Most children whose families are going through a divorce feel some level of anxiety, anger and depression. Knowing when this is just a normal response on the part of your child or when you need to seek some outside help may make all the difference. Duration and intensity of the emotions are both important things for you to consider. If after a few months these emotions have not begun to lessen, it may be time to seek some professional help. Do not become alarmed if your child's emotions are intensifying because it may be due to other factors in their life like puberty. Better safe than sorry has always been my motto with regard to my own children, and I don't know anyone who wouldn't benefit from talking to an unbiased individual about what is bothering them.
Some specific things that you can be watching for that suggest that your child needs some professional help to deal with the changes that the divorce is making to their lives: talk of suicide, change in sleeping pattern, getting in to trouble at school, dropping grades, alcohol or drug use, withdrawal from loved ones or loved activities, violent outbursts, or self-injurious behaviors like cutting or thrill seeking.
It is important to remember that seeking some outside help for your child does not mean that you have failed as a parent, quite the opposite. A good parent provides their child with the things that they need to maintain a healthy, happy life.
Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Stats about Divorce and Our Children
Having counseled children whose parents had recently divorced, I believe that divorce should be a last resort rather than the "go to" when a marriage is having problems. I do not go as far as Dr. Laura who believes that unless there is abuse, you should stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. I believe that you should try counseling, and work on compromising to see if you can make things work first. I don't believe that staying in a bad marriage is any better for the children.
In today's society, we have begun to look at marriage as throw away. "When the going gets tough the tough get going" seems to be our motto in the United States in particular where the divorce rate is higher than any other place in the world. The rate has not quite reached the 50% rate that the media is reporting. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.
A divorce increases children's risk for a variety of problems, though not all children who experience divorce have problems. Children of divorce are twice as likely as children living in nondivorced families to experience difficulties. Roughly 20% to 25% of these children will have problems, which means that 75% to 80% will not experience difficulties. Children of divorce are at greater risk for developing problems, but most will not have major problems.
The statistic suggest that divorce does not have to be devastating for our children. There are things that you can do as a parent to ensure your child's well being following a divorce. I will explore these ideas in detail in future blogs but want to focus in on one thing right now. Stop sharing all the details of your troubles with your former spouse with your child. This person is still your child's parent and sharing these things causes conflicting emotions in your child. Find a trusted friend or family member that you can vent your feelings to, but make sure that little ears aren't listening. If you do not have someone in your life that you feel comfortable enough to share your innermost thoughts with, then I would suggest that you seek a counselor who will assist you in making peace with your emotions about the divorce.
In today's society, we have begun to look at marriage as throw away. "When the going gets tough the tough get going" seems to be our motto in the United States in particular where the divorce rate is higher than any other place in the world. The rate has not quite reached the 50% rate that the media is reporting. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%. According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.
A divorce increases children's risk for a variety of problems, though not all children who experience divorce have problems. Children of divorce are twice as likely as children living in nondivorced families to experience difficulties. Roughly 20% to 25% of these children will have problems, which means that 75% to 80% will not experience difficulties. Children of divorce are at greater risk for developing problems, but most will not have major problems.
The statistic suggest that divorce does not have to be devastating for our children. There are things that you can do as a parent to ensure your child's well being following a divorce. I will explore these ideas in detail in future blogs but want to focus in on one thing right now. Stop sharing all the details of your troubles with your former spouse with your child. This person is still your child's parent and sharing these things causes conflicting emotions in your child. Find a trusted friend or family member that you can vent your feelings to, but make sure that little ears aren't listening. If you do not have someone in your life that you feel comfortable enough to share your innermost thoughts with, then I would suggest that you seek a counselor who will assist you in making peace with your emotions about the divorce.
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