Day Care Grandparenting

If you watch your grandchildren while their parents are working two or more days a week, you fall in to a category of grandparenting that I am calling Day Care Grandparenting. You actually need to walk a fine line between two other categories of grandparenting. At times you will be a close by grandparent and at other times you will find yourself filling the role of parenting grandparent. 

The most important thing to remember about this category is finding a balance that works for you, your children and their children. I recommend that you start by reading my two prior posts about being a close by parent and being a parenting parent. I think this is the most challenging grandparenting role there is, as there are times that you need to act as the parent and times that you will be the fun loving grandparent. The switching back and forth may become tricky but it is important to remember that awareness of a problem is half way to a solution.

Grandparenting Right Around the Corner

I fall into this category of grandparent, the grandparent who lives right around the corner. I think it is important to have balance in your life when you live close to your children and grandchildren. For me this means having a date night each week with my husband, helping my daughter out with transporting her children to activities once or twice a week and babysitting the grandchildren once a week for a few hours while she earns a little extra money tutoring. We try to have the whole family over for dinner three or four times a month on Sunday. They usually leave with leftovers enough for another meal.

Now that my grandchildren are five and two, we starting  to have sleepovers with them. I am thinking about making this a monthly event. I see this as a win-win for all concerned. Quality time with the grandchildren away from their parents, and alone time for the busy young couple. I think it builds some feeling of independence for the children, at a time when the two year old is very attached to his mother.

It is very important to remember not to break any of the rules that the parents have set down. It would be devastating to find yourself in the position of living so close and not being able to see them because their parents have lost the ability to trust you with their children. Maybe bending them a little is reasonable as a grandparent, but check with the parents before you do. Reminding them of the relationship that they had with their grandparent and how important it was to them may help.

Living a Great Distance from your Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who lives far away from your grandchildren and wish you could see them more often, here are some suggestions for you.

Video chats are the best. You could video chat and have a "meal" with your grandchild. Eat breakfast with them and get their day off to a great start or share dinner and find out about how their day went. Doesn't matter if you are in different time zones. My recommendation is to do this on their time, as children require routine in their lives much more so than adults. Another idea for video chats is to play games. Choose games that are age appropriate and work well if played in two different places. Many games can be adapted for this purpose. Some will require having a game at each location.

Writing letters is a lost art form, but in my experience children love to get mail. Mailing them a letter on a regular basis will have them running to the mailbox. Write about what you are doing in your life, ask questions about their life, provide words of wisdom and share pictures of you. We often have tons of pictures of our grandchildren but do they have any of pictures of us? Pictures of both of you will help remind them of the fun times you had when you were together. This is particularly important for very young children. E-mails are great also, I just think that there is something more personal about a handwritten letter.

If possible, planning a school break trip together is a great way of bonding and providing some much needed supervision for working parents. In addition to going on the trip together, think about the hours of fun you will have planning your adventure together.

Remember that making those times together really count will strengthen the bond between you and your grandchildren.