The Meat and Potatoes of Disipline

"It is not the severity of the consequence, it is the certainty of it." Heard this quote at a workshop and thought that it really summed up the most important points about discipline. If anyone knows where this quote came from please let me know, because I would love to give credit where credit is due.

The first part of this quote reminds us that discipline does not have to be severe. I hope we are past the time where we adhere to the concept of spare the rod, spoil the child. Spanking a child to the point of them not being able to sit down without pain or leaving marks is first and foremost against the law. Secondly, these children not only grow up to do the same to their children, but are more likely to engage in violent behaviors as they are growing up. Having said that, I am not opposed to occasionally giving a child a little spank on the bottom.

The second part of this quote contains what I believe to be the key to making discipline work for you as the parent. If a child believes that one time in ten they are going to get away with a behavior, they are more likely to engage in this behavior, hoping that it is the one time that they will not get into trouble. For some reason, it doesn't seem to register in a child's mind that those are not very good odds. It is imperative, given this information, that you be consistent with your discipline 100% of the time.

When choosing consequences for misbehavior, it is most important to consider the child. When my son was little a tiny little pat on the bottom, worked wonderfully. However when it came to my daughter, this was not the case. One time I found myself spanking her again and again as she shouted out that that didn't hurt. After three smacks on the bottom and a hand that was starting to sting a little, I came to the revelation that spanking was not going to work with her. I placed her in a time out chair that was located in the entry to our house and went to set the timer in the kitchen for four minutes (she was four at the time). Before I could get to the timer, she was out of the chair. I placed her back in the chair, and went to set the timer again. After going through his song and dance about seven or eight times, she finally realized that I was not letting her off the hook and she stayed in the chair for the entire four minutes which according to her was forever. The next time that I placed her in time out, it only took four times of putting her back in the chair. Important to note when using time out, you should choose a location where there is not a lot of activity going on around the child, and there is nothing for them to play with that is close at hand. Note that their bedroom is probably not a good location because there are toys and books for them to occupy themselves with.