Tiger Mom vs. BFF Mom

Recently, parents have been asking themselves who’s the better parent: Tiger Mom or BFF Mom. Tiger mom is the mother who is so strict that her child has to ask her permission in order to do anything. Some examples that have infuriated parents all over the world are: the incident where she had her 7 year old daughter playing the "Little White Donkey" tune on the piano for hours without any breaks until she played it perfectly, or when she called her older daughter "garbage" after the girl behaved disrespectfully. BFF Mom is so busy trying to be friends with her child that she sets no boundaries and provides no discipline because her child can do no wrong. I know of one parent who went so far as to throw a party for her early teenage children as long as they agreed to let her party with them. She bragged about how her children and their friends really liked partying with her. Even though there are not many parents who go to these extremes, there are many parents who fall very close to either side. Tiger Mom is not a new phenomenon, we used to refer to these types of parents as “Drill Sergeants”. Research suggests that children who grew up with a Tiger Mom or Dad tended to be very rebellious in their teens and early twenties. Taking their new found freedom to the extreme and engaging in some pretty dangerous behaviors. The research paints a similar picture for the children who grew up with a BFF Mom or Dad. They to engage in some pretty dangerous behavior but they typically go through this rebellious stage in their early teens. It has been suggested that these children are pushing the envelope in order to get their parents to set some boundaries.

I would like to suggest that parents should take a more moderate approach to parenting by setting boundaries for your child, providing consequences when they step over those boundaries but not making all their decisions for them. I believe that allowing them to make some decisions on their own, shows them that you have confidence in their ability to make decisions and boosts their confidence in themselves. Following this more middle of the road parenting style will not eliminate the rebellious stage but it may go a long way toward curbing it.