Talking to Your Children about Coronavirus

The world is changing day by day due to the coronavirus. Schools and businesses are closing for an undetermined period of time. Anxiety and fear in adults is increasing as this threat moves closer and closer to home. How is this effecting our young children and teens? What should we tell our children about this virus and it's effect on our society?

First and foremost, check your level of fear and anxiety. Children and the people around you will feed off your fear. Are you taking all the precautions that the government has suggested? If you are, be somewhat comforted by the fact that you are doing all that you can do to keep yourself and your family safe. If you aren't, begin today.

Talk to your children about the virus in terms that are age appropriate. Younger children can understand about spreading nasty germs. They can be taught that handwashing, elbow bumps instead of hugs and handshakes, and distancing themselves from older family members will help prevent the spread of these nasty germs. I recommend viewing the news with your tweens and teens so you can answer their questions and alleviate their fears about this pandemic and help them to understand the things that they can do to help be part of the solution.

I am a grandparent of two young grandchildren. Due to my asthma, my husband and I are self isolating. We continue to interact with our grandchildren in several ways.  They play games and blow bubbles in our backyard while we watch from inside. We blow kisses and play hand games on the window between us. I am happy to say there are lots of finger prints on our glass door. We are also reading books and playing games via facetime or skype. We are also writing letters and drawing pictures for each other and leaving them in a toy mailbox.

If you have other ideas about staying connected, I would love to hear about them as it looks like we may be in this for the long haul.

Sending Your Child Off to College: Final Thoughts

As the day approaches, here are a few tips to help you and your child have a successful college experience.  First and foremost, there is never a time for you to go to your child's classroom.  Your child is an adult and you need to encourage them to fight their own battles if they are having a difficult time with their professor.  This includes them having control over their grades and their attendance.  I am not saying that you should not provide your child with your input on these topics, just that it is their responsibility to take action.

The remainder of the tips are to share with your child. 
*Encourage them to arrive early, especially if they are parking.  Parking seems to be a problem at  
    most campuses. 
*Encourage your child to schedule their classes with their sleep pattern in mind.  Night owls may not
    want to schedule an 8:00 a.m. class.  I learned this one first hand.  Let's just say I missed a lot of
    my 8:00 a.m. class and didn't do well.

*Encourage your child to develop a schedule which includes all the activities that they will be
     participating in each week.  They should include classes, studying, practices/games if they are
     participating in a sport, and down time because like it or not enjoying a social life is a part of
     college life too.

*Encourage your child to find on campus help if they are struggling in a class.  Talk to them about
     doing this sooner rather than later because it is easier to dig your way out of a little hole than a
     bigger one.  Most colleges have tutoring centers, teaching assistance or study groups set up for just
     this purpose.

Sending a Child Off to College: Part 1

What is not a good reason for selecting a college?  Your child's friends are all going there, you went there, you want them to go there, it's close (or far) from home, it is prestigious or it's a great party school are all bad reasons for your child to choose a college that they will be attending for four years.
What is a good reason for selecting a college?  Start by sitting down with your child and explore their needs, expectations, stregnths and weaknesses in order to determine what type of college is best for them.  Consider the size of the school that will work best for your child.  Some children thrive at a large college where they have lots of choices and other children thrive with the smaller class sizes indicative of a smaller college.  Help your child determine what works best for them.  Remember Ivy League schools meet very few children's needs and graduation from those schools does not guarantee success. 

Visit a college's website, talk to alumni and current students at the various colleges being considered.  Visit several campuses.  Take time to eat a meal in the dining hall, visit the dorm rooms if your child will be staying on campus, note the parking situation if they will be commuting, sit in on a few classes in order to get a sense of student/professor interaction, and observe the student population in various locations around campus. 

Don't be concerned if your child has not picked out a major.  It isn't necessary to pick out a major before choosing a college.  The majority of students change their major several times throughout their college career anyway.   Just be sure to pick a college that has several majors that meets your child's needs and interests.

Don't allow your child to put all their eggs in one basket.  Have them apply to several schools, even if they have their heart set on one school in particular.  This eliminates the heartbreak of having to wait out a semester, if they don't get into the college of their dreams.  Remind your child that many students start out at a community college for the smaller class size or another college altogether while waiting to be accepted by their college of choice.

"It's Just A Stage Their Going Through"

Every time I hear a parent say that “it’s just a stage that my child is going through”, I want to stop and tell them just how right they are.  Children and adults are constantly going through stages.  Our entire life is one developmental stage after another.  When parents come to except this as a fact, and gear their parenting toward the stage that their child finds themselves in, they will find more success in their parenting.

Tori Spelling Sounds Off about Parenting

I thought that once we were out of the baby stage, parenting would be a breeze.  Tori Spelling

I think that if new or potential parents thought differently than this, they may choice not to take on the greatest and most rewarding job in the world.  Parenting is not easy, and if anyone tells you differently they are not doing it right or lying, but there is nothing more rewarding.

Adult Children Need Parenting Too!

That's right I said it.  Adult children need parenting too.  Whether it is parenting about relationship, money or one of a dozen other topics, they still occassionally need parenting.  It isn't the parenting that changes when your children become adults, it is the delivery of the parenting.  Things that need to change:  tone of voice, relying on natural consequences to steer adult children and your reaction when they don't take your advice.   It needs to take on the appearance of advice giving.  Be there when they ask for advice and occasionally when they don't.  Fight the urge to intervene all the time because they will just ignore your advice all the time if you do that.  Save your parenting for those times that they really need it.

Parenting doesn't stop once your child reaches adulthood, it just changes and your role in parenting needs to change to keep up.

A Poem about Family Values and Responsibility from a Teenager

Teenagers, responsibility and family values are words that don't seem to really go hand and hand but when I read this poem by my niece, Brooke, that is what came to mind.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I come from a family where...
You always say grace.
You pull your own weight.
If you ain't dirty you weren't workin.
You disrespect your momma and your gonna get hit.
... You pull your own weight.
You don't get nothing handed to you.
Sweet Tea is ALWAYS in the fridge!
You start riding fourwheelers before you could crawl.
You call everyone Aunt and Uncle.
And you wore steel toes before you could walk!

By: Brooke Tasker...My Very Wise Teenage Niece...Daughter of Carla and Cliff

Carla and Cliff, you need look no further than the words of this poem to know that you are instilling the right values in the heart of your daughter.  I think Brooke's words teach us about the important role that a parent must play in raising their child if they want them to grow into a responsible adult.  Maybe four wheeling and steel toe shoes on toddlers doesn't fit into the lifestyle of every family but I sure hope that Brooke's undelying message of family values and taking responsibility for your own actions does.

Letting Your Children Play Hooky From Their Life

I just got home from a very stressful time taking care of my mother in the hospital.  I have been so stressed out, that I have allowed myself to play hooky for the better part of the day.  Every once in a while it is a good idea to take a break from your hectic life and just take a day for yourself.  This can be a day without children or a day with them if you think they are feeling stressed out by their hectic life.  Maybe you need to take one of each kind.

Consider this as a sick day from work and school.  Mental health can require a sick day just as much as the flu .  There is much research to support that stress can make you physically sick, so as a counselor I am suggesting to you that you and your children may need to take a mental health day every once in a while.  I know that I will be much more productive tomorrow, having taken one today.

Parents Gone Wild: Parents Who Let Their Young Children Drive When They are Drunk

A recent trend is emerging in the parenting world that has me very concerned, parents letting their young children drive them home because they don't want to risk getting a DUI by driving drunk.  I think this is clearly a case of "Parents Gone Wild", a new series that I will be visiting from time to time when I come across a story of a parent doing just that.  There is a saying that says something about not having enough time in your life to make all the mistakes there are to make so you better learn from the mistakes of other. 

These parents suggest that the only two options that they had were to drive drunk or let their underage child drive home.  Many justify letting their child drive by saying thaat they have driven in the driveway.  To imply that moving the car around in the driveway qualifies you to drive on the road is like saying since your baby has waded around in the baby pool, they are ready to swim in the deep end.  There are a number of options that a parent has if they find themselves in this situation.  Get a cab, catch a bus, phone a friend or family member, walk. 

Here is another novel idea for you don't get drunk when you are with your child.  Think about the example you are setting for them.  Be a good role model and curb your drinking when you are with them.

Words of Wisdom about Disciplining Your Children

You can’t discipline kids and not love them, and you can’t love them and not discipline them.  The two must go hand and hand.-Ron Clark, excerpt from The Essential 55

Time Management: Step 2

Step 2 to teaching your child to manage theirr time is "balancing the time budget".  Just like money, time needs to be balanced.  There are twenty-four hours in a day, never any more.  Your child will need to learn how to balnce there day in order to fit in all the things they want to do.  Their budget will cover the entire twenty-four hours because they have included the necessities of life (sleep, eating and cleanliness) on their list of things to do.

Begin by having your child assign times for each of the things on the list that they developed in step 1.  They may need to do this for each of the days of the week, as their activities may not always be the same.  Add up the amount of time needed to do all the things listed.  If the amount of time required comes in under 24 hours, they're done.  If the time comes in over twenty-four hours, they will need to revisit their list and cut back on or eliminate certain activities in order to fit the twenty-four hour time allotment.  Many children will try to cut back on sleep, but this is not a good idea as someone who is sleep deprived is less efficient and will take more time to do things.  This may be a good lesson for adults to learn as well.

Time Management: Step 1

Help your child to develop a list of their "Have to Do's", "Want to Do's" and the "Things I Need to Do to Get Me Where I Want to Be in the Future" (goals).  Make sure that they include sleeping, eating and personal hygiene on their "Have to Do's" list.

Unplug Today and Reconnect for a Lifetime

"Unplug for a day and reconnect with your children for a lifetime!" This would make an excellent catch phrase for parents today. As parents, we are constantly connected into the world through our cell phones, and computers. Whereever we go, we go connected to the rest of the world. We are distracted by it all from something that requires our undivided attention, our children. I suggest that you take one day a month and disconnect from all that is electronic and spend the day reconnecting with your children. This means no cell phones, no computers, no TV, no iPods. Leave it all behind and reconnect with your children in a way that you may not have in years. Play games, take a walk, have a picnic, take a bike ride, or do whatever your family finds fun.

The world will not fall apart if you are not connected to it for 24 hours, but your family just might fall apart if you don't disconnect every so often. So consider unplugging this weekend. If you noticed there were no blog postings this past weekend. I took my own advice and unplugged for a long weekend. I find myself energized, my mood uplifted and feeling very close to my family after this past weekend. I wish the same experience for you this coming weekend.

Note: Teenagers may be resistant to this idea, but it is important for their wellbeing that they disconnect at times as well.

Parents Here are Some Words to Use With Those Critical People in Your Life

Dirty dishes prove we feed our family, full trash can means we clean up after their messes, messy floors mean we let our children have fun, pile of unfolded laundry means we keep our family in clean clothes, wet bathroom means we bathe our kids! So the next time you walk into our house and see a "mess" think twice before you judge. If you come over to see us, come on in...if your coming over to see our house please make an appointment.

***Share this with someone in your life who thinks that it is more important to keep your house perfect than to spend time with your children and let's you know it through their words or actions.

The Importance of You, Me and Us Time for Parents

It is imperative to good parenting that you. as a parent, remembers to take time for yourself and for your relationship if you are lucky enough to be part of a parenting team. It is important that both parents get some individual "me" time, as well as "us" time to grow your relationship. You will be a much better parent if you are relaxed and feeling good about yourself. Finding the right balance of time for each of these things and still being there for your children can be tricky to maneuver in our hectic day to day lives. This can be particularily challenging for the single parent family. If you are a single parent, find another single parent who has children of similar ages to yours and take turns watching each others children so that you each have the opportunity for that all important "me" time.

Keep in mind how important down time is to your well being annd the quality of care that you are able to give your children. Don't just let this time slip away because you are too busy. Take the time, it is that important.

Unique Way to Help Your Child Deal with their Anger

Here is an unique idea when it comes to teaching your children about dealing with their anger if the traditional methods of breathing and counting are not working for your child. Writer/director Andrea Blaugrund Hevins. Have child press their palms together hard in order to "lasso" the wild feelings before they go on the rampage.

Look to previous postings on this topic for additional ideas.

Keeping Your Children Safe This Halloween

Here are some tips for keeping your children safe while they are out trick or treating this Halloween from the Center for Disease Control. I was surprised that my own personal tip did not make their list. I have always sent each of my children out trick or treating with a ziplock bag of their favorite treats in their trick or treat bag. This way they can have candy along the way that I have already checked to make sure it is safe. When they were older, they were not embarrased about this because their friends just thought they were eating from the candy they had been collecting.


S...Swords, knives, and accessories should be short, soft, and flexible.
A...Avoid trick-or-treating alone. Walk in groups or with a trusted adult.
F...Fasten reflective tape to costumes and bags
E...Examine all treats for choking hazards and tampering before
eating them. Limit the amount of treats you eat.

H...Hold a flashlight to help you see and others see you.
A...Always test make-up in a small area first. Remove it before
bedtime to prevent skin and eye irritation.
L...Look both ways before crossing the street. Use established
crosswalks wherever possible.
L...Lower your risk for serious eye injury by not wearing decorative
contact lenses.
O...Only walk on sidewalks or on the far edge of the road facing
traffic to stay safe.
W...Wear well-fitting masks, costumes, and shoes to avoid blocked
vision, trips, and falls.
E...Eat only factory-wrapped treats. Avoid eating homemade treats
unless you know the cook well.
E...Enter homes only if you're with a trusted adult. Otherwise, stay
outside.
N...Never walk near lit candles or luminaries. Be sure to wear flame-resistant costumes.

Wishing you a fun filled, safe Halloween!

Parenting Studies...Should You Take the Findings Seriously?

Two parenting related studies published last week have caught the attention of parents everywhere. One suggests that watching cartoons or fast paced shows can have an adverse effect on your child's attention span and impulsive nature. The second found that fathers who spend more time with their children had lower testosterone levels then childless men or father who did not spend time with their children.

The first study found that four year olds who watched fast paced, scene changing cartoons for 9 1/2 minutes had shorter attention spans and were more impulsive than those who engaged in other activities. It is important to note that the effects were not long lasting and they had a rather small sample population of 60. Valid or not, there is evidence in several other studies to support the idea that watching T.V. or playing games that are fast paced does have an adverse effect on a child's attention span. This theory can be seen in the dramatic increase in ADD and ADHD in are always connected, fast paced society. Consider turning off the T.V. and video games and play a good, old fashioned board game.

I am concerned that some men are going to look at the results of the second study and decide that they need to spend less time with their children in order to preserve their manhood. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Women are much more interested in men who are comfortable enough with themselves and their masculinity to be able to display a softer side when it comes to children.

When looking at the results of studies, it is important to consider whether the results are valid. How large was the population that they studied? Was it representative of the general population? But most importantly is the knowledge that data can be manipulated to prove anything. Don't change your behavior just because a study suggests that you should, change your behavior because it makes sense for your family.

Who Says that Animals Don't Have Feelings Like Humans Do?

Whoever says that animals don't have feelings like humans do, hasn't seen the video entitled "Urlesque: Baby Elephant Really Annoys Its Mom". I don't think that there is a mom out there who hasn't experienced the same feelings that this mother elephant was having when her baby was trying to crawl all over her when she was trying to get just five minutes of alone time.

To avoid the same outcome that this mother elephant experienced, plan down times into each and every day. You will be a better mom for having taken that time for yourself whether your baby is three days old or ten years old. So be careful not to spend all your down time, cleaning house or making a gourmet dinner. In the future what do you want to be remembered for: being a wonderful housekeeper, an amazing chef or the number one mom in your child's eyes?

How Do You Keep Mothering with Broken Bones and Severe Pain?

I am faced with the dilemma of figuring out a way to continue posting and writing my book with the use of just one hand. After 15 hours in the hospital and many x-rays, I was sent home with a splint and sling around my dominent arm. In ten days, I will hopefully be exchanging it for a fiberglass cast because the alternative is surgery. It just must be said that breaking your funny bone in two, not so funny. I can't pull down my pants or wear any top that isn't a halter. Fortunately, my children are grown but I am not sure what I would do if they were little. I guess I would do exactly what I am doing and that is lean on my friends and family to help me out. It really is true that you come to know who your true friends are during your times of trouble. I have been blessed with some terrific friends and family. I hope that you don't need to break something to realize how blessed you are with friends and family. Let them know now how much you value them.