Time Management: Step 2

Step 2 to teaching your child to manage theirr time is "balancing the time budget".  Just like money, time needs to be balanced.  There are twenty-four hours in a day, never any more.  Your child will need to learn how to balnce there day in order to fit in all the things they want to do.  Their budget will cover the entire twenty-four hours because they have included the necessities of life (sleep, eating and cleanliness) on their list of things to do.

Begin by having your child assign times for each of the things on the list that they developed in step 1.  They may need to do this for each of the days of the week, as their activities may not always be the same.  Add up the amount of time needed to do all the things listed.  If the amount of time required comes in under 24 hours, they're done.  If the time comes in over twenty-four hours, they will need to revisit their list and cut back on or eliminate certain activities in order to fit the twenty-four hour time allotment.  Many children will try to cut back on sleep, but this is not a good idea as someone who is sleep deprived is less efficient and will take more time to do things.  This may be a good lesson for adults to learn as well.

Time Management: Step 1

Help your child to develop a list of their "Have to Do's", "Want to Do's" and the "Things I Need to Do to Get Me Where I Want to Be in the Future" (goals).  Make sure that they include sleeping, eating and personal hygiene on their "Have to Do's" list.

It May Be More Important Than Every to Teach Our Children about Time and Money Management

Given the world's bleak financial outlook and employer's expectation of increased productivity, teaching our children about time and money management may be more important than ever.  Even if you find that you are anything like me, and find yourself falling short on your own skills in these two areas, you still can teach your children a better way.  You may find that by teaching your children these skills, you may improve your own skills.  Keep in mind the best way of teaching children lessons is to be a good role model.  Children do not always listen to what we say, but they are always attentive to what we are doing.

This series will include ideas on how to teach these skills to your children, as well as some fun activities to help your child put these skills to use.

Bullies Will Not Change Their Behavior Just Because They are Disciplined by the School

If you are looking to the school to take care of your child's bullying problem, you are looking in the wrong place.  I say this as someone who has developed bully prevention programs in several schools and been involved many times in the disciplinary action of bullies.  Disciplining the bully doesn't stop the bullying!!  Bullies bully because they get something out of it, and as long as they continue to be reinforced to bully, they will bully.  This is human nature 101.  If a behavior is being reinforced it will be repeated.  So the key to stopping bullying doesn't lie with the school disciplining the bully, but the victim and the bystanders changing their reaction to the bullying. 

Start by helping your child understand that the goal of the bully is to obtain a reaction and wield power over their victim and the bystanders.  Check out the series that I did on Bully Prevention for ways to empower your child if they are being bullied.

In closing, I want to say that the people who have the biggest impact on the bully's behavior are not the victim or the schools, they are the bystanders.  Teach your child what to do if they find themselves witnessing someone being bullying.  If they don't want to get involved, remind them that they may be the bully's victim tomorrow.  What can the bystander do:  Speak Up, Speak To, Speak Out.  For more information about what to teach your child about being a bystander, visit my series on bully prevention.

Making Bath Time Lots of Fun for You and Your Baby

There are some key steps to follow to help make bath time fun for you and your baby.  Preparation, warmth, toys and a calm parent are a must.  Prepare all that you will need for the bath and it's aftermath before undressing your baby.  Be sure you include clothes to dress them into after their bath, to ensure a fast and easy transition from the tub into the warmth of clothes.  Babies don't like to be cold, so make sure that your bathroom is toasty enough to keep them from shivering when they come out of the tub dripping wet.  I don't know about you, but I really hate getting out of the tub when the bathroom is cold.  Toys are an excellent distraction in the tub.  They make getting your baby washed a whole lot easier.  Playing with them in the tub may also increase their comfort with the bath and the tub.  When it is time to get out of the tub, make sure that you take your baby out of the tub before you pull the plug as it may scare them.  The last and maybe most important suggestion that I would like to make is that you remain calm during the bath.  If you are getting frustrated and aggravated,  you can bet that your baby is too.  Setting up a washing routine may help keep you both calmer.  Washing in a particular order will help your baby build a routine for bathing.  I found that washing their hair last worked best with my children.  Find the routine that works best for your babies bath time and then stick to it.

Changing Two Little Words in Your Vocabulary Can Eliminate Much of Your Family's Holiday Stress

During the holiday season stress can reach an all time high in the lives of many of of our families.  Changing two words in our vocabulary, and our children's  vocabulary may make all the difference.  Replacing the words "need-to" or "have-to" with "choose-to" in our vocabulary gives us a sense of power over what is going on in our lives and therefore reduces our stress.  Start yourself thinking that everything in life is a choice.  Even going to work is a choice.  You choose to go to work so that you get paid and you don't get fired.  Sounds to simple to be true, give it a try and see if it makes a difference in your family's stress level this holiday season.  What could it hurt to try,  I hope it makes as much of a difference in the your family's stress level as it does in mine.  The only problem with this technique is that I sometimes slip back into my "have-to" ways when I am really busy and must remind myself, or have my children remind, that everything is indeed a choice.

Do Our Most Beloved Children's Books Really Send Dark Messages to Our Children

I am of the belief that the greatest gift that you can give your child is a love for reading.  I have always included books on my gift givinng list for my own children even now that they are adults.  Some of my favorite books that I read to my children are getting a bad rap.  People are finding all kinds of hidden meaning in some of the most well loved children's books of our time.  Here are a few examples.  These are excerpts from an article by Lisa Belkin, and are opinions that I do not share.

Some people take away the heart warming message of a parent's limitless love for a child when reading the Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, and others see a story of a mother willing to literally let her child chop her into pieces.

The Rainbow Fish by Marc Pfister  has the hero of the fish tale giving away all his scales to his fish friends so they will like him, and is really a mixed up warning not to be different.

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss is seen as the story of a home invasion, during which a fish is terrorized...It is also a book that illustrates lying to mom.

I can't include any more of these because I am starting to get angry.  My only comment about this attack on these beloved books is that if you look hard enough at anything you will find some deep dark meaning behind it.  Take these books for what they are, wonderful ways to introduce your child into the awesome world of reading, be assured that  that is how your child is seeing them.

Some Thoughts about Getting a Pet For Your Children

If you are thinking about getting your children a pet during this holiday season, here are some things that you will need to consider.  The age of your children.  Are they going to be able to take care of the pet themselves?  Are they old enough to handle the pet without hurting it?  The amount of time that the family spends out of the house.  Will the pet be spending a lot of time alone in the house?  Some types of pets will act out if left alone for long stetches during the day and other types do not.  What is your role going to become with regard to care of the pet.  When the novelty wears off and the children begin spending less time caring for the pet are you willing to step in and either get them to do it or do it yourself.

I hope that if you are thinking about adding a dog or a cat to your family, that you consider visiting a shelter or a rescue facility instead of going to a pet store.  There is a large need for homes for these unwanted pets and they do have a fairly good selection of breeds, puppies and even pure breds.  I rescued my dog Oreo.  She is the sweetest, most adorable little dog ever (not that I am bias).  When she came to us, she had already been trained to go outside to do her business and knew how to walk on a leash.  Win-win.  I did visit a number of places before finding her, but the search was worth it.

It's the Gift Giving Season Again...and Kid's Have All Kinds of Visions In their Heads

It's the gift giving season again and if you have children on your list, you may be wondering what you should get them.  They want all the things that are advertised on tv, but are those gadgets right for them?  A good rule of thumb when looking for a gift for a child is to check the recommended age on the package.  If the child you are buying for falls out side that age range, the toy is probably not right for them right now. 

I always thought that this advice was just for the parent who was looking to purchase a gift that was meant for an older child, but now I realize that this tip works the other way too.  A friend of mine was looking to purchase a Thomas and friends motorized car for her nephew who is almost four.  Her nephew saw it on TV and had to have it.  When I went to help her get it, we found that it was for toddlers up to 24 months.  Happy ending though, there was a Thomas Big Wheel that was just right for his age and it makes all sorts of interesting sounds.

When picking out gifts for children, keep in mind the fairytale of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  Find a gift that is "just right" for the child that you are getting it for.

First Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week Begins Today

The week of December 1-7 has been designated as the very first Crohn's and Colitis Awareness Week. The Senate passed Resolution 199 in order to encourage all Americans to join in the effort to find cures for Crohn's and colitis, help raise awareness, and support research.  This a big deal at my house, as my son was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease over 12 years ago.  Crohn's and Colitis are autoimmune diseases that effect the bowel.  Twelve years ago, few people knew anything about these diseases, but now practically everyone knows someone who suffers from these diseases.  The increase in the number of people with these diseases has been immense.  It use to be a disease that the primary age at onset was between 18 and 21.  Recently there has been a spike in the number of young children being diagnosed with this life changing disease.  Many people believe that the increase in incidents of these diseases may be related to how we process our food and dairy products.  The low number of cases in underdeveloped countries supports this theory.  If your child or someone you know suffers from either of these two diseases direct them toward a couple of groups that have been life savers for my family:  the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation whose primary functions are to educate people on how to manage this disease and to raise funds for research, and Get Your Guts in Gear (GYGIG) which is an inspiring non profit organization thats primary goal is to raise awareness and build a community of people helping each other deal with the day to day living with these diseases.  GYGIG holds multi day bike rides each year in order build that community, and a large number of the riders have these diseases. The message that they are sending is that this disease is not going to beat them down. If you are more like me in thinking that people who choose to ride a 160 miles on a bike over two days have a screw or two loose, there are always crewing positions available. Crewing, camping, building community and making lifelong friends in just two days time...amazing.

Christmas Gift that Is Bound to Touch the Heart of Scrooge Himself

Whether it is going to a young child or an adult, I think that a book that can record someone reading it is an awesome gift for those who are separated by a large distance.  Sending your child reading a book to a parent in the military, or a grandparent who lives far away is bound to be a big hit.  Another priceless suggestion with regard to this recorded book would be to have a parent who is separated by distance due to military service or divorce record the reading for their child.  FYI, it may just ease their transition.  If you haven't seen the commercial from Hallmark for this book yet, brace yourself, I cry everytime I see it.

Lessons Learned from Star Trek of all Places

When I found this article on the internet, I just had to post it.  You see my son and husband are big StarTtrek fans, mostly next generation but all the rest too.  Good to know that all that time spent at conventions and watching shows and movies didn't go to waste.  Just goes to prove that there is a lesson in everything if you look closely enough.  If your child is crazy about a particular show, try to find the lessons to be learned from it and don't miss out on a teachable moment with your child.

Excerpts from an article entitled "7 Life Lessons You Can Learn From 'Star Trek' by David Borgenicht:

I would say there are seven life lessons I learned from "Star Trek" that I take with me to this day. These are lessons I hope to pass along to my own children someday--but for now, I will share them with the interweb.

1. The best way to travel is to boldly go where no one has gone before. This is true for vacations, for self-exploration, for life itself. If you want your days filled with adventure, laughter, love, learning and the occasional mind-meld, follow this route.
2. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few--or the one. Sometimes you must make great sacrifices for the greater good. And, like the Genesis device, it will all come back around.
3. Expressing your emotions is a healthy thing. Sure, McCoy seemed angry all the time when exclaiming, "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor not a mechanic/bricklayer/soothsayer," but he knew that by expressing his anger and frustration it wouldn't get the best of him and he could then perform at his peak capacity.
4. When estimating how long a job will take, overestimate--and when you do better your captain will always be impressed. Replace the word "captain" with "teacher" or "mom/dad" and you'll see what I mean. Sure, Mr. Scott might have been telling the truth--maybe it would take six hours to get the warp engines back online in the heat of the battle. Or maybe he was padding things so he looked good. Either way, when the engines did come back on line, everyone was happy.
5. Wearing red makes you a target. This is true of cars, dresses and, most especially, shirts. Red gets you noticed--which is good if you want to be noticed, bad if you don't want to end up vaporized.
6. When you don't know what to say, pause. It will give you the time to figure it out. Or at the very least, you'll sound like you're being thoughtful. "But....Spock.....why?"
7. The most powerful force in the universe is friendship. It's more powerful than phasers, photon torpedos, even more powerful than the force itself. With friends, you can accomplish any task, escape any perilous situation, defeat any enemy--and you get to laugh together when it's all over.

I am convinced that these lessons will serve us all, adults and children, well as we seek out new life, new civilizations, new experiences. In short, thanks to "Star Trek," we may all live long and prosper.

Is It Safe for Your Child to Have an Adult Mentor?

Is it safe for your child to have an adult mentor or is it too risky given the influence that mentors can develop with your child?  I believe in most cases that having a mentor provides some much needed positive adult influence.  In today's society, there are many families where one parent is missing from the household for long periods of time.  Whether this is due to a divorce, a traveling parent or military service is unimportant.  A mentor can fulfill a need that the child has for adult contact.  I think the larger issue facing parents is how to choose the right mentor.

Parents everywhere whose children meet with a mentor must be rethinking their decision given the recent stories of the Penn State coach, the Syracuse coach and the Craigslist killer.  I don't believe that we, as parents, should discount the mentoring program altogether because of a few horrific cases.  I think that we should instead give thought to how we choose these mentors for our children.  Do your homework about a potential mentor.  Anyone who is unwilling to have a backround check may be trying to hide something.  In each of these high profile cases, there was some red flags in their past that would have eliminated them as a possible mentor for my child.  I don't believe this to be an invasion of the possible mentors privacy because more than likely everything that you need to know is out their on the internet for anyone to find.

If the Family Unit is the Backbone of a Society...

Women know what men have long forgotten. The ultimate economic and spiritual unit of any civilization is still the family. -Clare Boothe Luce

Even as the cell is the unit of the organic body, so the family is the unit of society. -Ruth Nanda Anshen

The family is the most basic unit of government. As the first community to which a person is attached and the first authority under which a person learns to live, the family establishes society's most basic values. -Charles Caleb Colton


If the smallest unit of our society is the family, the best way to fix what is wrong with society is to start with the way we are raising our children.  If we raise our children to be self sufficient and socially conscious, our society will return to a self sufficient and socially conscious society.  If we raise our children to be egocentric and always looking for what society can do for them, our society will continue on the distructive path that we are on.  Food for thought.

Adults Acting Badly in Front of Our Children

After attending several Black Friday sales yesterday, I was reminded how badly adults (including some parents with their children) could act given the right circumstances.  Visions of Mardi Gras, children's sporting events, family parties, and even funerals came to mind when I started to think about times as a child that I had seen adults going wild.  As a parent, we need to always be aware of our behavior and the behavior of the adults around us because our children are absorbing everything going on around them.  My advice is to leave the area where the adult has gone wild, or ff you can't leave atleast spend a brief time talking to your child about the inappropriate behavior that they are observing and how that person may have better handled the situation.

Starting a Family Tradition

Start a family tradition over this holiday season.  One that your children will pass on to their children and their children's children.  Kind of neat to think that something you start this year could last for generations to come and have the added bonus of bonding your family together even more.  It doesn't matter whether the tradition is something that comes from your own childhood or something new to your family, both work.  The tradition just needs to be something that includes all the members of the family.  Some of the traditions that my family has adopted are:  riding around looking at all the Christmas lights sipping on hot chocolate and homemade cookies, baking homemade cookies together (even little one's can help by taste testing, or providing them with a tiny rolling pin),  or starting a collection for them (each year I pick out a special ornament for each of my children and give it to them when we are putting up the tree).  Most of our traditions were past down to me by my family, but some I started with my family.  Thanks mom and dad for making the holiday season such a wonderful and memorable time.  Start a tradition with your family this year, your children will thank you too.  Whether it's a new tradition or one from your own childhood doesn't matter.  Just do it, you and your family will be happy you did. 

Make a Memory by Elaine Hardt

Make a memory with your children,
Spend some time to show you care;
Toys and trinkets can't replace those
Precious moments that you share.
Money doesn't buy real pleasure,
It doesn't matter where you live;
Children need your own attention,
Something only you can give.
Childhood's days pass all too quickly,
Happy memories all too few;
Plan to do that special something,
Take the time to go or do.
Make a memory with your children,
Take the time in busy days;
Have some fun while they are growing,
Show your love in gentle ways.
-Elaine Hardt, Make a Memory

Although I have written several times about the value of giving your children a memory over a thing, I thought that these words from Elaine Hardt made this point quite remarkably.   As we head into the gift giving season, I hope that you will take this suggestion to heart.

Tips that Will Help Make You a Super Parent

1) Love your children for who they are now, not for who they will become in the future.

2) Have high expectations for each of your children, your child will try to live up to whatever expectation that you have for them.  If you expect that one of your children is bound to turn out to be the black sheep, they will grow up to be just that.

3) Discipline does not need to be severe, but it must be consistant.

4) When helping your child set goals for their future, both in the short-term and in the long-term, make sure they are their goals and not your goals in disguise.  Some parents try to live their unachieved goals through the accomplishments of their children.  Make sure that they are your child's goal as well and not just their attempt to gain your approval.

5) Giving your child experiences, instead of things, will make them a more well-rounded adult.

6) Spending time with your children is the best gift that you can give them.  Put away your cell phone, and give each of your children some undivided attention.

An Inspiring NFL Football Player at a Time When So Many Are Not Inspiring

In a time when so many professional athletes are lousy role models for our children, many thanks to Mark Herzlich for showing up.  New York Giants linebacker Mark Herzlich, who beat a deadly form of bone cancer to achieve his dream of playing in the NFL, has been traveling around the country meeting with young atheletes and children who have been diagnosed with cancer.  His story and attitude is inspirational to them and to all of us.  He overcame incredible odds and never gave up the hope of achieving his dreams.  Herzlich's focus in life has changed dramaticly since his battle with cancer.  He believes that the most important thing that he can do with his life suprisingly does not involve making a touchdown.  His mission is to give hope to children struggling with cancer.  He has even inspired some of his teammates to do the same.  Job well done, Mark.

Whether your child is an athelete, struggling with a disease or just an average child share Herzlich's story with them.  It may just inspire greatness in them.

Do Classic Board Games Really Send the Wrong Message to Our Children?

Do classic board games like Monopoly, Clue, Guess Who and Candyland really send the wrong message to our children?  Some researchers are going after these classic games for sending the wrong message and are asking the question whether it is better to let your children play video games instead of these classic games.  Does Monopoly send the message that it is okay to stifle competition or squeeze rent from squaters?  Does Guess Who send the message that physical appearance is most important and that white men are more desirable?   Does Clue provide the sort of environment (six adults trapped in a mansion. a dead body, weapons, and murder investigation) that you want your child to play in?  Does Candyland really encourage our children to gorge themselves on candy and eat unhealthy foods?  I think these researchers were really stretching it with these findings.  Did they run out of important research topics or are they being paid by the video game manufacturers who have been taking a large hit from the violent nature of some of the most popular video games?  If these classic games fostered these beliefs in children, we would already be overrun with adults who held these beliefs.  I think the benefits of board games far exceed any negative message they may send.  The most noteable benefit of these classic board games in today's society has to be encouraging basic communication among the players.  Can violent video games say the same?

Save Our Libraries...We Need Them

I have many fond memories from my children's early years of spending time at our local library.  My children loved attending the library's storytime where the librarian would read them a wonderful story while I received some much needed respite from my "mommy" duties.  We also would make a weekly visit to pick out books for our evening reading time.  I think this reading time helped to foster the great love for reading that both of my children have today.  The library allowed us to provide our children with reading material that we could not afford to buy.

It makes me sad to think that there are libraries all over the country closing their doors or cutting back severely on their hours and services due to budget cuts.  I strongly agree with the idea that our government needs to make drastic cuts to the budget but I believe that the library system is not the place to start.  Today's library provides many services to it's community.  It provides free internet access to those who can't afford to have it in their home, movies and audio books free of charge, workshops to assist in these troubling times, as well as access to best selling books and storytimes.  We need our libraries today, more than ever.

Save our libraries!!!  Write your congressman, or send an e-mail to the editor of your local paper or news station if your library is in jeopardy.

Facebook Status Updates that Parent Should Be Concerned About

One of my readers, Melanie Slaugh, sent me this link entitled "10 Scary FaceBook Status Updates Parents Should Watch For." It provides good information for parents about what to look for, and be concerned about, with regard to the content of your child's social networking status. I think it is important to monitor what your child is doing on the internet. This may seem like an invasion of their privacy but, with all the predators and cyberbullies out there, I believe it is a parents job to keep their child safe in cyberspace.

http://www.myispfinder.org/ispblog/2011/10-scary-facebook-status-updates-parents-should-watch-for/

Unplug Today and Reconnect for a Lifetime

"Unplug for a day and reconnect with your children for a lifetime!" This would make an excellent catch phrase for parents today. As parents, we are constantly connected into the world through our cell phones, and computers. Whereever we go, we go connected to the rest of the world. We are distracted by it all from something that requires our undivided attention, our children. I suggest that you take one day a month and disconnect from all that is electronic and spend the day reconnecting with your children. This means no cell phones, no computers, no TV, no iPods. Leave it all behind and reconnect with your children in a way that you may not have in years. Play games, take a walk, have a picnic, take a bike ride, or do whatever your family finds fun.

The world will not fall apart if you are not connected to it for 24 hours, but your family just might fall apart if you don't disconnect every so often. So consider unplugging this weekend. If you noticed there were no blog postings this past weekend. I took my own advice and unplugged for a long weekend. I find myself energized, my mood uplifted and feeling very close to my family after this past weekend. I wish the same experience for you this coming weekend.

Note: Teenagers may be resistant to this idea, but it is important for their wellbeing that they disconnect at times as well.

Parents Here are Some Words to Use With Those Critical People in Your Life

Dirty dishes prove we feed our family, full trash can means we clean up after their messes, messy floors mean we let our children have fun, pile of unfolded laundry means we keep our family in clean clothes, wet bathroom means we bathe our kids! So the next time you walk into our house and see a "mess" think twice before you judge. If you come over to see us, come on in...if your coming over to see our house please make an appointment.

***Share this with someone in your life who thinks that it is more important to keep your house perfect than to spend time with your children and let's you know it through their words or actions.

"Too Posh To Push" Crowd and Elective C-Sections

Britain, where the government provides free health care, will soon be allowing pregnant women to choose to have a C-section even if there is no medical need for it. This option has been available for a while now to the wealthy, including celebrities like Madonna and Victoria Beckham. They are members of the so called "too posh to push" crowd.

I am concerned that even one woman would choose to have this surgery when it is not medically warranted. There are many more risks to you and your baby when having this surgical procedure. There could be unforseen complications during and after the surgery. Even if everything goes as planned, some things to think about when making this decision are: risk of infection and bleeding associated with any surgery, potential problems with future pregnancies, the recovery time for a C-section far exceeds the recovery time of a vaginal delivery and the scar that will adorn your stomach for all time.

This change in policy may come at a fairly high price tag. C-sections cost about 800 pounds (that's $1,280 American dollars) more than a vaginal birth. In an already struggling British economy this may just break the bank. It is widely believed that only a small percentage of women will elect to have this surgery to avoid labor and other unpleasant effects related to child birth and therefore it will not put an undo strain on the economy. I guess only time will tell what the economic effect will be.

Making the decision on whether to have a C-section birth or a vaginal birth should always be based on what is best for baby and mother. For those women who do have a medical need for this surgery, it is relatively safe, I just don't believe that anyone should have surgery unless it is necessary.

Two Websites That Parents Need to Visit to Keep Their Children Safe

I just visited a website that I recommend that you take the time right now to visit. This website is radkids.org. It has practical tips to teach your children to esape from a predator, activities for children of all ages to teach these lessons, statistics about this growing problem and information about classes that your child can attend in your area. I was so intrigued by what I saw there, I am looking into making a conection with this organization.

A second site that you may also want to take a look at is notonemorechild.org which is an orgaanization trying to address the growing concerns about predators across the country and our children's safety. They are seeking support from Congress to provide better laws and funding for programs and law enforcement support that will keep our children safe from predators.

The Importance of You, Me and Us Time for Parents

It is imperative to good parenting that you. as a parent, remembers to take time for yourself and for your relationship if you are lucky enough to be part of a parenting team. It is important that both parents get some individual "me" time, as well as "us" time to grow your relationship. You will be a much better parent if you are relaxed and feeling good about yourself. Finding the right balance of time for each of these things and still being there for your children can be tricky to maneuver in our hectic day to day lives. This can be particularily challenging for the single parent family. If you are a single parent, find another single parent who has children of similar ages to yours and take turns watching each others children so that you each have the opportunity for that all important "me" time.

Keep in mind how important down time is to your well being annd the quality of care that you are able to give your children. Don't just let this time slip away because you are too busy. Take the time, it is that important.

A "Novel" Thought to Better Connect with your Child No Matter Their Age

Here is a "novel" thought to better connect with your child no matter how old they are, read the same book they are. Get it "novel" thought. Whether the book is something that they are reading for pleasure or for a school assignment is not important. Reading the book at the same pace as your child will give you something to talk about and may just give you both new incite into the book you are reading. My son and I just finished reading the "Hunger Games Trilogy" and it was great. Talk about interesting discussion.

Join a book club with your child today or create your own with just two members.

Gummi Bears and Vodka...What Will They Think Of Next?

Be aware of the new crazy that our tweens and teens are engaging in... Vodka soaked Gummi Bears. If you think I am giving away the secret about how to make these liquer filled candy to your children, think again. It is all over YouTube. My reason for posting the instructions here are so that you are aware of how they are doing it. An educated parent is an armed parent and if you are anything like me you don't spend a great deal of time on YouTube. It's so simple, all they do is dump the gummies in a pan, pour the vodka over the bears, and let it sit. After some time, the bears absorb the alcohol, turning them into an alcohol-soaked candy your child could be chewing on, even while sitting right next to you. The real problem is that they smell like gummy bears. With an entire bottle of vodka poured into a pan of gummies, there's no way for a child to know just how much alcohol they've ingested. Add to that the fact that those little bears are quite addictive themselves. I never eat just a couple, do you?

Who would have thought that schools and parents may have to keep their children away from those seemingly harmless gummy candies, not me.

Unique Way to Help Your Child Deal with their Anger

Here is an unique idea when it comes to teaching your children about dealing with their anger if the traditional methods of breathing and counting are not working for your child. Writer/director Andrea Blaugrund Hevins. Have child press their palms together hard in order to "lasso" the wild feelings before they go on the rampage.

Look to previous postings on this topic for additional ideas.

Leaving Your Young Child in a Car Alone is NEVER a Good Idea!!

Although this may not be the whole story in the Sky Metalwala abduction but it does leave me thinking that I should address the thought of leaving your young child alone in a car. I am going on record right here and now to say that leaving your young child alone in a car is NEVER a good idea. If you start thinking that it is only going to be for a few minutes, they'll get really cranky if I wake them up or that it is going to be too difficult dragging the child around then you should rethink you plans.

The Department of Justice estimates that there are approximately 12,000 non-family child abduction a year. They also report that approximately 37% of these abduction are done by a stranger. Don't give a potential kidnapper the opportunity to take your child. Take your child with you eventhough it seems really inconvienient or plan on running your errand at another time.

I Survived Two Teenagers and So Can You!

In the title of this post I used teenagers but probably more accurately I should say tween/teen with as fast as our children are growing up now a days. Anyone who has had one of these hormones on feet living in their home knows that it can sometimes be a rollercoaster ride or maybe a trip through a fright house. What can you do short of giving them away? I have some thoughts for you, but most of these ideas involve you doing something, or nothing because I don't have a magic wand that takes away hormones.

First and foremost, think back and try to remember that time in your life. How out of whack you felt all or most of the time and have some empathyy for how your child is maneuvering through this time of life given all the pressures of our ever connected society. I don't know about you but I have no wish to revisit that time of my life.

Second. engaging does not help. When they are pitching a fit, argueing with them is counterproductive. Leave them alone until they are ready to rejoin the human race and then talk about whatever they had on their mind.

My last suggestion is a little crazy but I find that it works and I recently suggested it to a friend who actually cracked a smile during her child's tween years whcih says to me that it might just work. Either get in your mind the picture of what a hormone on rollerskates might look like everytime your tween/teen flies off in to tirade. This may just help you gain perspective and keep from engaging in an all out battle. Listen to someone who knows, this interaction never ends well.

Trouble Adjusting to the Time Change? Me, Too Says Your Child

Fall behind, Spring ahead. That means an extra hour of sleep for all of us this Sunday morning, yeah right. Someone should tell my internal clock. It will take most of us, chldren included, two weeks to adjust to the new time and lighting schedule. It is nice that it is light out when our children are going off to school, but it does seem to come home from work or activities in the dark. Understanding that you and your children will have some difficulty adjusting to this time change (yes even with an hour more sleep)will help. Consider taking it a little bit easier with regard to activities and bedtimes during this adujustment period.

For most of us, the time changes marks the beginning of wintery, dreary weather. Studies suggest that some individuals suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) which is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons, most commonly beginning in winter. This disorder may begin in adolescence or early adulthood. Like other forms of depression, it occurs more frequently in women than in men. Most people with the "winter blahs" or "cabin fever" do not have SAD, but some do.

The cause of SAD is not known, but it is thought to be related to ambien lighting, changes in body temperture and hormones associated with winter weather. Since many of us suffer from mild forms of the symptoms associated with this disorder in the winter time, don't automatically assume that you or your child is suffering from it. After seeing the list, I think that you will agree with this last statement. Symptoms include:
afternoon slump with decreased energy and concentration, carbohydrate cravings, decreased interest, depression that starts in fall or winter and ends in spring and summer, increased appetite with weight gain , lack of energy and social withdrawal. Treatment for this disorder can include antidepressant medication, but I really support trying talk therapy or light therapy with a special lamp to mimic light from the sun. Why rely on pills to treat something that could be effectively treated in both you and your child with talk and light.

If you find the winter weather is really getting you or your child down in the dumps in a major way consider consulting your doctor as there may have some help for you and your child. Don't just sit back and wait for what seems to be a never ending season to end, when there is help out there.

David Arquette...Role Model for His Daughter Coco and Our Children as Well

My parenting hat is off to David Arquette for using being voted off Dancing with the Stars as a teachable moment (times two) for his seven year old daughter Coco. The announcement was met with boos from the crowd, and was especially rough since David was cut when Nancy's performance was clearly worse. Even though this elimination seemed unfair, he displayed good sportsmanship and was an excellent role model for his daughter and children everywhere. He joked with the audience, and never stopped smiling as he thanked his partner Kym for her sweetness and patience all season long.

David reported that he had a second teachable moment when he returned home. Coco stated that his being voted off wasn't fair, and David used this time to teach her that life often times is not fair. A lesson many of us need to teach our children in this "entitled" generation.

Don't forget to turn those life lessons that occur in your life into teachable moments for your children and remember that your children learn from your example much more than from your words.

Does the Facebook Age Restriction Really Keep Our Children Safer When They Are On the Internet?

In a recent study parents reported that although Facebook's minimum age is 13, 36% of all parents surveyed reported that their child joined Facebook before the age of 13, and that 68% helped their child create the account.
78% parents surveyed think it is acceptable for their child to violate minimum age restrictions on online services.

Given the results of this survey, I think that our money could be better spent by educating parents and children on how to stay safe on the internet, rather than enforcing an outdated law passed in 1998 before sites like facebook were created that children and parents can get around by lying about the child's age. Websites like isafe.org, www.netsmartz.org, and www.stobullyingnow.hrsa.org provide great information both for parents and children on how to stay safe online.

Want Your Children to Watch There Language...Watch Your Language

Do you want your children to clean up their use of bad language, clean up your language. It may be just that simple. This weekend while at a party, I observed a mother correcting her son because that afternoon he had been caught swearing on the bus. Here were her exact words. "D**n it, John. I am going to beat the living sh*t out of you if you don't stop using that f**king language." Are any of us surprised that he has a problem at school with bad language. Even if your teen, tween or young child has picked up this habit, it is not to late to change their behavior (and your behavior).

One suggestion is to make every member of the family "pay" for their potty mouth, literally. Establish a "Swear Jar" that needs to be fed by the offender. This money can be used to recognize the person who swore the least in the month or be donated to charity.

If your child is swearing at you, you need to understand that they are doing it to elicite a reaction from you. Don't give them the benefit of a reaction, as that will just encourage your child to repeat this behavior. Set a consequence with your child for swearing in advance of the behavior and make sure that you follow through with this consequence when this behavior does occurs. Consistency in discipline is key to eliminating this or any unwanted behavior.

Is It a Bracelet, Is It a Pipe for Smoking Pot or Is It Both?

School Administrator are concerned about a new bracelet that students may be using to conceal drug paraphernalia used to smoke marijuana. At first glance it seems to be a harmless macrame bracelet but parents may need to take a closer look at their children's jewelry. This bracelet hides a pipe for smoking pot. Parents and School Adminstrators seem to be struggling with how to deal with these bracelets. Consider that some children will wear them not knowing what it is, while still others are wearing them because it is the latest trend and they want to be cool and a third group will be wearing them for drug use. If your child has one of these bracelets, which category do they fall into? How do you want your school to handle this situation? Some schools are basing the degree of their disciplinary action on whether the pipe hidden in the bracelet has been used or not.

Tattoo Barbie...Really?

Mattel has recently released the Tokidoki Barbie Doll as it's latest and greatest. Barbie has been a trend setter for girls all over the globe for the last fifty years. Mattel needs to take this into consideration when developing new dolls. I see nothing wrong with tattoos, in fact I have one myself. I do think that when we are looking at someone who has them head to toe, we are viewing someone with a body image problem. I think that having a Barbie with tattoos head to toe sends the message to girls that their bodies are not alright the way they are.

Mattel's response to the negative reaction this doll is getting from parents everywhere is that this doll was made with the adult collector in mind. Mattel you are either trying to fool us into believing that, or you are vastly underestimating the importance of the Barbie Doll among young girls. In a society riddled with bad role models, Barbie has always been there to show girls that they can be anything that they strive to be. That they can be successful without relying on a man. Mattel needs to hold itself to a higher standard than other doll manufacturers. If they want mothers to continue buying these dolls for their daughters, they will do just that.

Halloween Always on a Saturday??

A lawmaker in Connecticut, State Representative Tim Larson, is proposing a bill that would place Halloween on the last Saturday in October instead of the traditional October 31st. His reasoning is that it would be more convenient for parents who have to rush home from work in order to get their children ready for trick or treat, allow activities to start earlier because it is not on a workday and children would not be getting up for school tired the next morning.

Although it would be following a long list of holidays that have gone the route of a specific day of the week instead of a date in the year (Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Easter), I say no. When I was growing up parents feared when Halloween fell on a weekend night because the mischeive makers could stay out later and reek more havoc. In addition wouldn't it change the history behind Halloween. Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as All Saints' Day, a time to honor all saints and martyrs. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Do we change the day of All Saints' Day, too?

What do you think?

Should You Get the HPV Vaccine for Your Children?

The HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) Vaccine is a shot that was previously recommended for girls 11 to 13 years old in order to prevent a sexually transmitted disease and is now also being recommended for young boys. Some parents view this vaccines series of three shots as giving their children permission to have sex. In reality the original purpose of this vaccine was to reduce the number of incidences of cervical cancer in women. A link had been found between women who had contracted this virus and increase in the incidence of cervical cancer. Males were thought only to be carriers for this disease. New research supports a link between this virus and other forms of cancer in males as well. The Center for Disease Control is recommending that all tweeners receive this vaccine as a preventitive for certain forms of cancer. I think we, as parents, should look at this vaccine as a cancer preventative rather than a vaccine to prevent a form of STD.

Getting this vaccine for our children may just wipe out this particular STD and in addition reduce the number of certain forms of cancer. From where I am standing I see that as a win-win. My daughter has already gotten this vaccine, and I will be checking into whether my son should get it as well. I think it is important to note that the only reason that I hesitate in getting my son this series of vaccines is that he has Crohn's Disease and his medications compromise his immune system. If your child has health issues, check with their doctor to see if this vaccine is right for them.

An Important Sesame Street Date If Your Toddler Is Having Trouble Giving Up Their Pacifier

Leave it to Elmo and Sesame Street to help parents out with the difficult task of getting their toddler to give up their pacifier. On episodes that begin airing on October 28th, Elmo will be giving up his pacifier. Sesame Street will be kicking off its first-ever "Put Down the Pacifier" initiative. "Put Down Your Pacifier" Day will officially be celebrated on November 4th. Hats off to Sesame Street for helping parents out with this difficult task.

Keeping Your Children Safe From Fire, Cars and Falls This Halloween

Replace the candles in your Jack-O'Lantern with a battery operated candle to prevent costume fires. They keep your pumpkin looking great but keeps your child safe.

If your child is wearing a dark costume put reflective stickers, glow stick bracelets and necklaces on them and place glow stick or flshlight in their trick or treat bag. More children are hit by cars on Halloween then any other time of the year.

Consider wearing decorative make-up on your children instead of the mask that came with that store bought costume. Having just tripped over an uneven sidewalk, I can tell you that it can very damaging to your face and hands. In addition, cut the bottom off their costumes so that they are not dragging on the ground to prevent those nasty falls.

Happy Halloween! If you are taking your children out or if you are the one left behind to hand out candy consider dressing up. Your children will love it and you might just have a great time. Last year I went as Jessie from Toy Story and several children stopped my husband who went as Woody and I to give us a hug or to tell us how much they liked us. Bonus: Many houses gave us candy too. I am thinking of going as Smurfette this year, a character blasted right out of my childhood.

Should You Be Concerned about the Well-being of Your Homosexual Teenager?

Research supports that the teenage suicide rate increases when there have been teen suicides reported in the news. There have been several reports of sucide in gay teens over the last few weeks, so I say yes there is a reason for the parents of homosexual teens to be concerned. Keep a close eye on there behavior. Are the showing signs of suicide. Have they had a change in behavior, have they stopped talking to you about things that are going on in their life, are they isolating themselves from other, are they giving things away? If they are displaying any of these things, don't panic but get them some professional help. They may not be thinking about suicide, but my motto has always been better safe than sorry when it comes to children.

Are Your Children the Reason for Your Dwindling Sex Life, or Could It Be Something Else?

Despite popular believe, having children may not be the main reason for the lack of sex in your life. This problem may be easier to solve than you think and not involve getting rid of your children. Couples who have a television in their bedroom have fifty percent less sex than couples who don't have a television in their bedroom. Wow!! So keep the kids, get rid of the TV and "pump up" your sex life.

Bumper Pads: Are They Safe or Do They Present an Unnecessary Health Risk?

Recent research from a number of health agencies and SIDS awareness groups suggest that the risks associated with using a bumper pad on your infant's crib far exceeds any benefits. With the changes that have been made in cribs, specificly the distance between the side rail slats, it is no longer beneficial to use a bumper pad. Parents often used them to keep their child's head, arms or legs from getting stuck inbetween the rails when the rails were farther apart. However, the most recent studies have suggested that there is some risk for suffocation associated with the use of bumper pads.

Since there seems to currently be no benefit to using bumper pads, outside of the fact that they are decoratively pleasing, and it increases the risk that your child could suffocate, please stop using them. Eventhough the risk is quite small, don't put your child at risk at all. Take off the bumper pad right now. Don't wait.

Keeping Your Children Safe This Halloween

Here are some tips for keeping your children safe while they are out trick or treating this Halloween from the Center for Disease Control. I was surprised that my own personal tip did not make their list. I have always sent each of my children out trick or treating with a ziplock bag of their favorite treats in their trick or treat bag. This way they can have candy along the way that I have already checked to make sure it is safe. When they were older, they were not embarrased about this because their friends just thought they were eating from the candy they had been collecting.


S...Swords, knives, and accessories should be short, soft, and flexible.
A...Avoid trick-or-treating alone. Walk in groups or with a trusted adult.
F...Fasten reflective tape to costumes and bags
E...Examine all treats for choking hazards and tampering before
eating them. Limit the amount of treats you eat.

H...Hold a flashlight to help you see and others see you.
A...Always test make-up in a small area first. Remove it before
bedtime to prevent skin and eye irritation.
L...Look both ways before crossing the street. Use established
crosswalks wherever possible.
L...Lower your risk for serious eye injury by not wearing decorative
contact lenses.
O...Only walk on sidewalks or on the far edge of the road facing
traffic to stay safe.
W...Wear well-fitting masks, costumes, and shoes to avoid blocked
vision, trips, and falls.
E...Eat only factory-wrapped treats. Avoid eating homemade treats
unless you know the cook well.
E...Enter homes only if you're with a trusted adult. Otherwise, stay
outside.
N...Never walk near lit candles or luminaries. Be sure to wear flame-resistant costumes.

Wishing you a fun filled, safe Halloween!

Have You Ever Considered Making Your Child's Halloween Costume with Them?

Some of my funniest and most memorable moments of my children's childhood came when working with them to create a costume. Whether it was a halloween costume, a costume for a school play or a costume for a themed ride or party didn't matter. What made (and still makes) those times so memorable is that we were creating something together.

If you are thinking that you can't sew I have a secret to let you in on, I don't sew either. That's where the creativity comes into play. We have put together outfits using what we have in our own closets, as well as treasured finds from thrift stores. Some costumes that we have made over the years are: Minnie Mouse, the Little Mermaid, Bikers, Pirates, Elvis, Reindeer, superheroes. These "homemade" costumes have received many compliments over the years. I haven't really heard too many people compliment the store bought variety and don't get me started on the safety of those plastic masks. Probably the costume that comes to mind as one of my all time favorites is the lunch lady costume that we put together for a Crohn's and Colitis biking event that my son was crewing. Shameless plug here for "Get Your Guts in Gear", a great bike ride and community for those who have a connection to Crohn's or Colitis and even for those who don't. Riders and crew alike still remember "Madge" eventhough it has been more than five years since she made an appearance. It still makes me laugh thinking about the faces on the people in the thrift store as my son let me know how the dress he was trying on fit.

Consider spending some time over the next two weeks before halloween, creating a one of a kind costume and a "priceless" memory with your child.

Looking for Something to Do This Weekend with Your Children...Here are a Few Ideas for Little to No Money

Living in Orlando there are lots of things to do, after all it is the happiest place on earth. The problem is they all come with a large price tag. It takes some creativity to come up with fun things to do with your children for little to no money that they will really like doing.

Some activities for the younger crowd: go to the playground (try to find a new one that you haven't been to yet), go to the children's museum (watch for the days that they are open free to the public), rent an old children's movie that you liked as a child and pop a bag of popcorn, play an age appropriate board game, depending on the weather play a game of tag or hide and seek as a family or have a snow ball fught (obviously there are not to many of these in Florida), campout in your own backyard (ghost stories and s'mores were always hits at our house).

Some ideas for your older children: watch an old movie with them (some of the Hitchcock films are great or its always fun to watch what passed for sci-fi films back in the day), work on the car together, wash the car together making sure to get wet, play badmitton or volleyball, take a walk in the park and talk (and be sure to really listen also), take a ride around looking at holiday decorations (this includes halloween), take a long bike ride, create a meal together (let them be the chef and you be the assistance).

None of these ideas appeal to you, ask your children what they would like to do. Make a game of it. Candy bar for the person who comes up with the best idea.

Get out there and spend time together. Have fun.

Plastic Surgery and Down Syndrome

The very idea of performing plastic surgery on Down Syndrome children so that they look more normal and will therefore be treated more normally sickens me. It seems to me that the people who look at these children differently are the ones who have the problem, and we all know that there is no surgery for ignorance.

The pros of this surgery are that these children will be treated like any other "normal" child if they alter the features most commonly associated with this genetic disorder.

The people opposed to it argue that the child is being unnecessaryily exposed to the dangers assocaited with having any surgery. In addition, it was suggested that by appearing normal may present some safety issues, as well as some social problems.

I am opposed to the idea of performing unnecessary surgery on any child. This opposition is amplified for children with disabilities. If you are considering this surgery for your wonderfully special child, I would encourage you to take a good hard look at why you are making this choice. Is it for your child or is it for you?

The Workout Kid...Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Exercise When It Comes to Our Children

Is there such a thing as too much exercise when it comes to our children? A news report that I heard this morning got me thinking about that very question. A ten year old who has been referred to as "the Workout Kid" seems to be taking the obesity problem of our children as his mission. Is it okay for a ten year old to have a six pack and workout for up to six hours a day? He seems to be taking a sensible stance to his health and well-being by eating right and exercising, as well as motivating other children to do the same. I think that he is walking a fine line, that many children cross every day. I don't think there is anything wrong with our children eating right and exercising, actually there is probably everything right about that. Things get out of hand when our children start going on fad diets, or diets at all, to lose weight and exercise or participate in sports to the point where they are injuring their body.

As a parent, I hope you encourage your children to stay fit while still maintaining a well rounded life. It appears to me that that is exactly what the parents of "the workout kid" are doing. Hats off to them and good luck to him in his mission to help other children get into shape.

Somewhat Healthy Snacks for After School

Here are some of my favorite snacks to serve children when they return from a hard day of school. Since some include fruit or nuts, I consider them somewhat healthy but very yummy.

Kinda S'mores-Spread Nutella on a graham cracker and place a slice of banana on top

Yum Yums-open up one side of a banana leaving it in the skin, slice banana into one inch chunks, take out a few chunks to make room for chocolate, place small square of chocolate between each piece of banana, place in microwave for about ten seconds.

Frozen Fruit-freeze fruit such as grapes, or berries.

Too Much Pressure to Do Well on Tests...Are We Pushing Our Children to Cheat?

Are we as a country putting too much pressure on our children to do well on standardized tests like the SAT, the ACT or whatever yearly test is required where you live? My answer is YES. Evidence of children breaking under the pressure of these tests can be seen in the recent arrest of a SAT Cheating Ring. Reports from the test administrators that cheating like this has never happened before need to pull their heads out of the sand and take a closer look around. Cheating on these exams go on all the time.

I am not sure what the results of exams like these really tell administrators about what a student is like and how they are likely to do in the future. I have seen several "A" students do poorly on these tests because of test anxiety or poor test taking skills. I have also seen failing students do quite well because they guess well or have great test taking skills. I think it is important for schools and colleges to take a look at the whole student, rather then test results that provide just a snapshot of the student. We all know that snapshots can be deceiving.

Is Saving Your Eggs for a Better Time in Life Fair to the Children

Many women who are busy in their thirties and early forties building their career or enjoying their single life style are opting to delay having children by freezing their eggs. Will this be fair to the children that they are having in their fifties and sixties?

By freezing your eggs before you turn forty, you are decreasing the risk for birth defects if you are planning to get pregnant later in life. No question that this is a huge benefit to the health and well-being of these children. But what about raising these children that you had later in life. Some individuals believe that we become more patient in later life and are therefore better able to deal with parenting issues, I am not sure that I agree. We have phrases like "grumpy old men" for a reason. Another thing to consider is the energy required to really participate fully in your child's life. As your body is starting to show some wear, are you going to feel like keeping up with a toddler.

As a baby boomer, I am facing the prospect of dealing with aging parents. I am better prepared to do this financially and emotionally in my forties and fifties then I ever would have been in my teens or twenties. If you put off having your children into your fifties or sixties, your child may be facing these problems just as they are graduating high school.

Just some food for thought. I believe that the best years for starting a family are between the late twenties and forty. You have experienced enough of life by that time to be able to accept the responsibility of parenting and will still be young enough to enjoy all the stages of your child's youth. I will confess to you that I gave birth to our first child at twenty-two and I do believe that we would have been better prepared if we had just waited a few more years to start our family.

Should the US Take a Good Hard Look at Denmark's Fat Tax to Solve Our Obesity Problem?

Denmark is about to impose a tax on food items that are high in fat and sugar. With the growing obesity problem in the US, especially among our children, should we look to impose a similar tax? I think that we should wait to see the effect that it has on Denmark's obesity problem before jumping on board with this tax. Although their problem is no where near the size of ours, finding out how Denmark responds to this tax will give us some incite into how the US would greet such a tax. I think that it is important to note that in the days leading up to this tax, the people of Denmark have begun hording these fat and sugar filled foods. I can just imagine what the pantries in the US would look like prior to imposing such a tax. I propose a wait and see stance on this one.

What to Look for When Picking a PreSchool for Your Child

Here are some suggestions for picking out the best PreSchool for your Child from "The First Five Years Fund" whose mission is to create a smarter, stronger, healthier, and more productive America through early childhood education for disadvantaged children.

1) Tour any early childhood center you are considering
2) Look at the interaction between teacher and students...students should feel secure,respected, and connected
3) Does school take interests of students into account
4) Are things at child's eye level in the classroom
5) Number of students in classroom should not exceed 20 and there should be two adults (I think even smaller than 20)
6) Does school provide professional development for their teachers

PreSchool is no longer viewed as play time. Students are busy learning letters and letter sounds, pre writing skills, pre reading skills and school etiquette. It is imparative that your child has this experience so that they don't find themselves behind on that very important first day of Kindergarten. Many states are offering these programs at no cost to parents for four year olds.

In addition, most school districts provide preschool classes to three year olds who are developmentally delayed in one or more areas. Check with the school district in your area if you find that your child appears to be behind other children of similar age with regard to communication, gross motor skills, fine motor skills or behavior. Obtaining this assistance for your child may give them the added boost that they need to be successful in school.

Services are also available through the school district for children younger than three who have serious delays in one or more areas of development. In a perfect world, your pediatrician would be letting you know about these services but in my experience this does not always happen. You are your child's best advocate. If you think they have a need for these services, find out what you need to do to see if they are eligible. It may just be the difference between academic struggles and academic success.

Parenting Studies...Should You Take the Findings Seriously?

Two parenting related studies published last week have caught the attention of parents everywhere. One suggests that watching cartoons or fast paced shows can have an adverse effect on your child's attention span and impulsive nature. The second found that fathers who spend more time with their children had lower testosterone levels then childless men or father who did not spend time with their children.

The first study found that four year olds who watched fast paced, scene changing cartoons for 9 1/2 minutes had shorter attention spans and were more impulsive than those who engaged in other activities. It is important to note that the effects were not long lasting and they had a rather small sample population of 60. Valid or not, there is evidence in several other studies to support the idea that watching T.V. or playing games that are fast paced does have an adverse effect on a child's attention span. This theory can be seen in the dramatic increase in ADD and ADHD in are always connected, fast paced society. Consider turning off the T.V. and video games and play a good, old fashioned board game.

I am concerned that some men are going to look at the results of the second study and decide that they need to spend less time with their children in order to preserve their manhood. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Women are much more interested in men who are comfortable enough with themselves and their masculinity to be able to display a softer side when it comes to children.

When looking at the results of studies, it is important to consider whether the results are valid. How large was the population that they studied? Was it representative of the general population? But most importantly is the knowledge that data can be manipulated to prove anything. Don't change your behavior just because a study suggests that you should, change your behavior because it makes sense for your family.

Who Says that Animals Don't Have Feelings Like Humans Do?

Whoever says that animals don't have feelings like humans do, hasn't seen the video entitled "Urlesque: Baby Elephant Really Annoys Its Mom". I don't think that there is a mom out there who hasn't experienced the same feelings that this mother elephant was having when her baby was trying to crawl all over her when she was trying to get just five minutes of alone time.

To avoid the same outcome that this mother elephant experienced, plan down times into each and every day. You will be a better mom for having taken that time for yourself whether your baby is three days old or ten years old. So be careful not to spend all your down time, cleaning house or making a gourmet dinner. In the future what do you want to be remembered for: being a wonderful housekeeper, an amazing chef or the number one mom in your child's eyes?

How Do You Keep Mothering with Broken Bones and Severe Pain?

I am faced with the dilemma of figuring out a way to continue posting and writing my book with the use of just one hand. After 15 hours in the hospital and many x-rays, I was sent home with a splint and sling around my dominent arm. In ten days, I will hopefully be exchanging it for a fiberglass cast because the alternative is surgery. It just must be said that breaking your funny bone in two, not so funny. I can't pull down my pants or wear any top that isn't a halter. Fortunately, my children are grown but I am not sure what I would do if they were little. I guess I would do exactly what I am doing and that is lean on my friends and family to help me out. It really is true that you come to know who your true friends are during your times of trouble. I have been blessed with some terrific friends and family. I hope that you don't need to break something to realize how blessed you are with friends and family. Let them know now how much you value them.

Bear Feet or Bare Feet?

My son Stephen is 11 but when he was 2, I was getting him ready to go out and play. He was rushing me so I told him we had to put his shoes on because he couldn't go outside with bare(bear)feet. He looked down at his feet and said but I have boy feet.
Lorraine
Mother of One
Sanford, FL

A good reminder that children are so literal.

Out of the Mouth of a 5 Year Old

A couple of days ago I was telling Charlie how smart he was and how proud I was of him. He looked at me and said, " When you get to be an adult, your brain gets smaller." I asked why he said that, his response, "Cause I am always telling you things and you are always forgetting them."
Laura
Mother of 5 Kids from 17 to 2
Orlando, Fl

I remember when my son was in third grade, he told me that third graders knew everything and after that you started to get stupid. I held my tongue until he got out of third grade, and then I asked him how it felt to be getting stupider. Maybe not the best grammer but I definitely made my point.

I wonder if we appear as if we are forgetting things because our minds are so busy in this overly connected society. Food for thought.

RtI...What the Heck is That?

You are the parent of a child who is struggling in school and you want and need help, what do you do? The schools response is that it is going to take time. You might be asking yourself why, and there is a very good explaination that the school is not explaining in a clear way. Here is the info that you are looking for.

RtI is the new buzz phrase when it comes to children who are struggling in school. What is RtI? It is short for Response to Intervention and it actually is not a bad thing. It means that the school is required to put intervetions into place right away for your child in the areas that they are struggling in. Hopefully these intervention will assist your child and they will not need to be placed into special education. The way it used to work is that your child would be tested and if they were eligible they would get the help that they needed. Many children who did not meet the eligibility criteria for Special Education were left to struggle without additional support. Now those children will begin getting the help they need imediately without the need for a label.

Although, this is better for the student, it puts the burden of providing this individual or small group intervention back onto an already overworked, underpaid teacher. In a time when there are massive cuts in an already bare to the bones teaching staff, they are being called upon to do more. I am sending out a plea to you as a taxpayer to write your congressional representative and express your concerns. In addition, contact your local school board and express your outrage that although the school districts are making major cuts in teachers and those who provide direct service to children, they are keeping the fat. There is no big surprise as to the why the cuts are being made the way that they are. Just like in congress, the ones making the decisions about cuts (the administrators) are not going to cut their own jobs. In a time when the economy is so tight, maybe we need to take a hard look about the way we are currently doing things, and change them to a more efficient way.

Maggie Goes on a Diet...A Few More Thoughts

As someone who has been teaching children about bully prevention, I am concerned over the fact that the book, Maggie Goes on a Diet, sends the message to children that people who are skinny don't get bullied and that they make friends easier than their heavier counterparts. I think that it is important to let your children know that this is not true. Heavy or skinny, some children just make friends easily. It's part of their make-up and has nothing to do with their weight. All children fall victim to being bullied at some time in their life. It is important to teach your child some techniques to better deal with bullying behavior, and losing weight isn't one of them. Check out the series that I did on bully prevention to obtain some ideas on helping your child with this problem.

If this book does make it to the bookstores or e-reader list, I hope you will think twice about getting it for your child.

$30,000+ For a Pre-School Graduation Party...What Message are We Sending our Children

A new reality TV show that presents parents spending in excess of thirty thousand dollars to throw their children a party, when will the madness stop? That is the premise of the latest in a string of bizarre reality shows that are teaching our children unrealistic and detrimental values. It is called "Outrageous Kid Party". Some of the parties that will be highlighted on this show include a $31,000 Pre-School Graduation Party and a $32,000 birthday party. What are these parents and producers thinking? In a time when our economy is in big trouble, the last thing that we need to be encouraging in our youth is frivolous spending. I think this may be what got our nation and the world into such economic difficulty in the first place.

Is Hot Sauce Mom Disciplining Her Son or Torturing Him?

The mother who appeared on Dr. Phil, having sent him a video of how she disciplined her son for lying, is now being charged with abuse. She punished her son for lying by placing hot sauce in his mouth and making him hold it there. She also corrected him by placing him in a freezing cold shower. Is Hot Sauce Mom disciplining her son or torturing him? I guess that will be up to the courts to decide. She claims that she had tried all kinds of discipline but none of them worked. She states that he is suffering from a behavior disorder. If this is true, why isn't she seeking professional help? Some may say that that was what she was doing by contacting the Dr. Phil show, but I think it was more about her notoriety rather than any help she was seeking for her son. Shame on her, and shame on the Dr. Phil show, for being more concerned about ratings then the health and well-being of a young boy.

I guess the verdict is in and she is guilty of misdemeanor child abuse, just a slap on the wrist for torturing your child. Kinda sad to think that we treat parents more fairly then they treat their children.

Maggie Goes on a Diet...Cute Picture Book or Does It Promote Eating Disorders

"Maggie Goes on a Diet" is a soon to be released picture book that is drawing lots of controversy. Is it sending the author's intended message of promoting healthy eating habits, exercise and positive self concept, or does it suggest the need for our young children to diet if they are over weight? The content of the book is innocent enough in some ways, but I have trouble getting past the title. Having had a child with an eating disorder and looking at the statistic that reports that eating disorders among children under twelve are up 119% in the last ten years, I am concerned that this author is sending a very different message then he intended.

As both a counselor and a mother who has had to face this issue, I am sending out a plea to this author and his publisher to pull this book from the shelves before it even gets there. Please at the very least rename this book to better reflect your intent.

Nails in the Fence...A Story about Anger with a Profound Ending

NAILS IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next
few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days
passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Ideas for Helping Your Child Get a Great Start for the New School Year

Get a great start in the new school year requires some planning and preparation,both on your part and the part of your child. The most important thing that your child can do to prepare is read, read, and read some more. The only saying "practice makes perfect" is so true when it comes to reading. The more they read, the faster they become at reading whcih will save them time in the long run.

If your child is transitioning to a new school this year, visit the school in advance with them. This will relieve some of the anxiety that they may be feeling about that first day. Atleast they will have an idea where they are going. If possible walk them through their schedule, so they will know how to get from one place to another. If the schedule is not available, pick up a map of the school and map out their route when the schedule is available.

Obtain a list of supplies that your child will need for the school term and purchase them in advance. Your child will then be prepared for those teachers who start into it on the first day.

Attend the open house or meet and greet at your school. Take your child with you if they are allowed to come. Sign up to volunteer for whatever you can make time to do in the school. This will send the message to your child and theiir teachers that your child's schooling is important to you.

If you feel the need to meet with a teacher about your child's special needs, try to wait a few weeks. Let your child's teachers get to know your child, the meeting will be much more informative if you give the teacher this time. The exception to this is if your child has medical needs that the teacher needs to know about. In that case, you may want to call the school over the summer and set up an appointment with the school nurse to discuss your child's needs. The beginning of the week before school starts is a good time to make that call, as the staff is back from summer break.

Quotes for Starting a New School Year

As the school year approaches, here are some words of wisdom regarding starting school.

"Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle." - E.C. McKenzie

"Schoolteachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday." - E. C. McKenzie

I abhor grades - if a child does his best, that's all that should be asked.
Richard Dawson

Starting Kindergarten by unknown
A, B, C, D, E Kindergarten's where I want to be
F, G, H, I, J Learn to read and write each day
K, L, M, N, O Boys and girls we like to know
P, Q, R, S, T Sharing books with you and me
U, V, W, X, Y Now it's time to say goodbye
Z, Z, Z, Z, Z Kindergarten's where I want to be!

The First Day of School by Aileen Fisher
I wonder if my drawing will be as good as theirs
I wonder if they'll like me, or just be full of stares
I wonder if my teacher will look like mom or gram
And I wonder if my puppy will wonder where I am.

My School Promise by unknown
Each day I'll do my best
And I won't do any less.
My work will always please me,
And I won't accept a mess.
I'll color very carefully,
My writing will be neat.
And I will not be happy,
Till my papers are complete.
I'll always do my homework,
And try my best on every test.
I won't forget my promise,
To do my very best!

Saying Yes to All the Wedding Dresses

Having watched a few episodes of "Say Yes To The Dress" before going shopping with my daughter to find her perfect dress, I was a little leery of this wedding task. As it turns out, she bought the first dress she tried on. We hadn't even gone to a bridal store. I insisted that she try some of the dresses on at a local bridal store even though she had already gotten her dress and she ended up buying a second dress. She is a spiller, so having a backup dress may be a good idea. We got both at such a great price, two were doable. Many bridal stores have great sales on dresses in June and since styles of wedding dresses don't change all that much from one year to the next, take advantage of the sale the June before your daughters wedding.

Who would have thought that the problem that we would have with dresses would be with the bridesmaids. Me! My daughter picked three bridesmaids that shop in three different departments: juniors, misses and plus sizes. Three different heights: tall, average and short. Three different shoe sizes: narrow, wide and big. After shopping for many days to find a dress for all of them without any luck, I started looking online for the perfect dress. I should note that the bridal shops did carry all sizes but lacked a style that looked good on the plus size bridesmaid. I did find a website that fit the bill, found several dresses and measured all the girls. Unfortunately, when the dresses arrived they did not fit at all. Back to the drawing board. We did find the dresses in what I think is an unlikely place...Penney's. We were looking for a knee length dress and Penney's had the best selection in all three sizes. I believe that the lesson here is don't be afraid to look in unlikely places for your dresses. In the end, it doesn't matter where you got the dress just how it looks on.

A final note about bridesmaid dresses. When I got married, my bridesmaids wore dresses that had been made for them. If this is what you choose to do, learn from my mistake. I sent all the materials (pattern, material, thread, zipper, hooks, everything needed) to each of them because they lived in four different states and would only be together the night before the wedding. Imagine how upset I was the night before the wedding, when each of the dresses were slightly different. I couldn't do anything about it that late in the game. I think you can prevent my nightmare by having one person make all the dresses from the measurements of each girl and then having them fitted when each bridesmaid is available.

The most important thing to do when having difficulty finding the dresses is to remain calm. Keep in mind that it is going to work out somehow. In addition, if you have someone in the bridal party who is difficult to fit try to continually encourage them. Don't forget that they may begin feeling badly about how the clothes are fitting them. Don't say anything about them losing weight or exercising more. Remember the feeling that you get when trying to find the perfect swimsuit and the words of encouragement that you were wishing that you had heard. Use those words to help them through this trying time that they are having.

Some Other Quotes about Weddings and Marriage

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make -- not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.
-Barbara De Angelis

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
-Ogden Nash

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
-Source Unknown

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife.
-Source Unknown

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage
-Zig Ziglar

Some Very Profound Words from Zig Ziglar on Planning a Wedding and Marriage

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage
-Zig Ziglar

We can always count on Zig Ziglar to hit the nail on the head. Maybe if we would all work on the marriage as hard as we work to make the perfect wedding, our divorce rate would be much lower. There are definitely times when divorce is the only choice but I don't believe that we can say that about almost 50% of the marriages. There will be times in every marriage when things get tough, that is not the time to choose to get going out the door.

Finding A Place for the Reception

Picking Out a Site for the Reception was easier than I thought it would be once we found a good source for area information. Here is my wedding and party hint of the day: if you are looking for information about an area that you are not familiar with go to their information center. I know a groundbreaking idea or not so much. If they don't have an information center, I recommend that you contact the chamber of commerce or city hall for information.

When we talked to the people at the information center in New Smyrna Beach, they were not only very helpful but they handed us a packet that they had put together that had all the information needed to plan a wedding. Lists of local reception halls, photographers, DJs, caterers, cakes, flowers, etc. It has made planning ssssooooo much easier. If you are planning a wedding, I hope this tip makes your life easier. My only recommendation to you is that you get two copies of the packet, mine has gotten written over and nasty quite quickly.

Picking Out the Location for the Ceremony

Picking out the location for the wedding doesn't seem like it would be too difficult unless your daughter has decided to get married at the beach with 100 guests. I started out by trying to find a beachhouse right on a private, nondriving beach to have the wedding and reception at. After looking for hours on line, going to see about 20 houses and calling eight management companies, no luck. The funny thing is people don't want a 100 people in their rental property. Go figure. Then I moved on to asking friends and family if they knes of anyone who owned a large enough beachhouse, no luck. Next, I came up with the idea of the ceremony taking place at a hotel or resort. This posed a problem because the people staying their would be sharing the beach with us and she is getting married during spring break. Lastly, I came up with the idea of the national seashore. When I called them, I was told that they only allow 20 people at a ceremony but if I wanted to I could apply for a varience. I applied and got it. Location for ceremony found. Phew. Took a lot of man (or woman) hours to find the location for the ceremony. Now I only have the location for the reception, location for the rehearsal dinner, flowers, caterer, cake, DJ, bartender and centerpieces. Thankfully my daughter is not a bridezilla, but she is testing me with some unique requests. If you can afford it, I hear getting a wedding planner makes all of these headaches go away. I want her to have everything she has ever dreamed of in her wedding and then a few personal touches that she hasn't even thought of. I am not sure that someone who doesn't know her very well can do that. I'll let you know if I still feel that same way in a few months, after I have done more of the planning.

Meeting Your Child's Future In-Laws

This weekend we finally met the people most important to the man my daughter is going to marry. It went very well and they were wonderful people, but what do you do if that isn't the case? What do you do if you don't get along with your child's in-laws?

I can only speak to this issue from the standpoint of the children, but maybe hearing my experience will help make your experience go smoother. My parents and my in-laws did not really get along when they first met due to some fundemental differences and beliefs. First of all my father in-law was a union member and my father worked for the management side of union negotiations (fortunately not for the same company). Secondly, we were of different faiths. Catholic and Lutheran. Both were Christian faiths but it was at a time that those two religions were not really seeing eye to eye. I will tell you that it was the cause of some very tense moments and many disagreements between my husband and I over the years. Even after all this time, they seem to compete with each other over things like time with the grandchildren and where we spend the holidays.

Being aware of these types of issues may help me to try to get along better with my daughters in-laws and be more understanding about the time that she spends with his family. Marriage is hard enough, I don't want to add any undo stress to my daughter's marriage by putting myself in competition with his family. I do realize that this will be difficult because I will be fighting against my maturnal instinct of wanting to keep her my little girl. Wish me luck.

My Daughters Getting Married...Follow My Wedding Planning Experience

My daughter is getting married in March of 2012 and I am busy trying to plan her dream wedding. I thought that it might be fun to have a log of how the planning is going throughout this process. So I will be updating you about how things are progressing. I made the promise to her that it would be her wedding, not the wedding that I want. I am counting on you to keep me on that path. I think that all too often we, as the mother of the bride, plan the wedding that we always wanted and didn't get because our own mothers took over the planning of our wedding. My plan is to break that cycle in my family and give my daughter the wedding she has always dreamed of. This may be a tough promise to keep because she has some pretty unusual ideas. She wants a beach wedding for 100 people, sandcastle centerpieces and three bridesmaids who shop in three different departments to name just three of the challenges that her wedding wishes present. Keep checking in for my updates on how things are going.

Play Dates and Alcohol...Do They Really Mix Well?

A recent trend has moms and stay at home dads adding to the traditional play date by raising an alcohol filled glass. Is there anything wrong with this, I would say no as long as the drinking is done in moderation and that no one is driving with children in the car having had too much to drink.

I would ask all of those individuals speaking out against these types of play dates, are they falling victim to a double standard. Fathers have been taking their children to ballgames and partaking in several beers during the game for generations and there has been no out public out cry about that. Do we hold mothers to a different standard then fathers, or should we be taking a hard look at the possible dangers of engaging in either of these two activities.

When it comes to drinking during activities with your children, I think the important words to consider are: moderation and driving under the influence.

Be Ready for a Discussion about Marijuana

Be prepared to discuss your feelings about marijuana with your children because more than likely they will ask. The debate about legalizing marijuana has been going for as long as I can remember and it is still going strong today. Make sure that you have decided where you stand on this issue and that you feel comfortable telling your children where you stand. Is it a gateway drug or less harmful than cigarette smoking? I don't know, but you should also consider that no matter how you feel it is still illegal to use marijuana.

Your Child Has an Addiction Problem...Now What?

The signs are there, your child has an addiction to drugs or alcohol.
Now what? The first thing to do is to leave the guilt on the door step. Ultimately, even if you have an addiction yourself, your child is responsible for their addiction. It is VITAL to their recovery for them to accept responsibility for their addiction, and not push it off on you. Get them professional help ASAP; this is not a problem that you can handle on your own. The sooner that you get them help, the better chance they have of recovery. Your role in your child’s recovery is to get them help, and to make sure that you are not playing the role of enabler. Help for addictive behaviors takes on many forms: residential facilities, support groups, individual counseling to name a few. Decide on the program that is best suited to helping your child and then commit to it. Give it some time to start working. If you see no improvement, try a different program. Don’t just give up; this is the life or should I say death of your child that you are talking about. It is also important to get some support for you and your family as well. AA has some wonderful groups for family members that have a high success rate

Signs of Drug Abuse...If Your A Parent You Need to Know This

This is a list of some of the common signs that your child is using drugs. This is by no means all of the signs of drug use, just some of the most common and easy to recognize. Your child will not have all of these signs if they are using drugs. Don't fool yourself into believing that your child does not have a problem because they are exhibiting only a few of the signs. The signs of drug use include: becoming withdrawn, weight loss, starts doing poorly in school, extremely moody (but then again what teen isn’t moody), glassy eyes, missing prescription drugs, alcohol or money at home, and a change of friends.

The Life of Amy Winehouse and a Teachable Moment on Drug Abuse

Take the time to talk to your children about the tragic loss of the very young and talented Amy Winehouse. Use this death as a starting point for a very serious discussion with your children about the dangers of drug use. Children and young adults tend to believe that they are infallible and therefore will take risks that may end in their death. It may just sink in that engaging in dangerous behaviors and drug use leads to death even in young people.

Drug Talk.. Include Prescription Drugs, Tobacco and Alcohol

When talking to your children about drugs include a discussion about the difference between prescription drugs and illegal drugs. Make sure that they understand that using drugs that have been prescribed for someone else is considered illegal drug use. Many children feel that prescription drugs prescribed to anyone is safe for them to use, let them know that this isn't true. Many prescription drugs have side effects that they may not be aware of.

Talk about alcohol and tobacco being illegal drugs as well. This may be a problem for many parents as they may use these substances. Let them know that these drugs have ill effects on a body that is still growing which is why they are illegal for children.

What If You Child Asks You If You Ever Tried Drugs...and You Did?

What if they ask you if you ever used drugs? Many parents find it difficult to talk with their children about the dangers of using drugs because they are afraid that their children will ask if they ever tried drugs when they were younger. They fear being seen as hypocritical. If this question does come up and you did experiment when you were younger, be honest. Share with them that you are trying to save them from making the same mistakes that you made when you were their age. Let them know what your views are now about drugs and why.

Breast Milk Baby Doll...You're Kidding Right?

Breast Milk Babies, and reality TV shows called Dance Moms and Toddlers and Tiaras...What message are we sending our children? I think that it is imperative to allow our kids to be kids. I left the "just" out of that last statement because I think that putting it in implies that being a kid is settling for less. If our children have any chance of growing up to be normal productive adults, we need to allow them time to play. Reality comes and bites us in the butt soon enough, let your kid be a kid for as long as they can. Instead of carting them off to some beauty pageant, sporting activity or having them mimic some grown up activity, play with them. Playing with them may even reduce the stress that you are feeling given todays fast paced, always connected society.

When thinking about placing your children in extracurricular activities be sure to consider whether you're doing it for them or for you. Often times we place our children in activities because of something that is lacking in our own lives. If you find that your child's activity is filling your own void in your life consider trying to find something of your own to fill that need. There are "Mrs." Beauty Contests, and dance classes for adults available for you to participate in if that's what floats your boat. Try hard not to live your life through the life of your child.