Is your Child Gender Questioning

Is your child questioning or exploring how they want to express their gender identity? Have they told you that they are transgender? This series is for you. This can be a trying time for you, your child, family members and friends.

Over the past few years I have watched one of my friends struggle through each of the steps of her daughter's path of transitioning to her son. I plan to guide you through her journey and share some of the ups and downs she has had along the way.  Counseling, informing family and friends, changing hair style, changing wardrobe, hormone treatments, name change, pronouns (the hardest) and surgery are all steps in this process. Since each of these steps bring up many emotions in parents, I plan to discuss each one individually.

Food for Thought: I have also heard from a few different individuals about how damaging it can be when parents are not supportive. If you are a parent struggling with your child's choice, you are not alone. You may not agree with their decision but you can still be supportive. Nothing can hurt a child more than a parent not excepting them for who they are. I think it is important to note that "supporting" doesn't necessarily equal understanding or acceptance. You can outwardly support your child while still figuring out how to accept and understand their choice. This is an example of unconditional parental love.

Ideas on Things to Do While Self Isolating

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**Volunteer by calling neighbors, friends or relatives daily who are self isolating. They are lonely
         and at risk for depression

**Pick up groceries or medications for those who are self isolating

**Start that hobby that you have always wanted to do. I am working on my drawing, painting and                calligraphy.

**See if you can make calls to people in Nursing Homes or Assisted Living Facilities. Due to this
          virus most are locked down and not allowing visitors.

**Donate money to the charities or churches in your community who are helping to provide food for           families in need

**Make online purchases at local businesses if you can.

In this time of crisis, helping others will go a long way to lifting your spirits. Please post any ideas that you have to help others.

Stay calm and stay safe.on

Coronavirus Post 2...Additional Ideas

Many parents are finding themselves having to fill roles that they never imagined that they would need to. Having to function as teachers while working from home can put a great deal of stress on parents. Take care of yourself. Don't work late into the night to catch up on work that you didn't get done during the day. Sleep deprivation lessens productivity, reduces your patience and increases your stress level.  These are all things that I believe to be counterproductive in these trying times. If possible, get family members or friends to help. Since my household is self isolating at this time, we have offered to help my granddaughter with her school work via facetime. This is not extremely difficult, since she is in Kindergarten.

In my last post, I shared with you some ways that we are staying connected with our grandchildren while remaining safe. Here are some others that we have been doing. We sent them on a scavenger hunt. We left a note in their "mailbox" and little sticky notes with clues to each of the next locations. We have been playing tic tac toe on our French doors using dry erase markers.  They had so much fun doing this, that I outlined a coloring book page on the doors with their favorite characters so that they could color them on the door like a stain glass window. Two things that I learned from this activity is to tape the coloring page to the outside of the door and outline on the inside (that way they can reuse the outline) and if there is another page on the back you should hang something behind the page so it is easier to see when outlining.

Keep calm and stay safe.

Talking to Your Children about Coronavirus

The world is changing day by day due to the coronavirus. Schools and businesses are closing for an undetermined period of time. Anxiety and fear in adults is increasing as this threat moves closer and closer to home. How is this effecting our young children and teens? What should we tell our children about this virus and it's effect on our society?

First and foremost, check your level of fear and anxiety. Children and the people around you will feed off your fear. Are you taking all the precautions that the government has suggested? If you are, be somewhat comforted by the fact that you are doing all that you can do to keep yourself and your family safe. If you aren't, begin today.

Talk to your children about the virus in terms that are age appropriate. Younger children can understand about spreading nasty germs. They can be taught that handwashing, elbow bumps instead of hugs and handshakes, and distancing themselves from older family members will help prevent the spread of these nasty germs. I recommend viewing the news with your tweens and teens so you can answer their questions and alleviate their fears about this pandemic and help them to understand the things that they can do to help be part of the solution.

I am a grandparent of two young grandchildren. Due to my asthma, my husband and I are self isolating. We continue to interact with our grandchildren in several ways.  They play games and blow bubbles in our backyard while we watch from inside. We blow kisses and play hand games on the window between us. I am happy to say there are lots of finger prints on our glass door. We are also reading books and playing games via facetime or skype. We are also writing letters and drawing pictures for each other and leaving them in a toy mailbox.

If you have other ideas about staying connected, I would love to hear about them as it looks like we may be in this for the long haul.

Day Care Grandparenting

If you watch your grandchildren while their parents are working two or more days a week, you fall in to a category of grandparenting that I am calling Day Care Grandparenting. You actually need to walk a fine line between two other categories of grandparenting. At times you will be a close by grandparent and at other times you will find yourself filling the role of parenting grandparent. 

The most important thing to remember about this category is finding a balance that works for you, your children and their children. I recommend that you start by reading my two prior posts about being a close by parent and being a parenting parent. I think this is the most challenging grandparenting role there is, as there are times that you need to act as the parent and times that you will be the fun loving grandparent. The switching back and forth may become tricky but it is important to remember that awareness of a problem is half way to a solution.

Grandparenting Right Around the Corner

I fall into this category of grandparent, the grandparent who lives right around the corner. I think it is important to have balance in your life when you live close to your children and grandchildren. For me this means having a date night each week with my husband, helping my daughter out with transporting her children to activities once or twice a week and babysitting the grandchildren once a week for a few hours while she earns a little extra money tutoring. We try to have the whole family over for dinner three or four times a month on Sunday. They usually leave with leftovers enough for another meal.

Now that my grandchildren are five and two, we starting  to have sleepovers with them. I am thinking about making this a monthly event. I see this as a win-win for all concerned. Quality time with the grandchildren away from their parents, and alone time for the busy young couple. I think it builds some feeling of independence for the children, at a time when the two year old is very attached to his mother.

It is very important to remember not to break any of the rules that the parents have set down. It would be devastating to find yourself in the position of living so close and not being able to see them because their parents have lost the ability to trust you with their children. Maybe bending them a little is reasonable as a grandparent, but check with the parents before you do. Reminding them of the relationship that they had with their grandparent and how important it was to them may help.

Living a Great Distance from your Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who lives far away from your grandchildren and wish you could see them more often, here are some suggestions for you.

Video chats are the best. You could video chat and have a "meal" with your grandchild. Eat breakfast with them and get their day off to a great start or share dinner and find out about how their day went. Doesn't matter if you are in different time zones. My recommendation is to do this on their time, as children require routine in their lives much more so than adults. Another idea for video chats is to play games. Choose games that are age appropriate and work well if played in two different places. Many games can be adapted for this purpose. Some will require having a game at each location.

Writing letters is a lost art form, but in my experience children love to get mail. Mailing them a letter on a regular basis will have them running to the mailbox. Write about what you are doing in your life, ask questions about their life, provide words of wisdom and share pictures of you. We often have tons of pictures of our grandchildren but do they have any of pictures of us? Pictures of both of you will help remind them of the fun times you had when you were together. This is particularly important for very young children. E-mails are great also, I just think that there is something more personal about a handwritten letter.

If possible, planning a school break trip together is a great way of bonding and providing some much needed supervision for working parents. In addition to going on the trip together, think about the hours of fun you will have planning your adventure together.

Remember that making those times together really count will strengthen the bond between you and your grandchildren.