The Stats about Divorce and Our Children

Having counseled children whose parents had recently divorced, I believe that divorce should be a last resort rather than the "go to" when a marriage is having problems. I do not go as far as Dr. Laura who believes that unless there is abuse, you should stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. I believe that you should try counseling, and work on compromising to see if you can make things work first. I don't believe that staying in a bad marriage is any better for the children.

In today's society, we have begun to look at marriage as throw away. "When the going gets tough the tough get going" seems to be our motto in the United States in particular where the divorce rate is higher than any other place in the world. The rate has not quite reached the 50% rate that the media is reporting. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

A divorce increases children's risk for a variety of problems, though not all children who experience divorce have problems. Children of divorce are twice as likely as children living in nondivorced families to experience difficulties. Roughly 20% to 25% of these children will have problems, which means that 75% to 80% will not experience difficulties. Children of divorce are at greater risk for developing problems, but most will not have major problems.

The statistic suggest that divorce does not have to be devastating for our children. There are things that you can do as a parent to ensure your child's well being following a divorce. I will explore these ideas in detail in future blogs but want to focus in on one thing right now. Stop sharing all the details of your troubles with your former spouse with your child. This person is still your child's parent and sharing these things causes conflicting emotions in your child. Find a trusted friend or family member that you can vent your feelings to, but make sure that little ears aren't listening. If you do not have someone in your life that you feel comfortable enough to share your innermost thoughts with, then I would suggest that you seek a counselor who will assist you in making peace with your emotions about the divorce.