Advice for Parents with Children College Bound

One of the most difficult times in my life was sending my first born off to college 1200 miles away three days after he was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.  Just to let you know that the memory is so vivid in my mind that it can bring me to tears more than ten years later.  So if I tell you that I know how you are feeling if you are preparing to send your first child off to college, I hope you will believe me.

Here are a few questions to ponder when preparing to send a child to college.

1) What is an appropriate gift for your child when they graduate from high school?

2) What is not a good reason for selecting a college?

3) How often is okay to visit home from college?

4) What will you buy your son or daughter when they go to college?

I hope these questions give you food for thought if you find yourself going through this change of life.  These and more questions aswered in my series on "Sending a Child Off to College".

A Quote that Makes Sense Even in these Dangerous Times

Ships in harbor are safe, but that's not what ships were built for.  John Shedd

After the tragic events that occurred during the midnight viewing of the new Batman movie last night, I am feeling apprehensive about "letting" my children go see that movie tonight.  I understand, given the age of my children, that I really don't have a say about whether they go or not but I know many of you who do have a say as to what your children are doing are thinking the same thing.  When I actually sat down and thought about it, and didn't let my fear win out, one of my husband's favorite quotes came to mind and I thought that it really applied to this situation.  Parents who hide their children away in their homes to keep them safe from all the bad things going on in the world today are keeping them from doing what children were meant to do, live life and have fun.  Tonight, my chidren will be going to the movie as they have been planning to do for a month now.  I will probably ask myself a hundred times during those three hours whether they are safe, but I know that "wrapping them all up in bubble wrap" isn't going to allow them to lead a normal life.  Neither will allowing my fear to bleed over onto them.  Children are intuitive creatures, don't let them smell your fear. 

If your child is very fearful after this tragety, sit down and talk to them about it and listen to their concerns.  They may need some help getting past this event, especially if they have been through a tragety themselves.

Is Breastfeeding Causing An Increase in Nut Allergies or Is "Breastmilk Still Best"?

Australian National University researchers claim that children who are only breastfed for their first six months have a greater risk of developing nut allergy than those babies given other foods or fluids during the same period of life (this group included babies who received breastmilk along with other fluids or foods).  The study relied on over 15,000 surveys completed by parents.  but that is not the reason that the results are under fire, many well respected agencies believe that they may have made a leap in causality that was not really established through this research.  The findings suggest that babies who were exclusively breastfed were one and a half times more likely to develop peanut allergies.

Does only giving your infant only breastmilk for the first six months of life increase the chance that they will develop nut allergies later in life?  Most agencies speaking out against this study's results conclude that the link found between breastfed babies and nut allergies may be due to other factors altogether.  One possible cause suggested is that parents who notice rashes or other signs of allergies on their newborns may be more likely to breastfeed exclusively longer fearing a reaction by their baby to other foods or liquids.  This makes much more sense to me.

Much research supports the statement "Breast is Best" when it comes to feeding your infant.  The benefits of breastfeeding include providing babies with key nutrients, providing babies antibodies to help fight disease and special mother baby bonding time.  

My recommendation:  Continue breastfeeding and follow your doctor's recommendation on the introduction of other foods.

Parenting Advice Coming From an Unexpected Parenting Duo...TomKat

All parents who are going through a divorce can learn a lesson from a surprising parenting pair: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.  My hats off to them for not allowing the dirty details of their divorce to be aired in the media eventhough the media is chomping at the bit to do just that.  They certainly have handled their divorce with Suri's best interest in mind.  Lessons to be learned here:  don't air your feelings about exe in front of the children, don't put your children in the middle, settling the terms of the divorce quickly is better for the children and be sure to share parenting decisions in a civil way.

The Truth About Fillings and Behavior

Popular dental fillings containing chemical BPA (bisphenol A) have been linked to behavioral problems in children.  Fillings made using BPA are becoming more popular because they are teeth-colored, as opposed to the older, silver fillings.  This study looked at 543 children between the ages of 6 and 10 for a period of five year who had either received BPA or silver fillings.  Children with highest exposure to BPA base fillings were more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression than those with silver fillings.  Behavior problems seemed especially common in children who had those fillings on chewing surfaces. This seems to support the idea that fillings on chewing surfaces may begin to break down over time and release their chemicals to other parts of the body.  It was unclear whether it was the BPA or other chemicals in these fillings that was the cause of the behavioral change.

In a 2011 related study that looked at BPA exposure from plastics found in some food packaging and canned goods,  tied prenatal exposure to BPA with hyperactivity and anxiety in infants.  This study found it to be especially true in girls. 

It is important not to freak out and have all your child's BPA fillings removed at this point.  All studies indicated that more research needed to be done in this area.  I would recommend choosing silver fillings for any future cavaties that are located on the chewing surface while we wait on future findings.

Fighting Children's Mid Summer Boredom Part 2

Here are some suggestions from my daughter for fighting that summer boredom for what doesn't have to be a "boring" Monday morning:

1) Plan a scavenger hunt in the house or backyard.  Change up this idea by having the children plan the hunt and you participate.

2) Have your children make up or find jokes and then perform them as if they are on Comedy Central.  Who knows you may find you have a budding comedian.

3)  Cooking projects.  Note that there are plenty of recipes that don't require the stove or a knife to make, if you are concerned about safety.  This one is much more fun when a parent participates, but your participation is not a necessity. 

4) Have your child come up with some simple home carnival games and have them invite neighbors, friends or family members over to play them.

5) Have your children use their creativity to develop a game.  Make sure they right down rules, to avoid fights down the road over changing rules.  Trust me on this rule thing.  Learn from my mistake.

6) Who doesn't love a fun science experiment.  Search for one that fits your family both age-wise and ability-wise.  Make sure that if the experiment is messy, you perform it in a place that you don't mind getting messy. 

7) Have your children plan and complete a "kid's" garage sale.  There are atleast two benefits to this idea:  gets rid of junk and makes your children some spending money of their own.

8) Help them to create a collage of some of their favorite pictures to decorate their room.  Hint: use copies of those pictures if you don't want them to destroy the originals.

9) Take a pretend journey using books or the internet to explore a place that your child wants to go.  This may help with planning a future family "dream" vacation or allow your child to explore a place that they may never get to go to.  With virtual tours of many places, this may leave them feeling as if they have actually gone there.

10) Have your children make a movie or play.  Invite grandparents to view.  If they live too far away there is always streaming or skype.

Schools Can't Prevent Bullying...If They Could They Would Have Done So Long Ago

School administrators can set up harsh disciplinary actions for bullying, but sad to say that does not effectively eliminate the bullying problems in the school.  Bullying is definitely a bigger problem in schools than anywhere else.  I think this is merely because of the high number of children congregating there, not because the school is doing something wrong.  Wherever there is a high concentration of people, there will be bullying. 

Bullies may respond for a short time to disciplinary action but the most effect way of eliminating the bullying problem is by changing the behavior of the victims and bystanders.  If you find that your child is the victim of a bully, teach them some of the techniques that I have written about in previous posts.  Make sure that you also educated them on what to do if they are a bystander because more than likely if the bully doesn't get the reaction that they are longing for from your child they will probably start picking on someone nearby.

The cold hard truth about bullying is that a bully's behavior will only change if the bystanders and the victims change their reaction.

Stand Up and Live Longer for Your Grandchildren

Will standing up at work and walking around during phone calls and meetings really ensure that we live to see our grandchildren for to additional years.  In the book, Move a Little, Lose a Lot, Dr. James A. Levine suggest that studies support that long term sitting takes years off your life and that by getting up and/or moving around for a total of three of your sitting hours will add two years to your life.  Research has found that sitting does have an adverse effect on an individual's blood sugar and blood pressure.  He suggests having "walk and talk" meetings, providing some standing desks for people to work at and to stand up and move around while on the phone.  These few minutes will all add up to a healthier you.  In addition, the research suggests that standing gets the blood flowing and makes us more productive.

Note that these are not bad suggestions for our children as well.  A standing desk may be a great idea for homework time especially for those children with ADHD.  I have found that having these children stand when doing work makes them more productive and improves their behavior in a classroom setting.  If it works there, it may just work for you at home.

"Birth"arrazi is Not Just For Celebrities Anymore!

There is a growing trend of inviting a "birthing" photographer into the delivery room.  It's not just for celebrities anymore, many people are photographing the birth of their baby.  There are photographers who specialize in this type of photography.  They find themselves "on call" waiting on the birth, just like you and your family.  The photos that I have seen were quite tasteful, uniquely emotional and beautiful, but I am not sure that I would have wanted anyone in the delivery room or during labor other than my husband and the health professionals.  Many people choose to be surrounded by all their family members, so one more person in the room may not be a big deal for them. 

If you are shutter shy or money conscience, another option may be to ask a family member who has an eye for photography to take these pictures.  I would encourage you not to choose the father to take these pictures because I think that this added duty would take away from their birthing experience. Looking at the birth through a camera lens is not the same as seeing it up close and personal.  Keep in mind this is a monumental life moment for Daddy as well.

Fighting Your Children's Mid Summer Boredom

Being a teacher, my daughter still experiences this phenomenon in her adult years.  She suggested that I post each day a list of fun activities for your children to do when they come to you saying how BORED they are.  I have decided on a compromise to this suggestion.  Each week I will post a list of atleast 10  possible activites to either do with your children or for them to do on their own.  I will try to include things for all ages of children, that cost little to no money and require various time commitments.  Here is this weeks list.

1) Build a fort in the house with blankets, sheets, card board box or anything that you can find.  This doesn't have to be just for the kids.  Have lunch in the fort, read a book or spend the night there telling ghost stories. 

2) Set up a tent in the backyard and campout.  We roast marshmellows in our fire pit, check out the stars, and tell scary stories.

3) Have a squirt gun fight.  Get those big squirt guns and have at it.  Parents included.

4) Set up a badmiton net in the backyard.

5) Take a nature walk with a digital camera.  Try to get creative with the picture taking.  View the pictures on a computer.  Use a photo program and play with changing them.

6) Have a creative time with sidewalk chalk, watercolor paints, or finger paints outsside to avoid any mess.  FYI:  sometimes the best art work is developed like this.  Framing your child's art work can be an activity that you do together or you can let them frame it the way they want.

7) Take a dance, yoga, or art class with your teen.  Many places offer first lesson for free or have groupon deals.

8) Take a bike ride (remember if you wear a helmet , they will too).  Take along a picnic lunch in a backpack and make a day of it.

9) Go shopping with your teen.  Not to buy anything, just to try stuff on.  The funnier the better.  My daughter and I have been known to try on those outlandish hats that the Brits are famous for wearing.  I recommend that you throw a camera in your purse to capture some of these outfits.  I have missed out on some hilarious shots for lack of a camera.

10) Run through a sprinkler or go out in the rain and get soaked. 

More 1-2-3 Magic

I just finished watching the DVD program More 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.  This video provided many great ideas about discipline and self esteem.  He reviewed the points that he had made in the first video, leading me to believe that I don't need to go back and watch his first video.  I think that I would have rather read this in book form because it was an hour and half or so of him lecturing with a view videos interjected to make his point.  Having said that, I would recommend this for parents who are struggling with discipline their children no matter the child's age.  Most public libraries have this program either in DVD or book format.  That's where I picked mine up.

"It's Just A Stage Their Going Through"

Every time I hear a parent say that “it’s just a stage that my child is going through”, I want to stop and tell them just how right they are.  Children and adults are constantly going through stages.  Our entire life is one developmental stage after another.  When parents come to except this as a fact, and gear their parenting toward the stage that their child finds themselves in, they will find more success in their parenting.

"Do As I Say Not As I Do" ...A Personal Story

In many posts that I have made, I have spouted the importance of positive self-talk for you and your children.  This is a story about not taking my own advice and it hurting my ability to achieve my goal of writing a parenting book.  I was making good progress until three months ago when I hit a brick wall and have made little to no progress since.  Who do I blame: ME.  It was about that time when I could see the book coming together and being nearly finished made me fearful of showing my work to anyone.  I started telling myself and everyone around me "that I am not a writer".  Talk about a good example of the power of self-talk, in this case unfortunately it was negative and had a very negative effect on my completing my goal.

It took me three months to come to this realization for myself, even though the people closest to me tried to tell me a couple months ago.  I guess many of us do have blinders on when it comes to ourselves and our children.  This morning I have taken the blinders off and taken action.  Action one:  writing this post to hold myself accountable.  Action two:  I put a few inspirational "writing" quotes and the words "I am a WRITER!!" on my bathroom mirror. 

Important fact about the power of positive self-talk:  it doesn't matter if you believe the positive self-talk or not, by just say it you trick your brain into believing it. 



The words of Buddha says it best, "He is able who thinks he is able." That is one going up on my mirror.

Bikini Body Onesie...Don't Make A Big Deal About It When You See It!

The latest culprit in the sexy kid's clothing debate is a onesie for babies by Bon Bebe that has a bikini body promininently displayed on the front.  Keep in mind when you see a friend, family member or stranger's baby wearing this outfit, the baby did not choose it for themselves.  I tend to ask myself why did the parent choose this for their baby and the answer is quite clear, they were seeking attention.  Just like with bullying, if you give attention the behavior will be repeated.  So by giving the parents negative attention for their choice in baby clothing, you are ensuring that they will purchase more.  If they purchase more, companies will continue to make more of this type of clothing.  Therefore the best way to eliminate this clothing trend is to ignore it when you see it.  Don't give them the attention that they are seeking and they will stop purchasing these items.  They stop purchasing these items, companies stop making them.  Isn't economics grand. 

Does Spanking Cause Mental Illness?

A recent study published in the Journal of Pediatrics suggests that a link exists between certain types of mental illness and harsh physical punishment.  Their research found that children punished using "harsh physical treatment" were more likely to develop depression, phobias, substance abuse and personality disorders. It is important to note that they were not studying the "customary spanking", but punishments that went beyond that like shoving, hitting, slapping, and pushing.  Punishments considered more violent than a slap on the bottom. 

These researchers did generalize their findings to include all forms of spanking/physical punishment and suggest that eliminating all types of spanking/physical punishment will greatly reduce the growing mental illness problem.  Most professionals agree that punishing our children using "harsh physical treatment" does have an adverse affect on their emotional and mental development.  However, professionals are split on the affect of the "customary spanking".  It is unclear whether it is a good way or a bad way to discipline your child.

I feel that it is important to note here that most states define child abuse as leaving marks.  If you do choose to use spanking as a means of discipline, it should not cross this line.

Another Celebrity Opens His Mouth and Trash Comes Out

50 Cent, a famous rapper, showed poor judgement and a lack of empathy for people different from himself when he recently tweeted a response to a threatning tweet he received.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  He made some cruel and uncalled for references about autism and people with special needs.  50 cent, I think you would be wise to remember the old adage "if you don't have something nice to tweet, don't tweet anything at all".

I was impressed by the response from actress Holly Robinson Peete who has a thirteen year old son with Autism.  In a letter that appeared on her website, she took the time to educate the rapper about autism, shared information about the daily struggles her son has to live with and asked 50 cent to remove his tweet.  She also shared that her son was a fan of the rapper's work.

Shame on you, 50 cent.  I hope you'll think next time before you talk or tweet.  This is a good teachable tweet for your children on what not to do and the damage that tweets can cause.

OMG Diet Targeting Teens and Tweens

A recent survey of ten year old girls found that 80% of these girls had been on a diet. So a fad diet that targets, by it's very name, teens and tweens deserves the scrutiny of parents everywhere. This diet suggests that taking ice baths every morning, drinking two big cups of black coffee, skipping breakfast, exercising and blowing up balloons is a good weight loss plan. I am not so sure but let's break this diet down and look at the safety of the individual components.
Taking ice baths lowers body temperature which does make the body burn a few calories to increase body temerature. Having said that, the calories burned after an ice bath are extremely small. Skipping what has been come to be known as the most important meal of the day does not sound like a healthy idea to me. The amount of caffeine in two large cups of coffee taken on an empty stomach will definitely get one reved up but will it last and is it safe? Many adults experience rapid heart beat from caffeine. What will it do to hungry children? I am not sure what the balloon blowing has to do with weight loss, but I do know that it helps people to learn to breath more deeply.

The sad truth is, for teens and adults alike, the only proven way to take the weight off is lifestyle changes, specifically healthy eating and exercise. It doesn't take the weight off quickly but it does usually take it off for good. Slow and steady really does win the weight loss race. The main problem with any fad diet is that people who drop the weight through a fad diet usually put all the weight back on and then some. Yoyoing weight and fad diets are not good for the body. Encourage your child not to fall victim to fad diets, help them to make better lifestyle choices and maybe we will help the next generation to make a dent in the weight issues plaguing our society today,

Fireworks, Fourth of July, Children and Safety

Whether it is the Fourth of July or another holiday typically associated with fireworks, key word for parents with regard to children and fireworks is safety, safety, safety!  I look towards the experts for advice on preventing injuries or burns from fireworks.  Here is what they people who work with fireworks.

The National Council on Fireworks Safety offers these common sense safety tips for using

consumer fireworks in the hopes that injuries to consumers can be greatly reduced this season:

*Parents and caretakers should always closely supervise teens if they are using fireworks.
*Parents should not allow young children to handle or use fireworks.
*Fireworks should only be used outdoors.

*Always have water ready if you are shooting fireworks.

*Know your fireworks. Read the caution label before igniting.

*If it has been too dry, don't set off fireworks, they may start a fire.
*Alcohol and fireworks do not mix.
*Wear safety glasses whenever using fireworks.

*Never relight a “dud” firework. Wait 20 minutes and then soak it in a bucket of water.

*Soak spent fireworks with water before placing them in an outdoor garbage can.

*Avoid using homemade fireworks or illegal explosives: They can kill you!

And note these special safety tips, if using sparklers:

*Always remain standing while using sparklers.
*Never hold a child in your arms while using sparklers.
*Never hold, or light, more than one sparkler at a time.
*Never throw sparklers.
*Sparkler wire and stick remain hot long after the flame has gone out. Drop them in water.
*Teach children not to wave sparklers, or run, while holding sparklers.

Warn Your Teens and Twenty Somethings that Texting and Driving Don't Mix

Warn your teens and twenty somethings that texting while driving can be a fatal mistake.  A distracted driver is the leading cause of car accidents.  Texting while driving is a major driving distraction that teens are found to be doing more than any other age group.  Ninety-four percent of surveyed drivers agree that texting while driving is dangerous, yet more than one third of those surveyed do it.  I would like to note here that I think that this is a low estimate because it relies on self reporting. 

There were six thousand deaths and five hundred thousand injuries last year from car crashes involving a driver who was texting or using a cell phone as reported by Healthy Day.  The government website reports a much lowere number of three thousand six hundred.  No matter which is accurate, the number is way to high.

Florida (where I live) and twelve other states do not currently have a law banning texting while driving.  Happy to say that most of the twelve are working on it.  Many states include in their law a ban against teens talking on their cell as well because that can be just as distracting.

Here are the statistics on other distracters drivers report doing:  86% eat or drink, 37% have sent a text, 41% set GPS, 36% read a map, 20% have styled hair, 14% have put on make-up, 13% have surfed the web.  How many of these have you as a parent done while driving with your teen in the car?  I am not proud of my answer to this question.  We as parents need to always be thinking of the role model that we are being for our children.  There is no way that a law is going to eliminate all those distracters, so we as parents are going to need to educate our children on this growing problem. 

Eleven percent of all drivers under the age of 20 who were involved in a fatal crash were distracted at the time of the crash.  This percentage is higher than any other age group.  Make sure that your teen or twenty something understands the seriousness of this issue and sets their phone down while driving.

Record Heat and No Power: How Will You and Your Children Survive?

Recent record heats and the violent storms typically associated with this type of heat have left many families without power and limited means to escape from the sweltering heat.   Listed below are some important things to do to keep your family safe.  Remember that this weather can be deadly for people of all ages.

1) Stay hydrated!!!!  Drink plenty of water (3 liters of water for a man and 2 liters for a women a day) and make sure that your water is safe to drink.  When the power is out, the community water source will be effected.  We stock up on gallons of bottled water prior to hurricane season.  Another option is to fill clean bottles with water in preparation for a weather event that will effect the water source.  Avoid alcohol and caffeine because they can dehydrate you.  If you need to partake in alcohol or caffeine b sure to increase your water intake accordingly.

2) Wear light colored clothing that is loose fitting to help stay cooler. 

3) Stay indoors or in the shade as much as possible.  A hat is also a good idea to block the intense rays of the sun.

4) Don't leave your children or pets in the car, even for a quick errand.

5) Limit the activity level of all family members.  Easier said than done when it comes to highly active young children.  Get out the hose and let them play in the water if possible.

6) Be aware of the symptoms that indicate someone is suffering from heat stroke or dehydration.  Taking action when you first notice these symptoms may save aa life.  Watch for someone experiencing headaches, dizziness, disorientation, skin that is red hot or dry, rapid pulse rate, nausea.

7) Stock up on non-perishable foods, batteries, first aid kit and crank radios to keep informed.

8) If power is out for a long period of time, be leery of the food left in the refrigerator.

"The Salt and Ice" Challenge: the Latest YouTube Craze

Children and young adults have been video taping themselves doing dangerous and harmful things for years now in order to obtain their fifteen minutes of fame on YouTube.  What parent will forget the deaths and injuries that occurred from things like "planking" or the Hanging Game.  The latest in the YouTube video craze is "The Salt and Ice Challenge" which involves putting salt and ice on bare skin and seeing how long one can stand to keep it there.  It mimics frostbite and can cause severe damage to the participant.  Pictures of one Pittsburgh teen can be found in the AOL headlines.  I will warn you, the pictures are not pretty, but the damage is most certainly permanent.

What can we do as parents to ensure that our children don't take the "Salt and Ice " Challenge, or attempt to get their fifteen minutes of fame in some other dangerous way?  Sit down with them and talk about the dangers of these stunts. Show them the pictures of this boys back and talk about how much pain he will be in for a long time.  Ask them if they can remember any of the "planker's" or hanging game victim's names who died trying to gain notoriety.  Point out that they are not remembered or famous, they are just dead.  Talk about other ways to gain the desired notoriety that are not dangerous:  inventions, sports achievements, academic accomplishments,

I am really concerned that society, with all of it's "reality" shows, is pushing our children toward more and more dangerous activities with the prize being 15 minutes of fame.  How many more children have to die before the social networks ban these dangerous videos?  No outlet for these videos to go viral and I bet money on the number of injuries drops dramaticly.