Another Inspired Qoute about Family

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family

In the Good Old Summertime Series: Sunscreen, Bike Helmets and Other Sporting Equipment

As summer vacation approaches, I hope you and your children are fighting this nation obesity problem by spending more time outside.  If you and your children are spending more time outside doing things, encourage them to wear sunscreen and reapply it throughout the day.  Trust me on this one.  Having lived for Florida for  good portion of my adult life, I have learned this one the hard way.  People get sunburned even when they are not tanning.  Who could have guessed.  Save youself and your children some very uncomfortable and sleepless nights, wear sunscreen.  Learn from my mistake.

Head injuries can be life changing or life ending.  Falling from a bike can cause irreversible damage.  So no matter how hard heading you think you and your children are, wear a bike helmet when riding your bike, skateboarding or rollerblading.  Your children will resist this one but there are some things you can do to get them to wear it:  wear one yourself, start them out wearing them when they are young, and take their equipment away for a period of time if they are caught riding without a helmet.  It is that important.

After the long winter months, check all your sports equipment to make sure it is in top working order.  Air up those tires, make sure nothing is torn or broken and most important check those sporting shoes for creepy crawly things.

In the Good Old Summertime Series: Removing Ticks

As a child who lived in the mountains near woods, I was getting my share of ticks embedded in my head.  Since they usually embedded themselves under my very thick head of hair, traditional methods didn't work.  I wish that my mother had known about this method. Using the tweezer method caused me to lose several hairs that were pulled  along with the tick.  On occassion, this method leaves part of the tick still under the skin because it broke off. 

Apply a glob of liquid soap to a cotton ball. Cover the tick with the soap-soaked cotton ball and swab it for a few seconds (15-20); the tick will come out on its own and be stuck to the cotton ball when you lift it away.

Be aware that a tick with a white speck on its back is a Deer Tick, these can cause Tick Fever so check yourself and your family if you see any of these area!

An Inspirational Book By General Colin Powell

Children (and everyone) learn from failures in their life.  This is the message from Colin Powell's new book, It Worked for Me.  This book will make a wonderful and inspirational graduation book.  His thirteen rules are very motivational.  Be sure that you and your teen check them all out.  Maybe your teen will be inspired to do great things like Colin Powell did.

You Can Serve Up Healthier Meals in the Schools But Can You Get the Students to Eat Them

I, a school counselor who had lunch duty for twelve years, totally support the idea of serving a healthier lunch menu.  Who wouldn't get behind that initiative?  The students that's who.  Unless the people involved in these programs come up with some ideas about getting children to eat those healthier foods, they are destine for failure.  I venture to guess that I saw at least a ton of fresh vegetables and fruits thrown away by the students at my elementary school.  It seems to be more about the motivation of the students then the content of the meals.

Children whose families eat healthier at home are more likely to eat healthier at schools.  Obesity among children in this country is more about their junk food eating and lack of activity at home then it is about what they are served at school for lunch.

Start eating healthier as a family, make a commitment to snacking in a healthier way and get moving as a family this weekend. 

My New Favorite Snack Recipe
Small container of plain greek yogurt
2 Tablespoons of peanut butter
sliced apples or celery

Mix yogurt and peanut butter until blended.  Use as a dip for cut fruit.  Even those in my family with the largest sweet tooth loved this recipe.  You might want to keep secret the fact that it's healthy until after they try it.

Is Infant Head Lag A Sign That Your Child Is On the Autistic Spectrum?

A new study suggests that infants who show a delay in head and neck muscle control may be at risk for autism.  A baby typically is able to control neck muscles by around the age of four months.  Meaning that when being pulled from a lying to a sitting position baby's head should remain in line with torso and not flop back.  My concern is that autism is already being overdiagnosed and findings did not gaurantee a link by any means.  In fact thirty-five percent of the children who experienced this head lag at 6 months appeared to be developing normally by age 30 to 36 months.  Also delays in reaching this developmental milestone have already been associated with premature babies and in babies with cerebral palsy who are not autistic.  Of additional concern to me was the participants in this study were all in the high risk category for autism.  Each participant had an older sibling diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder.

My advice is to be observant of your baby, keep your pediatrician up-to-date on your infants milestones and they will let you know when the delays are something to worry about.  Don't worry if your baby is not keeping up with the Jones' baby, all babies develop differently. 

Is Holding Up A Humiliating Sign An Appropriate Way to DisciplineYour Child?

Is holding up a humiliating sign an appropriate way to discipline your child?  Reshonda Tate Billingsley thinks so.  When her daughter posted pictures of herself with alcohol, she had her post a follow up picture of herself holding a sign that said "Since I want to post photos of me holding liquor I am obviously not ready for social media and will be taking a haitus until I learn what I should + should not post.  BYE BYE."  I am all for disciplining children, what I am not in favor of is humiliating them in that process.  Building a trusting and respectful relationship with your teenager is an uphill battle that can be obliterated in an instant when they feel that your action has humiliated them in the eyes of their friends.

I suggest that taking away their social networking priviliges and their phone will have the same results as the picture but avoid the humiliation and the irreparabled damage to your relationship.

It Takes More Than A Sperm Donation to be a Dad

A news story out of Tennesee caught my attention yesterday.  Desmond Hatchett.  a 33 year old man who has fathered 30 children appeared in front of a judge to have his child support reduced.  He fathered children with eleven women and has children ranging from toddlers to 14 years old.  Some of these women already receive the whapping sum of $1.49 a month.  Desmond claims that he can't make ends meet after paying out all of his child support.  I would like to see him try to make ends meet each month for himself and a child on $1.49.  The term "serial father" has been used by the media with regard to Mr. Hatchett.  I think that this term with its negative connotations is appropriate as what chance do all of those children have growing up without a Dad.

It takes five minutes to become a Father, but a lifetime to be a Dad.  Think about that next time Mr. Hatchett and keep it in your pants or use birth control.

Blended Families Can Promote Jealousy Among the Children

Today a 14 year old boy was conficted and sentenced in Pennsylvania for killing his stepmother-to-be and her unborn child when he was eleven.  Jealousy toward the unborn child was identified as the motive.  Although an arguement can be made that this was very extreme behavior on the part of this boy, the point is that blending a family together has an affect on children that needs to be addressed by both parent and step parent.  Give your child all the time that they need to get to know the future step parent before taking any move towards marriage.  It is also important for the stepparent-to-be to spend time alone with each of the children in order to cement in the mind of each of the children that they will still be a very important member of the family.  

Best practice is to include children in the discussion about a new addition to the family and how that new addition will be a joining of the two families.  Tying this family together forever.  If there is a new baby on the way already, make sure that each child knows that they will always hold a place in the family.  Individual time between each child and stepparent is vital in this situation.  Both before and especially after the birth of the baby.

Attachment Parenting...Is It Another Form of Extreme Parenting?

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

These are Dr. William Sears' principles of Attachment Parenting.  He does not set any strict rules about how to do Attachment Parenting, although he does promote breastfeeding, baby wearing and co-sleeping in order to better form this attachment with baby.  Recently Time magazine did a story on this type of parenting and interviewed parents who are taking this form of parenting to the extremes.  Any form of parenting to the extremes is not good and does not do justice to this form of parenting.  Remember Tiger Mom and BFF Moms. 

My opinion on Attachment Parenting is mixed.  I believe that it is important to develop a bond with your baby.  The DSM-IV has several disorders associated with a baby not forming this attachment.  However, this bond can be formed without breastfeeding until your child is ready for school, carrying your baby around until you can't carry them anymore or allowing them to sleep in a family bed until their twelve.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for the first twelve months of life and thereafter as long as baby and mother choose to do it.  I think that breastfeeding after the time that your child is toddling around can hinder their development into a little individual.  Teeth and toddling is my personal cut offs for breastfeeding. 

The family bed or co-sleeping is a hot topic for parents.  Some cultures strongly promote the idea of the family bed and I don't want to stomp on anyone's cultural beliefs.  I, personally, am not in favor of the family bed because of the possible danger to the baby (mom or dad rolling over in their sleep onto baby) and what it does to the marital relationship.  In a time when the marital relationship is already undergoing significant change, not having this couple time may put added stress on the relationship.

Some of the ideas associated with Attachment Parenting are very sound and others are very extreme.  My recommendation to you is as always, "Parent in the in betweens, not the extremes".

A Good Mother (or Father)...Not a Perfect Mother (or Father)

 "There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” - Jill Churchill

Reknowned mystery writer, Jill Churchill, got it right with this quote.  Sometimes I think that a mother's (and sometimes a Father's) worst critic is themselves.  It is very important to realize thaat there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Even those mothers who appear to be perfect to you, aren't.  Strive every day to be a better parent but cut yourself a break when you fall short of the perfect parent that you want to be.  Like it or not you're only human and humans make mistakes.  Just pick your self up, brush yourself off and get right back up on the horse we call parenting.

My Top Ten Mother's Day Quotes...Who Do I Think I Am David Letterman

10. By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.-Anne Morrow Lindbergh 
 9. 'The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.' ~ Honore de Balzac

 8.  "There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” - Jill Churchill

 7.  Mom, when thoughts of you are in our hearts, we are never far from home. ~Author Unknown

 6.  The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Author Unknown

 5.  A Mother's Love
Your arms were always open when I needed a hug. Your heart understood when I needed a friend. Your gentle eyes were stern when I needed a lesson. Your strength and love has guided me and gave me wings to fly. - Sarah Malin

 4.  “A mother understands what a child does not say.” -Jewish proverb

 3.  Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown

 2.  Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul

 1.  “When you were small and just a touch away, I covered you with blankets against the cold night air. But now that you are tall and out of reach, I fold my hands and cover you with prayer. -Dona Maddux Cooper

A Tribute of Quotes to Mother Everywhere

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown

Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. ~T. DeWitt Talmage
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb

Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart. ~Author Unknown

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~Oprah Winfrey

A mom's hug lasts long after she lets go. ~Author Unknown

Who fed me from her gentle breast
And hushed me in her arms to rest,
And on my cheek sweet kisses prest?
My Mother.
~Ann Taylor

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother.
~Ann Taylor

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle


A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. ~Author Unknown


Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

M-O-T-H-E-R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.

- Howard Johnson

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
Peter De Vries

Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers, and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one mother in the whole world.” -Kate Douglas Wiggin

Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.- Erich Fromm, psychologist

Unusual Baby Items Available for Purchase

Some of my top picks for the most unusual, and useless baby items I have ever seen include: 
              a baby bangs headband (baby toupee)
              pee pee teepee (keeps baby from squirting you when changing diaper)
              placenta teddy bear (gross)
              plush pee and poo stuffed animals to help in potty training

Although these items seem to be a waste of money, they are harmless.  Some of the items that I have found for babies and toddlers have me concerned.  I think that the following items can actually be harmful to baby or counterproductive to good parenting:
              pacifier with bling (many have already been recalled)
              high heels for toddlers (damage women's feet, imagine what they will do to tiny little feet that
                                            are still growing)
              kid keeper safety harness leash (opportative word here is leash, seen many parents
                                            who accidentally ended up dragging their child with this one)
               electronic time out pad (has lights, whistles and a timer that may entertain your child
                                            at a time that you are trying to teach a lesson.  A chair isolated from TV and
                                            toys works great and is free.)

 Be careful to do your research before investing in the latest gadgets for your baby or toddler.  Advertisers view new parents as prime targets, as we all have fallen victim to wanting the latest and greatest for our baby.  Keep an eye out for recalls as well.  Even tried and true products have problems sometimes.

Best Gift a Grandmother Can Give to a New Mom

As mother's day approaches and my daughter begins talking about getting pregnant in about a year, I find myself looking forward to becoming a Grandmother.  After pushing the idea out of my head that being a Grandmother equates to being old, I started thinking about what gift I would most like to give to a new Grandbaby.  I thought that the greatest gift that I can give to my Grandbaby and my Daughter is the gift of time together.  Doing the grocery shopping, the cooking, the laundry and the cleaning may just be the greatest gift a New Grandmother can give.  The baby is bound to out grow any clothes, or toys that they receive but they will never out grow the bond that they build with their mother during this time.

A Poem about Family Values and Responsibility from a Teenager

Teenagers, responsibility and family values are words that don't seem to really go hand and hand but when I read this poem by my niece, Brooke, that is what came to mind.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I come from a family where...
You always say grace.
You pull your own weight.
If you ain't dirty you weren't workin.
You disrespect your momma and your gonna get hit.
... You pull your own weight.
You don't get nothing handed to you.
Sweet Tea is ALWAYS in the fridge!
You start riding fourwheelers before you could crawl.
You call everyone Aunt and Uncle.
And you wore steel toes before you could walk!

By: Brooke Tasker...My Very Wise Teenage Niece...Daughter of Carla and Cliff

Carla and Cliff, you need look no further than the words of this poem to know that you are instilling the right values in the heart of your daughter.  I think Brooke's words teach us about the important role that a parent must play in raising their child if they want them to grow into a responsible adult.  Maybe four wheeling and steel toe shoes on toddlers doesn't fit into the lifestyle of every family but I sure hope that Brooke's undelying message of family values and taking responsibility for your own actions does.

Influences that Video Games Can Have On Our Children

The debate has been going on for years as to the effects that video games have on our children, and will probably continue for many years to come.  I know that many of us allow are children to use video games as a way of keeping them entertained.  There are many great games avilable and there is no doubt in my mind that many of them improve eye hand coordination, teach children to read, spell or do mathematics, and the lastest games actually help our children to stay active.  However, I think that it is important as parents to know the types of games our children are playing.  I believe that playing violent video games can increase the amount of violent behavior that a child engages in. The level of violence and realism associated with these games can desensitize our children to violent acts. 

In addition, a case can be made for video games teaching our children the skills that they need to fire a gun.  At a conference I attended several years ago, the speaker described a shooting that took place in a convenience store.  A boy who had never fired a gun before walked into the store, his face glazed over and he shot seven people right between the eyes.  This was a feat that sharp shooters could not successfully reenact.  It was reported that the only connection that this boy had to guns was video gaming. 

The rating system for video games provides parents with some means of regulating children's gaming.  In addition, I would like to suggest you preview the games that your child wants to play.  For younger children, introducing the game by playing it with them will ensure that your views on the activities engaged in during the game will be heard.  This would be great to do with older children as well, but getting them to agree to this may be more of a headache then the benefits obtained.

Safety 101: General Toddler Safety Tips

Here are some general toddler safety tips to add to the list for the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom lists.  I realize some of them are quite obvious, but in our busy day we sometimes over look the obvious.

*Don't let your toddler walk or run around with glass objects in their hand, sharp objects in their hand or anything in their mouth

*Keep sharp objects out of their reach.  This includes objects that they can climb to get to.  Toddlers can be quite resourceful when they want to be.  Vaccum often to keep small items off the rug.

*Cover sharp corners on furniture, especially that coffee table.  Many bumps have risen on my own children's heads when they were first learning to walk.

*Scan your house for small objects that your toddler can get to.  Toddlers explore their world often times by putting things in their mouth.  Choking is a leading cause of death among toddlers.

*Block steps with an approved baby gate both at the top and bottom of the steps. This is a huge pain for the adults to climb over, but it really is important to preventing toddler injuries.

*Use plastic whenever possible.  Glass and toddlers don't mix.

*Install vent locks or a window guard on upper story windows to keep them from opening more than three and a half inches.

*Make sure TV stand is sturdy and wires are out of the reach of toddler.

*Cover outlets as I have known many toddlers who loved to stick things in the outlet.  One even stuck their tongue in it. 

*Don't run fans on the floor, toddler fingers are small enough to fit through the spokes.

*Keep purses out of reach.  They usually contain many small objects and pills.

*Keep cleaning and other products in their original containers to avoid any mix up. (This is a good one at any age)

Safety 101: Teens and Twenty Somethings Drinking to Excess

The typical activity among teens and twenty somethings on days like Cinco de Mayo and St. Patrick's Day is DRINKING.  I place drinking in all caps because on these days it seems as if many of our childrens common sense goes out the door and they party to excess to celebrate.  Many children have fallen victim to a death directly related to drinking.  It doesn't really matter whether the death is due to drunk driving or alcohol poisoning.  Dead is dead.  Make sure that your children know your feelings about drinking, and the dangers associated with drinking.  In addition, signing a contract with them where you agree to no consequence if they call you to pick them up when they or the person they are riding with have had too much to drink.  Not all parents are comfortable with letting their children off the hook for drinking, but consider this contract may just save their life.

Safety 101: Keeping Your Toddler Safe in Their Bedroom

A few simple rules to follow to keep your toddler safe in the bedroom:

*Make sure the crib mattress fits tightly in the crib.  You should not be able to fit more than two fingers between crib and mattress.  Toddler’s head could get trapped between mattress and crib rails

*If you are using an older crib make sure that the crib slats are no more than 2 3/8 inches apart (new cribs meet this requirement).  In addition make sure that there are no missing rails.

*Make sure all hardware on crib is properly installed and tightened.

*The use of bumper pads, pillows, heavy quilts, and stuffed animals is not recommended for children under the age of twelve months.  Use sleepers instead.

*Try not to place toddler’s crib by a window.  If you must place it by a window, make sure it is locked and/or secured out of the reach of tiny toddler hands as they can be quite resourceful when they want to be.

*Make sure there are no blind cords hanging down where toddler can get to them.  This is true for the crib and any room.  We wound our blind cords up very high and secured them with either an electrical tie or wrapped and tied it up well out of the reach of our children.  Several toddler’s have choked to death on these cords.

*Make sure that toddler’s closet can be opened from the inside, so that they do not become trapped.  One thing that we did was take the closet door off and allow our toddler access to the closet.  We placed their toys down low and everything that we did not want them to get to on the upper shelves.   

Empty Nester Wishing for Down Time

I find my self in a time of life where I could be termed an empty nester, but I am not feeling much like one.  I think that due to the economy, the delay in becoming parents and the increase in life expectancy many of us who are "empty nesters" are not sharing the feelings of loss and loneliness that our parents experienced when we flew the coop.
Just like you, I am finding myself playing a larger role in my adult children's lives then my parents did.  I believe that we need look no further than the bleak employment opportunities and the economy, to find a reason for this.  Balance is the key.  I think it is important to balance our children's needs and our needs at this stage of life.  Helping them to the detriment of our health and financial stability is not good for them or for us.  Try to assist them in working within their means by reducing the number of times they eat out, cutting back on cell phone cost (I have a pay as you go plan instead of paying a monthly rate) and eliminating cable and high speed internet.  Some of these cut backs will probably be met with resistance because they will think that they will be returning to the dark ages but you can assure them that there are places like the library where they can access high speed internet for free.

At the same time as we are playing a more active role in our adult children's lives, we are shouldering the responsibility for caring for our parents who are living longer with each generation.  In my case, as with many others baby boomers, we have taken jobs out of state and therefore if we can't convince our parents to move to where you live what do we do?  I find myself spending weeks at a time, several times a year, away from my home and work caring for my parents.  Hopefully, you have many siblings who you can share this responsibility with.  But the reality is that families are getting smaller.  With only one very busy brother and no sisters, I feel a need to be there for my parents and when I can't be, I feel guilty for not being there. 

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.  Here I sit longing for my time of being an empty nester.  I know be careful what you wish for.  But I have spend two weeks this past month caring for a sick parent in the hospital and tomorrow I will begin three weeks of home healthcare with my parent doing medical things that I never dreamed I would be doing.  Maybe not the best frame of mind for tackling these very serious issues that are facing our generation of Baby Boomers, but these are issues that are very much on my mind.