Disciplining Your Children in a Divorce: Two Houses and Still Consistant

In a perfect world, your two houses would have the same rules and consequences for your children but that may be difficult since you can not control someone else's behavior. It is usually the parent who is not the custodial parent who is hesitant to set down rules. I don't think that the main reason they are doing this to get even with you, but because they don't want to be the bad guy in the little time they have with the children. Let's face it we all like to be liked, especially by our children. It is important to remember that parenting is not a popularity contest and that children need to have boundaries set for them. Consider that the other parent is missing out on some big milestones in the lives of their children and maybe you will be able to develop some empathy with regard to the position that they are in. These are some "whys" for the disipline being different at the two houses, but it is important for both of you to understand that it would be much better for the development of your children if the discipline was consistent. I encourage you to sit down with your ex and develop some ground rules for your children that both of you can live with. This would be a good time to express your empathy toward the situation that your ex finds themself in. By starting this conversation with empathy, instead of finger pointing, may just open the lines of communication enough to make some good parenting decisions together.

Children tend to take advantage of the situation when parents do not consistently discipline. They are much more likely to act up if they think they can get away with it even one time in ten. They also are very adept at playing parents against each other in a divorce. I suggest that you try to keeping the lines of communication between you and your ex wide open. Don't just assume that what your child is telling you is the absolute truth. Teenagers are especially good at pushing their parent's buttons about their ex. Open lines of communication, even if they are strained will prevent a lot of problems down the road with your children.