It May Be More Important Than Every to Teach Our Children about Time and Money Management

Given the world's bleak financial outlook and employer's expectation of increased productivity, teaching our children about time and money management may be more important than ever.  Even if you find that you are anything like me, and find yourself falling short on your own skills in these two areas, you still can teach your children a better way.  You may find that by teaching your children these skills, you may improve your own skills.  Keep in mind the best way of teaching children lessons is to be a good role model.  Children do not always listen to what we say, but they are always attentive to what we are doing.

This series will include ideas on how to teach these skills to your children, as well as some fun activities to help your child put these skills to use.

Adults Acting Badly in Front of Our Children

After attending several Black Friday sales yesterday, I was reminded how badly adults (including some parents with their children) could act given the right circumstances.  Visions of Mardi Gras, children's sporting events, family parties, and even funerals came to mind when I started to think about times as a child that I had seen adults going wild.  As a parent, we need to always be aware of our behavior and the behavior of the adults around us because our children are absorbing everything going on around them.  My advice is to leave the area where the adult has gone wild, or ff you can't leave atleast spend a brief time talking to your child about the inappropriate behavior that they are observing and how that person may have better handled the situation.

Facebook Status Updates that Parent Should Be Concerned About

One of my readers, Melanie Slaugh, sent me this link entitled "10 Scary FaceBook Status Updates Parents Should Watch For." It provides good information for parents about what to look for, and be concerned about, with regard to the content of your child's social networking status. I think it is important to monitor what your child is doing on the internet. This may seem like an invasion of their privacy but, with all the predators and cyberbullies out there, I believe it is a parents job to keep their child safe in cyberspace.

http://www.myispfinder.org/ispblog/2011/10-scary-facebook-status-updates-parents-should-watch-for/

A "Novel" Thought to Better Connect with your Child No Matter Their Age

Here is a "novel" thought to better connect with your child no matter how old they are, read the same book they are. Get it "novel" thought. Whether the book is something that they are reading for pleasure or for a school assignment is not important. Reading the book at the same pace as your child will give you something to talk about and may just give you both new incite into the book you are reading. My son and I just finished reading the "Hunger Games Trilogy" and it was great. Talk about interesting discussion.

Join a book club with your child today or create your own with just two members.

Breast Milk Baby Doll...You're Kidding Right?

Breast Milk Babies, and reality TV shows called Dance Moms and Toddlers and Tiaras...What message are we sending our children? I think that it is imperative to allow our kids to be kids. I left the "just" out of that last statement because I think that putting it in implies that being a kid is settling for less. If our children have any chance of growing up to be normal productive adults, we need to allow them time to play. Reality comes and bites us in the butt soon enough, let your kid be a kid for as long as they can. Instead of carting them off to some beauty pageant, sporting activity or having them mimic some grown up activity, play with them. Playing with them may even reduce the stress that you are feeling given todays fast paced, always connected society.

When thinking about placing your children in extracurricular activities be sure to consider whether you're doing it for them or for you. Often times we place our children in activities because of something that is lacking in our own lives. If you find that your child's activity is filling your own void in your life consider trying to find something of your own to fill that need. There are "Mrs." Beauty Contests, and dance classes for adults available for you to participate in if that's what floats your boat. Try hard not to live your life through the life of your child.

Why is Everyone Bent Out of Shape about Fast Food Places Serving Alcohol?

I am not sure why everyone seems to be so bent out of shape about fast food restuarants serving alcohol and no one seems to be all that concerned about our theme parks serving alcohol on every corner. I am much more concerned with the fact that Universal Studios and Disney serve alcohol. Atleast the parents who are partaking in drinking at a fast food restaurant are usually eating something and not just walking around drinking. Think about it, everyday thousands of adults take their children to a crowded, hot theme park and quench their thirst with a beer or alcohol. I don't think that crowds, rides, family fun and alcohol go together all that well.

The next time that you are out at a restuarant or theme park consider the message that you are sending your children if you are drinking alcohol. Save the drinking for times other than family time.

Should a Six Year Old Testify in Court?

It seems as if this issue comes up every few years in a high profile trial, but in reality this is an issue that the court faces every day. Is it right to have a child testify in court? Can testify in court have psychological ramification for a child? You don't have to be a counselor to answer this question. If you have ever testified in a trial, you know how difficult it can be. Should we expose our children to the anxiety and scrutiny associated with being a witness? According to the court system, as long as a child understands the difference between the truth and a lie, they are eligible to testify. I am not going to argue the validity of this ruling, but I do have a few words to say to a judge that believes that the defendant has the right to have the child testify in the courtroom. Shame on you. It is psychologically damaging enough for the child to testify at all, but having them sit there in front of a person may have done who horrible things in front of them or to them is exposing them to lifelong psychological affects.

I have a few words for Mr. Bruce Beresford-Redman who is fighting to have his six year old daughter testify at his extradition hearing regarding the murder of his wife in Mexico. I think that your actions shout "guilty". Even if you are not guilty of the murder, I consider making your child testify to save your own skin equates to a form of child abuse. Make a good parenting choice, stick up for her rights not yours.

Experiences or Things: Which Makes More of a Difference in Your Child's Life?

Consider giving your children experiences instead of things, they last a whole lot longer. A friend is providing his teenage son with one such experience this Friday that is connected to an experience his father gave him over 30 years ago. Chip is taking his son, Zack, to the last space shuttle launch on Friday. His father took him to the first launch of the shuttle. Cost: gas to get there, Sharing a Memory: priceless.

Providing your children with experiences instead of things may not be popular with them now but the lasting impression will stick with them long past the usefulness of the latest gadget that they are longing for.

Some Ideas for Improving Your Teen's Experience when They are First Learning to Drive

Here are some ideas about Improving Your teenager's first driving experience, while you maintain your sanity.
1)If your child has a winter birthday in an area that experiences ice and snow, it may be wise to allow them to get a little time behind the wheel in a parking lot before the weather turns bad to get a feel for how to handle the car.

2)Learning to parellel park using cones in a parking lot may save some dents and dinks.

3)Find out what the driving portion of the test looks like where your child will be taking their test. This may sound silly, but I personally failed my test the first time because my father did not know the driving course. I know this sounds like an excuse but it's not. He taught me to do a three point turn on a very narrow street because that is the location that requires such a maneuver. The testing facility had a very wide, short area for demonstrating this skill. I backed right out of the assigned area and failed.

4)Try to appear as calm as you possibly can while your teenager is driving. Even if they are doing something terribly wrong, yelling is not going to help the situation. It will only make them more anxious which may very well cause an accident.

If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear about them. Your advice may just help another parent.

Helping Your Child Choose a Career

There is no more important decision that our children make in their young adult life then “What am I going to do when I grow up?” What can we, as parents, do to help our children make this very important decision? Help your child to volunteer or tour places that are in their areas of interest. This will help them develop a better sense of what that job entails. Sometimes the reality of a job is not even close to what they are visualizing. Better for your children to find out now that a particular job is not for them, rather than after years of training for that job.

A website that I have directed many students to, careerkey.org, may provide your child with valuable information about jobs that fit their particular skill set, values and financial needs. The website provides access to the Career Key Test which is a Holland Personality Test. This test asks multiply choice questions in order to determine your child's personality type. It provides lists of jobs that fit their particular personality type. Your child then picks the jobs that interest them from this list and they are able to find out valuable information about each of these jobs. The information includes: education required, current job availability and salary, and projected job availability and salary in ten years. The cost of using this website is about $10.00, but I believe that this information is priceless in today's job market.

How to Talk to Our Children about Deadly Weather Events Like the Joplin Tornado

Whether it's a deadly tornado, hurricane or flooding, weather events of the magnitude of the tornados that hit Joplin and the Midwest strike fear in all of us including our children. We are drawn to watching the news stories on these weather events 24/7. Be aware of the effect that watching these stories is having on not only you but your children. It may be difficult to talk to your children about these situations because you may be feeling as if you have no control over whether it could happen to you. Make peace with your emotions before addressing these stories with your children, but don't wait too long. The fear that your chiild is feeling may be growing with each hour that passes.

Focus your discussion on the way that family, friends and strangers are lending a hand to help out. If you are so inclined perhaps you and your child could gather things that will help in the relief effort or pray together for the victims and the survivors.

Include some discussion about what your family would do if a storm was headed your way. Maybe even taking the time to do a practice drill like they do in the schools. Living in Florida has taught me that it is very important to be prepared for a weather event. People tend to become complacent about these storms when we go years without a major hit. Many people were caught by surprise when we were hit by three hurricanes in less than a month in the summer of 2004. My family takes time each year to collect water, batteries, can food, candles and have a filled tank for our grill. Some people believe that preparing causes children to become anxious but I believe that it is just the opposite. Being prepared gives us all a sense that we can have some control over surviving these weather events.

Focus on the coming together of family, friends and stranger lending a hand the generosity of strangers

STDs and Birth Control: Don't Skip Talking about these Important and Uncomfortable Issues with Your Children

STDs and birth control may be two topics that you may not want to talk to your children about because they are "your babies" after all and always will be. When you begin to feel uncomfortable about talking to your children about these topics keep in mind that providing your children with the most up to date information may keep them from acquiring a disease whose ramifications may last their entire life, or dealing with an unwanted pregnancy at too young of an age.

Make sure that you do your research from reputable sites before taking on these topics with your children. New information about STDs and better methods of birth control are popping up in the medical community all the time. You want your children to learn about these things from you rather than from the less than accurate information that they get from their friends.

When Your Children Make a Sexual Choice Outside Your Comfort Zone

What to do if your child shares with you that they are Homosexual, Transexual, Transgender or any other choice that is considered outside of the social norm when it comes to sexuality? First and foremost this is not a decision that your child has come to lightly. I don't believe that individuals make choices that will cause them difficulty in life unless that is who they are. This is not a post on trying to sway your opinion one way or the other about a sexual choice that your child has made, it is just some thoughts about your reaction to this news. Please consider what you may miss out on if you sever ties with your child if they have made a sexual choice that you believe to be morally or spiritually wrong. You may never have the opportunity to meet and have a relationship with your Grandchildren, you may find yourself completely alone in your golden years and you may find that you regret the loss of the close relationship you and your child once shared. Please take some time to think about the consequences of your reaction to this news, before you react. Your reaction may have long lasting effects to this very important relationship. In closing this post, I feel compelled to address the strong religious views on this topic. God and Jesus (or whomever you choose as your Higher Being)love us unconditionally no matter what we have done. He has entrusted us as parents to care for our children while they are here on Earth and I don't believe that He would want us to throw away this responsibility and stand in judgement over our children just because of a decision that they have made. "He without sin cast the first stone". I don't know about you, but I certainly have no right to cast any stones.

In a video interview that Cher did with The Advocate, she had these words of wisdom for those parents dealing with a child who is undergoing a sex change.
"Take it slowly. There are so many feelings that come up and most of them are difficult. And you go through a lot of changes, just as Chaz was going through whatever her changes were," Cher says. "One time I called, and she obviously had forgotten to change her voicemail, and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's probably the last time I'm going to hear the voice I've known my whole life.' There are small things you take for granted. It took a long time for me to know, this is the same person I've known my whole life."

Boomers and Boomerang Children..Books on the Topic

Here are some books on the topic of Boomerang Children that got good reviews.

Boomerang Kids: How to Live With Adult Children Who Return Home by
Jean Davies Okimoto and Phyllis Jackson Stegall

The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home by Christina Newberry

Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents...the Second Time Around by Elina Furman (this is one you might want to get for your adult child to read)

Using Those Teachable Moments to Start a Conversation about Sex with Your Children

Sex is all around us. It's not only on billboards, commercials, magazines and T.V. shows but staring us in the face in our own neighborhood everyday. Maybe you happen upon a neighbor who is pregnant, the T.V. show you're watching has a pregnant teenager on it, sex is eluted to on your favorite program, your child is reading a book that has a relationship in it that they tell you about or there is a particularly sexual billboard that you drive by. Consider these to be teachable moments. Use these teachable moments that come up in your everyday life to begin a conversation with your child about sex. I believe that using these as a jumping off place to begin "the talk" will lessen your anxiety about having a sit down, planned out conversation and by making this talk less formal you may just disarm your child enough to have an open and honest conversation.

A Few Words for Parents about the Death of Osama bin Laden

Many emotions were stirred up in the hearts of Americans last night when the death of Osama bin Laden was reported. Most of us remember where we were when the planes hit the twin towers, the pentagon and the field in Pennsylvania. It still brings tears to my eyes when I hear certain songs or see a picture of ground zero. Understand that news of this death may bring us feelings of triumph and joy, but I urge you to curtail any celebration as your children's eyes are watching you. Most of them have only experienced this tragedy as a historical event and can not possible understand the terror that lived, and in many cases still lives, in the hearts of Americans following that fateful day. The media is going to be reliving many of those early moments following this tragedy in the weeks to come and talking about what may happen in response to his death. I recommend that you sit down and watch these stories with your children and talk about your feelings about these events, and then turn off the T.V. Understanding these events and the emotions that they bring up is important, however being bombarded by it 24/7 is not good for you or your children. Sharing with your children that you are somewhat worried that something may happen is okay. Children are pretty intuitive when it comes to their parents and they probably already sense your fear. Trying to hid it from them may cause them more worry than admitting to it. If you are feeling extremely emotional about these events, talking to a trusted adult or a counselor about these feelings before you talk to your children is a good idea.

Teaching Your Children the Actual Terms for Their Private Parts

It is much cuter for a young child to use terms like peepee or weiner than it is for them to use terms like vagina and penis, however teaching your children these terms may protect them from falling victim to a predator. I am not suggesting that they use these terms all the time, just that they are aware of them. Be aware that these words may come out of your child at some inopportune moments like in front of their grandparents or loudly at a fancy restuarant. Believe me when I say "been there, done that". I think that increasing your child's safety is well worth a little embarrassment.

Some Thoughts about What to Include When You have the "Talk" with Your Children

When is the right time to have the major talk with your children about sex? Having been a child who found out about my period when I got it, I would like to encourage you to talk to your children when they begin to show any signs of puberty. In today's society that can be as early as 8 with all the growth hormones in our food. I can still remember how frightened I was when I started bleeding. I thought that I was dying. I had learned about sex from my friends, but what it was like getting your period was not part of that discussion. A big thank you to my friends who were with me at the time, they provided me with comfort, support and elevated all my fears about what was happening.

I believe that breaking this talk up into two or three parts may help you and your child feel more comfortable. Your children certainly will absorb more of the information if given in smaller chunks. One way to break up these talks is by starting with what they can expect will be happening to their body, then move on to what is happening to the bodies of the opposite sex a few months later, and end when they are 11 or 12 with a discussion about sexually transmitted diseases, birth control and your beliefs on being sexually active at a young age. I know that many parents believe that talking to your children about birth control constitutes giving permission to your children to be sexually active, but I think if you include a good dose what your beliefs are, this will not be the case. I think that by not including this part of the discussion, you run the risk of becoming grandparents much earlier than you wanted to.

For those of you who think that 11 or 12 is too soon to discuss these topics with your child, take a really good look around at your children's friends because according to ETR Associates 7% of teens reported having their first sexual experience before the age of 13. This message was brought home to me when my son came home from fifth grade one day and stated that one of his friends had had sex with a 12 year old girl.

Try to keep current on the signs that your child is sexually active. Who would have thought that children would wear different colored gummy bracelets to signify different sexual acts that they had participated in. When I was working in the elementary schools, many children in the fourth and fifth grade were proudly displaying these bracelets. A case can be made that some of these children were lying about what they were doing, but what concerns me is that I know that not all of them were lying. I don't believe that children of this age are emotionally mature enough to handle being sexually active.

Better safe than sorry is my motto when talking to your children about sex.

Food for Thought about People who Influenced Your Life

Tell your kids about the people who influenced your life. They may be inspired to find inspiration in their life, and even share stories with you about those people who have influenced them. Sharing a part of yourself may stregnthen your relationship with your children (even those difficult teens).

If you have not had the opportunity to thank the person who had a positive influence on you, take the time to do that now if you can. I don't think it is ever to late to thank these people or if they have died you can let their families know how important this person was to you. What a great lesson for your children about gratitude.

Two lessons for your children for the price of one.

Disciplining Your Children in a Divorce: Two Houses and Still Consistant

In a perfect world, your two houses would have the same rules and consequences for your children but that may be difficult since you can not control someone else's behavior. It is usually the parent who is not the custodial parent who is hesitant to set down rules. I don't think that the main reason they are doing this to get even with you, but because they don't want to be the bad guy in the little time they have with the children. Let's face it we all like to be liked, especially by our children. It is important to remember that parenting is not a popularity contest and that children need to have boundaries set for them. Consider that the other parent is missing out on some big milestones in the lives of their children and maybe you will be able to develop some empathy with regard to the position that they are in. These are some "whys" for the disipline being different at the two houses, but it is important for both of you to understand that it would be much better for the development of your children if the discipline was consistent. I encourage you to sit down with your ex and develop some ground rules for your children that both of you can live with. This would be a good time to express your empathy toward the situation that your ex finds themself in. By starting this conversation with empathy, instead of finger pointing, may just open the lines of communication enough to make some good parenting decisions together.

Children tend to take advantage of the situation when parents do not consistently discipline. They are much more likely to act up if they think they can get away with it even one time in ten. They also are very adept at playing parents against each other in a divorce. I suggest that you try to keeping the lines of communication between you and your ex wide open. Don't just assume that what your child is telling you is the absolute truth. Teenagers are especially good at pushing their parent's buttons about their ex. Open lines of communication, even if they are strained will prevent a lot of problems down the road with your children.