Reconnecting with Your Children Even If It Has Been a Long Time Since a Very Bitter Divorce

Is it too late to reconnect with your children after not seeing them for years due to a bitter divorce? The easy answer to this question is "no", but it is important to reaalize that this may not turn out to be the fairytale reunion that you are envisioning. There are some things that you are going to need to think about when getting ready to reconnect with your children. This decision is tied up with the emotions of several other people, so consider the idea of this reconnection carefully. Do you really want to reconnect or do you just want to briefly check in on them and then disappear from their lives again? If you are not in it for the long haul, please find another way to obtain the information that you are seeking. It was very hard for your children to deal with your abandonment years ago, and it would be extremely selfish of you to put them through it again just to fulfill your needs.

Another thing to consider is the age of your children. If they have not yet reached adulthood, you will need the approval of their guardian. Often times this will be your ex. Are you ready to reach out and talk to your ex? It probably will not be a warm and fuzzy discussion, as they were the ones who had to deal with the fallout when you left the first time. You will probably be met with strong resistance to this reunion. Even though you know that you have committed completely to this reunion, you will probable have an uphill battle convincing your ex of that. If you children are adults, you may also meet with resistance from them. Be ready to answer their questions about why now. They may think that you are only connecting with them because you need something from them. If this is the case, best to be honest about it.

Allow your children time to vent their anger towards you over your leaving. Do not try to convince them that it is not your fault or let them in on the whys about why you left, there will be time for that. At first just let them vent and let them know that you are listening to what they have to say. They may have a lot to work through before they are able to begin developing a relationship with you. Don't expect to fall right into the role of parent, I think the most that you can hope for is friendship. If your children end up deciding that they don't want to have a relationship with you at this time, let them know that its okay to decide that and that you will be there for them if they change their mind down the road.

Even if this does not work out the way you envisioned it, it is important to still make the attempt. Whether your reconnection ends in a new relationship or falls flat, it served a very important purpose. It allowed your children to get rid of some of the emotional baggage left over from their childhood.