Is your Child Gender Questioning

Is your child questioning or exploring how they want to express their gender identity? Have they told you that they are transgender? This series is for you. This can be a trying time for you, your child, family members and friends.

Over the past few years I have watched one of my friends struggle through each of the steps of her daughter's path of transitioning to her son. I plan to guide you through her journey and share some of the ups and downs she has had along the way.  Counseling, informing family and friends, changing hair style, changing wardrobe, hormone treatments, name change, pronouns (the hardest) and surgery are all steps in this process. Since each of these steps bring up many emotions in parents, I plan to discuss each one individually.

Food for Thought: I have also heard from a few different individuals about how damaging it can be when parents are not supportive. If you are a parent struggling with your child's choice, you are not alone. You may not agree with their decision but you can still be supportive. Nothing can hurt a child more than a parent not excepting them for who they are. I think it is important to note that "supporting" doesn't necessarily equal understanding or acceptance. You can outwardly support your child while still figuring out how to accept and understand their choice. This is an example of unconditional parental love.

Ideas on Things to Do While Self Isolating

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**Volunteer by calling neighbors, friends or relatives daily who are self isolating. They are lonely
         and at risk for depression

**Pick up groceries or medications for those who are self isolating

**Start that hobby that you have always wanted to do. I am working on my drawing, painting and                calligraphy.

**See if you can make calls to people in Nursing Homes or Assisted Living Facilities. Due to this
          virus most are locked down and not allowing visitors.

**Donate money to the charities or churches in your community who are helping to provide food for           families in need

**Make online purchases at local businesses if you can.

In this time of crisis, helping others will go a long way to lifting your spirits. Please post any ideas that you have to help others.

Stay calm and stay safe.on

Coronavirus Post 2...Additional Ideas

Many parents are finding themselves having to fill roles that they never imagined that they would need to. Having to function as teachers while working from home can put a great deal of stress on parents. Take care of yourself. Don't work late into the night to catch up on work that you didn't get done during the day. Sleep deprivation lessens productivity, reduces your patience and increases your stress level.  These are all things that I believe to be counterproductive in these trying times. If possible, get family members or friends to help. Since my household is self isolating at this time, we have offered to help my granddaughter with her school work via facetime. This is not extremely difficult, since she is in Kindergarten.

In my last post, I shared with you some ways that we are staying connected with our grandchildren while remaining safe. Here are some others that we have been doing. We sent them on a scavenger hunt. We left a note in their "mailbox" and little sticky notes with clues to each of the next locations. We have been playing tic tac toe on our French doors using dry erase markers.  They had so much fun doing this, that I outlined a coloring book page on the doors with their favorite characters so that they could color them on the door like a stain glass window. Two things that I learned from this activity is to tape the coloring page to the outside of the door and outline on the inside (that way they can reuse the outline) and if there is another page on the back you should hang something behind the page so it is easier to see when outlining.

Keep calm and stay safe.

Talking to Your Children about Coronavirus

The world is changing day by day due to the coronavirus. Schools and businesses are closing for an undetermined period of time. Anxiety and fear in adults is increasing as this threat moves closer and closer to home. How is this effecting our young children and teens? What should we tell our children about this virus and it's effect on our society?

First and foremost, check your level of fear and anxiety. Children and the people around you will feed off your fear. Are you taking all the precautions that the government has suggested? If you are, be somewhat comforted by the fact that you are doing all that you can do to keep yourself and your family safe. If you aren't, begin today.

Talk to your children about the virus in terms that are age appropriate. Younger children can understand about spreading nasty germs. They can be taught that handwashing, elbow bumps instead of hugs and handshakes, and distancing themselves from older family members will help prevent the spread of these nasty germs. I recommend viewing the news with your tweens and teens so you can answer their questions and alleviate their fears about this pandemic and help them to understand the things that they can do to help be part of the solution.

I am a grandparent of two young grandchildren. Due to my asthma, my husband and I are self isolating. We continue to interact with our grandchildren in several ways.  They play games and blow bubbles in our backyard while we watch from inside. We blow kisses and play hand games on the window between us. I am happy to say there are lots of finger prints on our glass door. We are also reading books and playing games via facetime or skype. We are also writing letters and drawing pictures for each other and leaving them in a toy mailbox.

If you have other ideas about staying connected, I would love to hear about them as it looks like we may be in this for the long haul.

Day Care Grandparenting

If you watch your grandchildren while their parents are working two or more days a week, you fall in to a category of grandparenting that I am calling Day Care Grandparenting. You actually need to walk a fine line between two other categories of grandparenting. At times you will be a close by grandparent and at other times you will find yourself filling the role of parenting grandparent. 

The most important thing to remember about this category is finding a balance that works for you, your children and their children. I recommend that you start by reading my two prior posts about being a close by parent and being a parenting parent. I think this is the most challenging grandparenting role there is, as there are times that you need to act as the parent and times that you will be the fun loving grandparent. The switching back and forth may become tricky but it is important to remember that awareness of a problem is half way to a solution.

Grandparenting Right Around the Corner

I fall into this category of grandparent, the grandparent who lives right around the corner. I think it is important to have balance in your life when you live close to your children and grandchildren. For me this means having a date night each week with my husband, helping my daughter out with transporting her children to activities once or twice a week and babysitting the grandchildren once a week for a few hours while she earns a little extra money tutoring. We try to have the whole family over for dinner three or four times a month on Sunday. They usually leave with leftovers enough for another meal.

Now that my grandchildren are five and two, we starting  to have sleepovers with them. I am thinking about making this a monthly event. I see this as a win-win for all concerned. Quality time with the grandchildren away from their parents, and alone time for the busy young couple. I think it builds some feeling of independence for the children, at a time when the two year old is very attached to his mother.

It is very important to remember not to break any of the rules that the parents have set down. It would be devastating to find yourself in the position of living so close and not being able to see them because their parents have lost the ability to trust you with their children. Maybe bending them a little is reasonable as a grandparent, but check with the parents before you do. Reminding them of the relationship that they had with their grandparent and how important it was to them may help.

Living a Great Distance from your Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who lives far away from your grandchildren and wish you could see them more often, here are some suggestions for you.

Video chats are the best. You could video chat and have a "meal" with your grandchild. Eat breakfast with them and get their day off to a great start or share dinner and find out about how their day went. Doesn't matter if you are in different time zones. My recommendation is to do this on their time, as children require routine in their lives much more so than adults. Another idea for video chats is to play games. Choose games that are age appropriate and work well if played in two different places. Many games can be adapted for this purpose. Some will require having a game at each location.

Writing letters is a lost art form, but in my experience children love to get mail. Mailing them a letter on a regular basis will have them running to the mailbox. Write about what you are doing in your life, ask questions about their life, provide words of wisdom and share pictures of you. We often have tons of pictures of our grandchildren but do they have any of pictures of us? Pictures of both of you will help remind them of the fun times you had when you were together. This is particularly important for very young children. E-mails are great also, I just think that there is something more personal about a handwritten letter.

If possible, planning a school break trip together is a great way of bonding and providing some much needed supervision for working parents. In addition to going on the trip together, think about the hours of fun you will have planning your adventure together.

Remember that making those times together really count will strengthen the bond between you and your grandchildren. 

Some Suggestion for Grandparents who are Not in their Grandchidren's Lives

Being a grandparent is one of the best experiences in my life. I am sad that their are some grandparents who are not permitted to or chose not to be a part of their grandchildren's lives.

If you are choosing not to be a part of their life due to choices that their parents made, I would like you to consider that the child was not the one to make those choices. In today's society, children need all the positive support that they can get. Most households have two working parents and parents are not able to attend all of those special events at school or daycare. Recently I attended a Halloween parade at my grandson's daycare and  today I am going to my granddaughter's school to share a birthday lunch with her. I see these as a win-win for myself and my grandchildren. I wish this for all grandparents.

If you are not allowed to be a part of your grandchildren's lives because of bad choices you made, consider making amends with their parents. They may not believe you at first but keep trying. What you gain will far exceed any discomfort that you feel doing this. If the things in your past are to bad to make amends for, consider keeping a journal about your feelings with regard to your grandchildren. They may choice to meet you when they become an adult and you can share your journal at that time.

Good luck.

Birthday Gift Thoughts for Grandchildren

Two of the children who call me Mimi were both born in November. So figuring out what to get them for their birthday which is right around the corner from the holiday season poses great stress. My grandchildren, like most children, have way too many toys. If your grandchildren are young, getting something that they need makes sense as they will not remember or care what you got them. They seem to be more interested in the wrapping paper and boxes then they are in the gift itself. Some of the gifts that have been greatly appreciated by my grandchildren's parents are clothes in a size or two larger than they wear, diapers, walkers, and high chairs. Especially diapers. Another idea with so many working parents is paying for a month or week of daycare.

This year, my soon to be two year old grandson is in need of a new bed. He keeps crawling out of his crib and falling out of the youth bed that was created from his crib. So we will be getting him a mattress and his other grandparents are getting him bedding. Our soon to be five year old granddaughter is old enough to appreciate and remember the gifts that she is given. At this age or older, I would recommend providing them with experiences. A trip to the theme parks (as I live in Orlando), music or dance lessons, or perhaps a weekend trip to a destination that would interest your grandchild (consider the age of your grandchild when picking the destination).  This year the grandparents are all chipping in to give our granddaughter ballet and tap lessons. We included her in the decision making process of choosing what kind of lesson she wanted. She chose ballet and tap. We took her to watch a class and she was invited to participate. She loved it.

The things that our granddaughter seems to remember most fondly are the experiences that we have given her, not the toys.

Grandparents Who Are Parenting Their Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who is raising your grandchildren be careful not to fall into the role of a grandparent. You must take on the role of a parent. For the good of your grandchildren it is important to discipline them when necessary and not spoil them with all kinds of gifts. No matter the reason that you find yourself in this position, it is imperative that you fill the role of parent. Your grandchild's success as an adult depends on it.

Grandparents and the Different Roles They Play in Grandchildren's Lives

With the increase in single parent households and two income households, the role of grandparents becomes more important than ever.

As I begin a series on grandparenting, I realize that grandparents can play a number of different roles in their grandchildren's lives. I will be giving suggestions for each of  five types of roles that grandparents may play.  The five types are: Daycare Grandparents, Close-By Grandparents, Distant Grandparents, Parent-Grandparents and Absent Grandparents.

Daycare Grandparents are being defined as grandparents who care for their grandchildren three or more days a week while parent is working. Close-By Grandparents live near their grandchildren and are able to see them on a regular basis. Distant Grandparents live far away from their grandchildren and are only able to see them a few times a year. Parent-Grandparents are those grandparents who are raising their grandchildren on their own. Absent Grandparents are those grandparents who choose not to have a relationship with their grandchildren or the children's parents refuse to allow them access to their grandchildren.

Each of these relationships requires different types of interactions and I will therefore address them  in separate posts. Each post will give suggestions regarding gifting, and specific interactions that may improve your relationship no matter your circumstances with your granchild.

College Application Time is Approaching for Seniors

It is that time of year for high school seniors to get to work on college applications. Seniors should be getting their applications, essays and recommendation letters together now. Hopefully, they have already been involved in a number of diverse activities and community service opportunities throughout their high school career. If not get to work setting yourself apart from the average student. These activities are very important for their application to stand out from the crowd. In addition , many high schools over students the option of taking college credit courses. Seniors can actually earn an associates degree and a high school diploma on graduation day. This allows a student to apply to colleges as an incoming sophomore or junior where there is a much better chance of getting into the college of your choice.

There are several application opportunities that increase your child's chance of getting into a college of their choice. The first is Early Decision. If you are both set on a particular college this may be for you. Completing this type of application locks them into going to this college if they are accepted so they must be positive. Application need to be submitted in early November and a response may be received in December. There is a much smaller application pool for this type of application which greatly increases your child's chances of getting accepted.

Early Action differs from  Early Decision in that it is not binding (meaning if they are accepted, they are not locked into going to that school. Your child could apply to several different colleges. Deadline for these applications is also in early November, application pool is also smaller and they should find out about their acceptance in December.

Early Admission is another option, but the number of applicants is larger which decreases your child's chances of getting in to the college of their choice. Early Admission applications are usually due in January and they should find out about acceptance in February.

When it comes down to apply to colleges, earlier is definitely better.

What You Need to Know about Outlet Covers

The small plastic outlet plug in model which I have used for decades may be a choking hazard. If your cover is small enough to fit through a toilet paper roll, then it is a choking hazard. There are covers that screw into the wall over outlet plate and slide shut over outlets when outlet is not in use. This eliminates the choking hazard problem and in addition you will never lose it or forget to put it back in when you are finished using the outlet.

More Ideas for Rear Facing Baby Seats

After my post regarding the rear facing mirrors for your baby, it was brought to my attention by my son-in-law, who is a father of two young children, that there was another alternative. I did some research regarding baby cams for rear facing car seats. I found three options.

The Yada Digital Tiny Traveler Wireless Video Baby Monitor costs around $150. It was the least expensive of the three but it requires two cigarette outlets to power and the cords provided seemed to break a lot. The cords seemed to be a hazard.

The Zooby Wifi Direct Portable Video Baby Monitor is the only certified crash tested stuff animal car baby monitor. It has two-way talk, night vision, plays three lullabies, zoom in capabilities and is  android compatible. This unit costs around $170, but has mixed reviews. There is some difficulty with charging as the monitor requires a USB port and the camera has a micro USB port. Both camera and monitor must be turned off when leaving the car. It was often reported to freeze up or shut off  and the sound quality was not very good.

The Garmin Baby Camera seems to be the best option. The camera costs around $190 but it only works with a Garmin GPS. Since most of us use our phones as a GPS, a Garmin GPS would also need to be purchased, bringing the total to about $350 for both. It can be used for rear facing or front facing car seats. It is easy to install to the car headrest with a twist to clamp bracket. It uses 2 AA batteries and the GPS can be hooked to up to four cameras in order to monitor more than one child. It is voice activated and informs parent that child is still in car when car is shut off. I really like this feature since there are a number of infant car deaths each year because parents have forgotten children in their cars.

Keeping Up with Baby Recalls is Important

New parents should keep an eye out for baby items that have been recalled. They are taken off the store shelves but it is impossible to notify parents who purchased these items prior to the recall. Sometimes these new items run into more problems then they are solving. They are taken off the store shelves but it is impossible to notify parents who purchased these items prior to the recall.

Here are some of the recent baby recalls you should be aware of: some of the baby gates, wipe warmers, bumper pads and  bath rings. The suction on the bath ring has come unstuck and the child tips over and has been  the cause of 123 infant drownings since 1983, that is just under 4 deaths each year. Some of the baby gates are constructed in such a way that a toddler can climb up on them. Some of these baby gates have been responsible for baby strangulation deaths. Wipe warmers can become a fire hazard. An alternative way of warming baby wipes is holding them in your hands for a moment and they will warm right up. Bumper pads have been a baby staple for a long time but they may cause a risk once the baby is able to roll over. The baby could roll over and press their face against the bumper pad and suffocate.

No need to panic, just keep informed. You are better at this parenting thing than you think!

To baby mirror or not to baby mirror, that is the car seat question

Recently, it was brought to my attention that some individuals who are certified to properly install a car seat are having new parents take down the mirrors that allow drivers to see their rear facing babies. I did some research and found that these certified individuals are not all in agreement about these mirrors. Since there is no definitive answer regarding this topic, I will provide information from both sides and leave the decision up to you.

Those in favor of taking down the mirror feel that this can first and foremost be a distraction for the driver. If the driver is frequently looking in the rear-view mirror to check on the baby instead of paying attention to the road, the driver is more likely to get in an accident. In addition, they believe that the baby mirror could become dislodged in an accident and injure or kill the baby. They state the when dislodged the mirror could either hit the baby with force or cut the baby if the mirror breaks. There were no reported statistics regarding either of these two scenarios.

Those in favor of the mirror feel that parents are better able to monitor a baby in a rear-facing car seat with the mirror. They also stated the there were no reported infant injuries due to these mirrors, although there have been a few reports of parents intervening when their baby was choking or vomiting in their car seat. They do acknowledge that these mirrors can be a distraction for the driver but raising awareness about this may reduce this risk.

My feelings on this topic are as follows: being aware that these mirrors may be a distraction to your driving and only checking on baby when it is safe may eliminate most of the concerns. The models most at risk for becoming a projectile in an accident seem to be those mirrors that have additional things attached such as music, lights and toys or those models that rely solely on velcro to attach it to the car.  They are heavier and may be more likely to dislodge. Mirrors that are lightweight and have rounded edges that are cushioned might be a better choice. In addition, I found several companies that had developed a mirror that could be placed in the middle seat and angled so that the baby could be monitored from the rear-view mirror. Other designs attach to headrest with velcro and hooks as well. A third option that I found was a mirror that attached to the ceiling of the car like a tension rod.

No matter what your decision regarding the mirror is, always drive safely. Remember you have precious cargo on board.

Family Traditions: New and Old

This time of year always has me thinking about family traditions and how important they can be to keeping a family together.  It doesn't matter whether this is an old tradition or a brand new one that you are starting with your family.  Some of the traditions that my parents passed down to me are:  giving me a santa every year, giving me an ornament every year, putting up the tree together and baking cookies as a family.  I have passed these traditions on to my children and added a few to the list.  Our list includes: Sunday dinner with games, volunteering and fundraising for a good cause and all family members making something for the holiday meal.  What would our Holiday be like without Gary's broccoli casserole, Chris's mac and cheese, and Jenna's apple pie? 

 You might waant to include some extended family members as well.  A few years ago, I started giving my niece a Santa at Christmas time as well.  I knew that my brother was not passing on this tradition to her.  When she opened her Santa this year, she got very excited.  I was thrilled to hear that she places the Santas on her mantel each year.  It's good to know that this tradition will live on.  I think that my Mother likes the idea that something she started is going to continue on after she is gone.

My niece started a family tradition of her own this year.  We built our first family gingerbread village (a pre-made kit works best for us).  Putting it together was great fun and destroying it was equally as fun.  Posted the pictures on Facebook of the destruction.  Looking forward to helping with next year's village, Kate.

Start a new tradition this year or find one from your past that you can continue with your children.  It may just bring your family even closer together and build some priceless memories.

Amazing and FREE Shows to Share with Your Children

In a world filled with gadgets and technology, don't forget that mother nature can provide some pretty amazing entertainment for the family.  This year has a number of spectacular to behold events in store for us.  Eclipses, meteor showers, planets and comets will all be available to view throughout the year.  So put away those gadgets, get away from the city lights and enjoy some unmatched family time.

Note:  If you can't leave the technology behind, don't forget that many phones and pads are equipped with a star gazing app that can add to the fun.

Kids really do say and do the darnedest things!

When I was reading through my e-mails I found this and just had to pass it on.  Kid's really doing say the darnedest things and listening closely can really give us new insight into our world and a good chuckle.

Why do We Love Children?
1) NUDITYI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONSOn the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUPA woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang; so, she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITYA little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' 'Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. 'My mother said that if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLYWhile working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UPA little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And, why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATHWhile walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers; and, with sonorous dignity, intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOLA little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLEA little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'

Should Sports Be Revised to Keep Young Children Safer?

Emergency room visits for sports-related brain injuries has risen by 60% over the last ten years.   Should contact sports for children under fourteen be motified to stop this growing trend?   Is this spike directly associated with the fact that children seem to be playing contact sports at younger ages than ever before? There is growing support for these changes because young brains under the age of fourteen are more vulnerable due to neck weakness.  The proposed changes will effect the nature of many sports, but the three "biggies" will incur changes that will change these games significantly if they are adopted.  Here are the proposed changes for children under fourteen:

Football-eliminate tackling, adopt flag football, use tackle dummies to teach tackling
Soccer-no heading as most of the head injuries in soccer are linked to this practice
Hockey-no full body checking
Field Hockey & LaCrosse-use helmets,  most of the injuries are due to being hit with the sticks

I don't think many parents would argue that the use of helmets in LaCrosse and Field Hockey is something that they couldn't live with in order to keep their child safer while playing.  However, I think that this group is going to come up against some significant resistance from parents whose children participate in the "big three".  I think some parents will argue that these changes are going to change the nature of these games too much and their children will not be prepared to play theonce they reach fourteen.  Parents argueing for these changes not only make the point about safety but also the effect these injuries have on the health care system.

The debate begins.  Will child safety win out over sports or will sports be the victor?  Only time will tell.  I think that there are going to be some very heated debates between parents on both sides of this issue before any decision is finalized.