Video Games and Violent Behavior

Yesterday, the Supreme Court overturned California's ban on the sale of violent video games to children. I am concerned that yesterdays ruling by the Supreme Court sends the message to parents that their is nothing wrong with letting their children play these violent games. In 2005, California passed this law using studies that supported the opinion that children who played violent video games for many hours are desensitized to violence and become more aggressive. This law prevented children from going in and buying those games that were deemed too violent. The Supreme Court argued that this violated our children's first amendment rights. They also went on to state that books and T.V. shows also exhibit these violent behavior.

Several of the violent shootings of the past several decades have been directly linked to certain violent video games. One incident in particular involved a teenager who had never fired a real gun before shooting eight people, seven of them right between the eyes. How is this possible? He was addicted to a shooting video game. Whenviewing the video tape of the shooting, it was observed that his eyes glazed over as he began shooting.

Given the ruling by the Supreme Court, it is more important than ever to monitor the games that your children are playing and to ensure that they understand that it is only a game; real life has real life consequences. People don't just stand back up after being shot like they do on many video games. It is up to us, as parents, to protect our children!

Food for Thought from the Book of Virtues

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn't be surprised when kids misbehave, they get it from their storybook.

Talk about reframing my thinking about Fairytales.

A Bit of Advice for the Mother of the 7 Year Old Driver and Crystal Palin

The words of a 7 year old Michigan boy had for the policeman who pulled him over after he had driven his stepfather's car over twenty miles can be a lesson to parents everywhere about the affect divorce can have on the children. "He was crying and just kept saying he wanted to go to his dad's," Caseville Police Chief Jamie Learman told The Associated Press.

The message is clear for all parents who are having custody issues with their ex, the children are the ones who are hurt the most by your unkind words and actions. Even if your ex is the biggest loser of all time, you need to let your children come to that conclusion on their own.

Crystal Palin could really use to learn from this piece of advice after her recently released book called her child's father a "gnat". Even if every word that she wrote is the absolute truth, it is not going to do her relationship with her son any good once he is old enough to read it.

Should You Allow Your Teenager to Have Sex Under Your Roof?

A new trend is surfacing among parents of teenagers which has started many heated debates among parents everywhere. Should you allow your teen to have sex in your home? I can not provide you with an answer to this question because it will differ from child to child and house to house, but I will provide you with some relevant information that will assist you in making the best possible decision for you and your child.

Most parents who are in favor of allowing their children to have sex in their home believe that by doing this they are protecting their children from STDs, unwanted pregnancies and sexual promiscuity. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that their has been a significant drop in teenage pregnancy. It is report to be at the lowest rate in two decades, but the US still has a rate 9X as high as other developed nations as reported by the United Nations. The Center for Disease Control credits television shows that cater to teens providing information about birth control. According to the Center for Disease Control, one in four girls has an STD. Several states report that that figure is outdated and the figure is much higher. Educating your teenager about forms of birth control that both protect them from STDs and pregnancy is imperative whether you decide to let them have sex in your home or not. Do it now before it is too late.

Parents who are opposed to allowing their teenagers to have sex under their roof argue that by giving your permission, you are encouraging your children to have sex when they may not be ready to have it. Statistics suggest that women who had sex for the first time in their teens have a higher rate of divorce (31%) than those who women who waited to have sex when they reached adulthood (15%). I would also like to suggest that allowing sex to take place in your home does not eliminate your children from engaging in sex outside of the home. It is human nature to get a thrill from doing something that is not allowed.

I have a few ideas and suggestions if you do choose to allow your teens to have sex in your home. I believe that this offer should only be given to children who have reached the age of consent. If you offer this before this age, it is important that you let the parents of the other participant know about what you are proposing to do, prior to making this offer. They deserve to have their voice heard, after all it will affect their child as well. In addition, it is important to listen to what other teens are saying about this topic. Several teenage girls have spoken out against their parents allowing them to have sex in their home. They stated that often times they use the excuse that their parents would "kill" them if they had sex, when in reality it was that they were not ready to have sex. If the boys knew that their parents allowed this activity, they may apply more pressure to have sex.

From where I stand, I don't think that there is a clear cut right and wrong answer to this debate. As in all things regarding parenting, you need to consider your child's personality, values, and maturity level when making the right decision for your family.

What Do You Do If Your Sixteen Year Old Wants to Marry a 51 Year Old?

What were the parents of the sixteen year old who married actor 51 year old Doug Hutchinson thinking? Contrary to every teenager's beliefs, parents still have control over what their teenagers do. Many of us become star struck when a star shows us any interest, but we understand that this interest does not make for a lasting relationship much less a lifelong commitment in the form of marriage. Teenagers often lack the maturity to be able to see this fact, and that's why parents need to step in and put a stop to this.

Are GPS Tracking Systems Right for You and Your Teenage Driver?

Installing a GPS tracking system in your car is one way of knowing where your teenager is going and whether they are driving safely when they use the car. I am not quite sure how I feel about installing GPS tracking equipment in your car in order to keep track of your child’s driving and whereabouts. Having spent many nights worrying about my teenager's safety when they were out driving my car, I can understand the level of comfort you may get knowing where your children are going and how well they are driving. However, understand that this feeling of comfort comes at a price, and the price is a portion of the trust that you have built between you and your child.

Do you choose to tell your child about the system or not? Just knowing that the system has been installed may deter some children from engaging in unsafe activities in the vehicle or from going to places other then where they told you they were going. By not telling them, you may get a more accurate picture of what your child is doing when you are not around. It is important to understand that if you don't tell them about it and then use this information to discipline them, you will erase any trust that the two of you have built. Tough call. You know each of your children best, use this knowledge when making your decision about the installation of a GPS tracking system.

A Bucket List for Your Children?

Since returning from a trip to New York City where I checked walking across the Brooklyn Bridge off of my own Bucket List, I would like to suggest that you develop a "Bucket List" with a new twist for your children. This list would consist of experiences that you would like to give your children before they grow up. When developing this list consider including experiences from your own childhood that had an impact on you, experiences that you wish that you had had as a child, and experiences that will enhance the things that your child is interested in. Some specific things that you may include on this list are: visits to places of interest (Disney World, Washington D.C., New York City, National Parks, Grand Canyon, the U.N., battlefields or Historic Places that you live near), experiences (camping, boating, skiing, white water rafting, sky diving, scuba diving, horseback riding) or events (New Years Eve in Time Square, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Inauguration, birth of an animal, professional sporting event).

In today's economy, some of the things on your list may be out of reach but there are many experiences that you can share with your children that are right in your community and free of charge. I think that many of us don't consider the things available to us locally when planning out trips. When I was in New York City, I met a couple who had lived there all their lives and had never been to Ellis Island or the Statue of Liberty. Unbelievable. My family has been talking about going on a turtle walk at the beach thirty minutes from our house for years and we have yet to go so I have no room to talk.

Experiences help to shape the people our children will grow up to be. Making a "Bucket List" of experiences that you think that they should have before they grow up may provide you with a road map for your parenting.

Some Ideas for Improving Your Teen's Experience when They are First Learning to Drive

Here are some ideas about Improving Your teenager's first driving experience, while you maintain your sanity.
1)If your child has a winter birthday in an area that experiences ice and snow, it may be wise to allow them to get a little time behind the wheel in a parking lot before the weather turns bad to get a feel for how to handle the car.

2)Learning to parellel park using cones in a parking lot may save some dents and dinks.

3)Find out what the driving portion of the test looks like where your child will be taking their test. This may sound silly, but I personally failed my test the first time because my father did not know the driving course. I know this sounds like an excuse but it's not. He taught me to do a three point turn on a very narrow street because that is the location that requires such a maneuver. The testing facility had a very wide, short area for demonstrating this skill. I backed right out of the assigned area and failed.

4)Try to appear as calm as you possibly can while your teenager is driving. Even if they are doing something terribly wrong, yelling is not going to help the situation. It will only make them more anxious which may very well cause an accident.

If you have any other suggestions, I would love to hear about them. Your advice may just help another parent.

What Kind of Driver Will Your Child Be: The Daredevil or the Nervous Nelly?

I think children fall into one of two categories when it comes to driving: the Daredevil and the Nervous Nelly. We had one of each and they required very different teaching methods. One needs to be taught where the break is located, how to let up on the gas and be more cautious so that they don’t end up in an accident. The other needs to be taught to use a little more gas, keep their foot off the break and be less cautious so that they don’t end up in an accident. Knowing your child the way that you do, you probably already know what type of driver that your child will be. Use that information when developing a strategy on how to best teach each of your children to drive. Keep in mind that the method that worked for your oldest might not be the right method for your other children.

A Good Health Dose of Reality Before Your Teen Gets Behind the Wheel

There is an excellent reason why most Driver's Education Courses start by showing accident videos and photos, to scare your child into being a safer driver. Teenagers are notorious for believing that things will never happen to them. Being faced with pictures of other teenagers who have died or been injuried in an automobile accident, although somewhat gruesome, may go a long way in altering this belief.

Whether they saw pictures and videos in a class or not, I encourage you to talk with your teenager about the dangers of driving and view accident photos on the internet with them. This information may just pop into their head when they are driving without you and are considering engaging in some dangerous action in order to impress their friends or give in to peer pressure.

Should You Be the One to Teach Your Child to Drive?

This has been a question that parents have been asking themselves for generations. In answering this question, it is important to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself the tough questions. How patient are you when it comes to your teenager? Does your spouse have more patience than you do? Will your relationship with your child withstand you teaching them to drive?
Can you afford to pay for a few driving lessons since those first few lessons seem to be the most tense?

When our children were first learning to drive, we came to the conclusion that my husband was best suited for the task of teaching them. This seems like a funny choice since I was in education at the time, but it definitely was the right choice.

A Funny Quote about Driving and Teenagers

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. ~Dorothy Parker

Driving and Teenagers...Oil and Water

Who ever came up with the brilliant idea of putting teenagers behind the wheel of a two ton vehicle needs to have their head examined. At a time when hormones and peers are ruling the judgement of our children, we are trying to teach them to drive safely and be responsible about their new found freedom. Talk about a losing battle. I want you to consider that there are a few good things about your child learning to drive. It reduces the amount that you need to cart your children around to sports practice, friend’s houses, and school activities. This was a huge lifestyle change for me that lightened my load considerably. It also provides you with a very effective means of discipline. Hanging on to the car keys until they have done their chores or started acting more respectfully is highly effective.

Helping Your Child Choose a Career

There is no more important decision that our children make in their young adult life then “What am I going to do when I grow up?” What can we, as parents, do to help our children make this very important decision? Help your child to volunteer or tour places that are in their areas of interest. This will help them develop a better sense of what that job entails. Sometimes the reality of a job is not even close to what they are visualizing. Better for your children to find out now that a particular job is not for them, rather than after years of training for that job.

A website that I have directed many students to, careerkey.org, may provide your child with valuable information about jobs that fit their particular skill set, values and financial needs. The website provides access to the Career Key Test which is a Holland Personality Test. This test asks multiply choice questions in order to determine your child's personality type. It provides lists of jobs that fit their particular personality type. Your child then picks the jobs that interest them from this list and they are able to find out valuable information about each of these jobs. The information includes: education required, current job availability and salary, and projected job availability and salary in ten years. The cost of using this website is about $10.00, but I believe that this information is priceless in today's job market.

A Heartfelt Thanks to All Those Who Have Served Their Country

A heartfelt thanks to all the men and women who have served their country proudly in the armed forces. Be sure that your children understand the true meaning of Memorial Day. If possible have a family member who has served share their stories with your children. I feel fortunate to have been able to watch several war movies with my father this Memorial Day weekend. During the commercials, he shared his Army stories. In my Dad’s opinion the best war movie ever made was “Midway”.