Sending Your Child Off to College: Final Thoughts

As the day approaches, here are a few tips to help you and your child have a successful college experience.  First and foremost, there is never a time for you to go to your child's classroom.  Your child is an adult and you need to encourage them to fight their own battles if they are having a difficult time with their professor.  This includes them having control over their grades and their attendance.  I am not saying that you should not provide your child with your input on these topics, just that it is their responsibility to take action.

The remainder of the tips are to share with your child. 
*Encourage them to arrive early, especially if they are parking.  Parking seems to be a problem at  
    most campuses. 
*Encourage your child to schedule their classes with their sleep pattern in mind.  Night owls may not
    want to schedule an 8:00 a.m. class.  I learned this one first hand.  Let's just say I missed a lot of
    my 8:00 a.m. class and didn't do well.

*Encourage your child to develop a schedule which includes all the activities that they will be
     participating in each week.  They should include classes, studying, practices/games if they are
     participating in a sport, and down time because like it or not enjoying a social life is a part of
     college life too.

*Encourage your child to find on campus help if they are struggling in a class.  Talk to them about
     doing this sooner rather than later because it is easier to dig your way out of a little hole than a
     bigger one.  Most colleges have tutoring centers, teaching assistance or study groups set up for just
     this purpose.

Time Management: Step 3 The Final Step

Now that your child has developed their "To Do" List and balanced their Time Budget, it is time to put their schedule down on paper. If you find that your child is resistant to completing this step, use an example from your own life when you forgot to do something important because you hadn't written it down.  This example will be much more effective if it involved them.  Maybe a time that you forgot to pick them up. 

The format is not important.  It could be as complicated as a detailed outline or calendar that many computers or phones have, or as simple as a list of activities needing done during the day.  If you go with the list, you might also use a calendar to list those things that you deadlines or activities that are scheduled for a later date.

Some Things to Consider When Developing a Visitation Schedule that Works for Your Family

There are a number of things that you must taken into consideration when developing a visitation plan. First and most importantly, you must consider whether there is a risk for abuse from your ex. If there is a risk of child abuse, the court can mandate either no visitation or supervised visitation. If the abuse is directed at you, the alternative may be to complete the child exchange in a public place or by a third party. If abuse is involved, I encourage you to seek assistance from the legal system when developing your visitation plan. In this case it is good to have it in writing.

Other things to consider when developing your visitation plan are: the activity schedule for you and your children, and parent's job constraints including hours worked and travel. If at all possible, schedule some time every once in a while when you all do something as a family, just to let your children know that you can still get together without all hell breaking loose. This will go a long way in preventing the children from playing you against each other to get what they want.

If you are having difficulty with either developing a visitation plan or one parent is not following through with the plan, there is some great software available to help out with this task. It allows you to develop the plan by inputting all of your information and provides you with several options to choose from for your family. You can also print a schedule for all parties. I believe that this can eliminate any confusion about whose day it is to have the children. Many times, I have sat wiping children's tears away when parents had gotten confused about whose turn it was to pick up the children. I believe that if these programs can prevent those tears from falling, they are well worth the money. Custodyxchange (which has an online component and a portion of it is a free download), Kidmate and
Custody Toolbox 2 by five o’clock software seem to all have good reviews.

A last thought about visitation. As the children get older, it is important to revisit your visitation schedule. Teenagers are busy developing their independance through activities and friends. They want to spend less time with their parents whether their parents are divorced or not. Try not to take this personally because it is a natural part of their development toward adulthood. Forcing them to maintain the visitation schedule that worked when they were young children may meet with much resistance.