Some Thoughts about What to Include When You have the "Talk" with Your Children

When is the right time to have the major talk with your children about sex? Having been a child who found out about my period when I got it, I would like to encourage you to talk to your children when they begin to show any signs of puberty. In today's society that can be as early as 8 with all the growth hormones in our food. I can still remember how frightened I was when I started bleeding. I thought that I was dying. I had learned about sex from my friends, but what it was like getting your period was not part of that discussion. A big thank you to my friends who were with me at the time, they provided me with comfort, support and elevated all my fears about what was happening.

I believe that breaking this talk up into two or three parts may help you and your child feel more comfortable. Your children certainly will absorb more of the information if given in smaller chunks. One way to break up these talks is by starting with what they can expect will be happening to their body, then move on to what is happening to the bodies of the opposite sex a few months later, and end when they are 11 or 12 with a discussion about sexually transmitted diseases, birth control and your beliefs on being sexually active at a young age. I know that many parents believe that talking to your children about birth control constitutes giving permission to your children to be sexually active, but I think if you include a good dose what your beliefs are, this will not be the case. I think that by not including this part of the discussion, you run the risk of becoming grandparents much earlier than you wanted to.

For those of you who think that 11 or 12 is too soon to discuss these topics with your child, take a really good look around at your children's friends because according to ETR Associates 7% of teens reported having their first sexual experience before the age of 13. This message was brought home to me when my son came home from fifth grade one day and stated that one of his friends had had sex with a 12 year old girl.

Try to keep current on the signs that your child is sexually active. Who would have thought that children would wear different colored gummy bracelets to signify different sexual acts that they had participated in. When I was working in the elementary schools, many children in the fourth and fifth grade were proudly displaying these bracelets. A case can be made that some of these children were lying about what they were doing, but what concerns me is that I know that not all of them were lying. I don't believe that children of this age are emotionally mature enough to handle being sexually active.

Better safe than sorry is my motto when talking to your children about sex.