Bringing a new baby into the home can be a stressful time for any child. We all have trouble dealing with change. Placing yourself in your child’s shoes can be helpful in better understanding where your child is coming from. Children, as I talked about in a previous post, are attention seeking and when a new baby comes into the picture they usually receive the lion’s share of the attention. It is not hard to believe that your older child would start engaging in bad behaviors to gain your attention. This is an area of parenting where a little prior groundwork and well placed attention to the older child or children may prevent a lot of headaches down the road. Here are some ideas that I have either used or collected from other parents to ease this transition. Keep in mind that these activities will not eliminate all the acting out, nothing will because we all go kicking and screaming when change is involved. You can not change human nature, but you can influence it.
1) Let your child assist you in some of the preparations for the baby. I took my son shopping with me when I was picking out things for the nursery. When I did this with my son before the birth of my daughter, he chose a diaper that had his favorite character on it. He was very excited about sharing stories about this character with the baby every time that I changed her. Granted she was the only female baby on the block to have He-Man on her bottom and we got a lot of “what a cute little boy”, but what this did to ease my son’s transition to having a new family member was PRICELESS.
2) Have them purchase or make a Birthday gift or card for the new baby. This also helps them to gain understanding of what a birthday is commemorating.
3) There may be sibling classes offered in some areas to assist the big brother or sister through this transition.
4) Include your child in the milestones of the pregnancy. I had a copy of the ultra sound picture made for my son to keep. He took this picture to his pre-school show and tell, and proudly displayed it on his bedroom mirror for all of his friends to see. I told him about his story. Using pictures, we talked about when I was pregnant with him and what it was like when I brought him home from the hospital. In addition, I let him put his hand on my belly and feel the baby kick. Before he went to bed, he liked to put his hand on my belly and sing the baby a lullaby. By the time the baby was born, he was very connected to her.
5) Give big brother/big sister a disposable camera to take pictures when they meet baby.
6) Make a recording of your child’s favorite books so that they can listen to it while you are in the hospital having the baby.
7) Ask your closest family members and friends who will be visiting the new baby to remember big brother/big sister with something small when they bring a gift for the new baby. Some suggestions are: bubbles, play dough, a book, or a game. It does not have to be something expensive, but it should be something that the child would see as being fun.
8) If at all possible make special mommy and me time for your older child. I know this is asking a lot since it must seem that your life is spinning out of control and sleep is a distant memory, but this will go a long way in reduce the jealousy of the older sibling.
I hope that one or more of these ideas helps you through this transition period. A little pre-birth planning and some individual attention to the older sibling after the birth, should help.
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