Teaching Your Child a Powerful Lesson about Bullying

Thanks Gretchen for this awesome activity!

Schools Can't Prevent Bullying...If They Could They Would Have Done So Long Ago

School administrators can set up harsh disciplinary actions for bullying, but sad to say that does not effectively eliminate the bullying problems in the school.  Bullying is definitely a bigger problem in schools than anywhere else.  I think this is merely because of the high number of children congregating there, not because the school is doing something wrong.  Wherever there is a high concentration of people, there will be bullying. 

Bullies may respond for a short time to disciplinary action but the most effect way of eliminating the bullying problem is by changing the behavior of the victims and bystanders.  If you find that your child is the victim of a bully, teach them some of the techniques that I have written about in previous posts.  Make sure that you also educated them on what to do if they are a bystander because more than likely if the bully doesn't get the reaction that they are longing for from your child they will probably start picking on someone nearby.

The cold hard truth about bullying is that a bully's behavior will only change if the bystanders and the victims change their reaction.

Bullies Will Not Change Their Behavior Just Because They are Disciplined by the School

If you are looking to the school to take care of your child's bullying problem, you are looking in the wrong place.  I say this as someone who has developed bully prevention programs in several schools and been involved many times in the disciplinary action of bullies.  Disciplining the bully doesn't stop the bullying!!  Bullies bully because they get something out of it, and as long as they continue to be reinforced to bully, they will bully.  This is human nature 101.  If a behavior is being reinforced it will be repeated.  So the key to stopping bullying doesn't lie with the school disciplining the bully, but the victim and the bystanders changing their reaction to the bullying. 

Start by helping your child understand that the goal of the bully is to obtain a reaction and wield power over their victim and the bystanders.  Check out the series that I did on Bully Prevention for ways to empower your child if they are being bullied.

In closing, I want to say that the people who have the biggest impact on the bully's behavior are not the victim or the schools, they are the bystanders.  Teach your child what to do if they find themselves witnessing someone being bullying.  If they don't want to get involved, remind them that they may be the bully's victim tomorrow.  What can the bystander do:  Speak Up, Speak To, Speak Out.  For more information about what to teach your child about being a bystander, visit my series on bully prevention.

Maggie Goes on a Diet...A Few More Thoughts

As someone who has been teaching children about bully prevention, I am concerned over the fact that the book, Maggie Goes on a Diet, sends the message to children that people who are skinny don't get bullied and that they make friends easier than their heavier counterparts. I think that it is important to let your children know that this is not true. Heavy or skinny, some children just make friends easily. It's part of their make-up and has nothing to do with their weight. All children fall victim to being bullied at some time in their life. It is important to teach your child some techniques to better deal with bullying behavior, and losing weight isn't one of them. Check out the series that I did on bully prevention to obtain some ideas on helping your child with this problem.

If this book does make it to the bookstores or e-reader list, I hope you will think twice about getting it for your child.

Preparing Your Child to Survive a School Shooting

None of us want to consider the possibility that our child may be at a school where there is a shooting but the reality is that all our children are at risk. There are weekly incidences involving guns in the school, in fact it has become so common place that the news doesn’t even report it anymore. In a survey conducted in 2008, that 100,000 students in the United States report bringing a gun to school daily.

There does not appear to be a profile that encompasses all of the shooters to assist our children in identifying a potential shooter. It is likely that they have been bullied and that they like violent video games, movies and television shows. That describes 95% of all teenagers, so that provides no help. Help your child to understand that they should trust in their gut instinct about someone. The signs are there prior to the incident. In 93% of the shootings, students indicated that the shooters had been exhibiting behaviors that they found concerning. Early identification may assist the shooter in getting the help that they need and prevent a tragedy. In addition, make sure that they know what to do if they see someone with a weapon. They should get away from the person and report it to a school staff member immediately.

Here are some ideas from a book entitled Surviving a School Shooting: A Plan of Action for Parents, Teachers and Students by Loren W. Christensen that might just save your child’s life.
*First and foremost, teach them to flee if they have can and run as fast as they can. If they can’t go out the door, try the window. If there is no exit, barricade the door with filing cabinets or book cases.
*Encourage your child to do some pre-planning by taking a look around all the areas that they are in throughout their school day for exits, hiding places and things that they may be able to use as weapons to defend themselves against a shooter. Remember even a stapler can be a weapon.
*Help them to learn and practice breathing techniques, like Diaphragmatic breathing to use when they find themselves in any crisis situation.

For additional ideas about what you can teach your child to do in this type of situation, read this book or one similar to it. The one hesitation that I have about the information in this book is that it goes into some detail about how to teach your child to fight back. I am not sure that I would encourage my child to fight back, and I think that you should take some time to think about what you would want your child to do in this situation. I recommend that if you are going to encourage your child to fight back when facing a shooter, get them some formal training. Many martial arts schools offer this type of self-defense training.

Bullying-Anger Management Podcast

In the latest episode of Parent Sharing we move away from the direct bullying information and discuss anger management, and the ways that that may help in dealing with a bully. The information discussed in this podcast can be used in your everyday life, and not just in bully situations. Check it out on iTunes or in the player to the right. E-mail us at ParentSharing@aol.com

Great Bully Prevention Website

I have found the following website to be very informative and user friendly for both adults and children alike. This website includes advice on bullying for parents, information about cybersafety and activities for children of all ages. The website is: stopbullyingnow.hrsa.org.