Thursday, July 15, 2010

Finding the Right Consequence

When assigning a consequence for a misbehavior, I believe that it is important for a parent to make sure that the consequence has a relationship to the misbehavior if possible. It is better that a consequence teaches the desired lesson, then just be punitive in nature. Two types of consequences that you may consider when determining a punishment for a particular behavior are: logical consequences and natural consequences.
Natural consequences occur naturally when your child engages in a particular behavior. These are very effective if they occur immediately following an action, and may not require any intervening on your part to eliminate the behavior. An example of a natural consequence may be getting a burn when touching a hot stove. Any parent who has teenagers knows that telling your teen that they can't be friends or date someone usually just serves to strain the relationship between the two of you and encourage them to sneak around to be with that person. It may be much more effective, if it is not someone who is dangerous to be around, to allow your child to find out on there own that this is a person that they do not want to associate with. Getting your approval to go out with this person may take away all the intrigue and excitement that your child perceives about this person.
Logical consequences are consequences that you assign to your child when they have engaged in a misbehavior. They are logical in that they "fit the crime" to assist the child in learning from their misbehavior. An example may be not allowing your child to have dessert if they have not eaten their dinner or not letting your teenager use the computer for a week because you caught them on a website that you do not allow them to go to.
When disciplining your child, remembering two things will go a long way to improving your child's behavior: that you need to always be consistent and consequences work best when relate to the unwanted behavior.

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