Day Care Grandparenting

If you watch your grandchildren while their parents are working two or more days a week, you fall in to a category of grandparenting that I am calling Day Care Grandparenting. You actually need to walk a fine line between two other categories of grandparenting. At times you will be a close by grandparent and at other times you will find yourself filling the role of parenting grandparent. 

The most important thing to remember about this category is finding a balance that works for you, your children and their children. I recommend that you start by reading my two prior posts about being a close by parent and being a parenting parent. I think this is the most challenging grandparenting role there is, as there are times that you need to act as the parent and times that you will be the fun loving grandparent. The switching back and forth may become tricky but it is important to remember that awareness of a problem is half way to a solution.

Grandparenting Right Around the Corner

I fall into this category of grandparent, the grandparent who lives right around the corner. I think it is important to have balance in your life when you live close to your children and grandchildren. For me this means having a date night each week with my husband, helping my daughter out with transporting her children to activities once or twice a week and babysitting the grandchildren once a week for a few hours while she earns a little extra money tutoring. We try to have the whole family over for dinner three or four times a month on Sunday. They usually leave with leftovers enough for another meal.

Now that my grandchildren are five and two, we starting  to have sleepovers with them. I am thinking about making this a monthly event. I see this as a win-win for all concerned. Quality time with the grandchildren away from their parents, and alone time for the busy young couple. I think it builds some feeling of independence for the children, at a time when the two year old is very attached to his mother.

It is very important to remember not to break any of the rules that the parents have set down. It would be devastating to find yourself in the position of living so close and not being able to see them because their parents have lost the ability to trust you with their children. Maybe bending them a little is reasonable as a grandparent, but check with the parents before you do. Reminding them of the relationship that they had with their grandparent and how important it was to them may help.

Living a Great Distance from your Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who lives far away from your grandchildren and wish you could see them more often, here are some suggestions for you.

Video chats are the best. You could video chat and have a "meal" with your grandchild. Eat breakfast with them and get their day off to a great start or share dinner and find out about how their day went. Doesn't matter if you are in different time zones. My recommendation is to do this on their time, as children require routine in their lives much more so than adults. Another idea for video chats is to play games. Choose games that are age appropriate and work well if played in two different places. Many games can be adapted for this purpose. Some will require having a game at each location.

Writing letters is a lost art form, but in my experience children love to get mail. Mailing them a letter on a regular basis will have them running to the mailbox. Write about what you are doing in your life, ask questions about their life, provide words of wisdom and share pictures of you. We often have tons of pictures of our grandchildren but do they have any of pictures of us? Pictures of both of you will help remind them of the fun times you had when you were together. This is particularly important for very young children. E-mails are great also, I just think that there is something more personal about a handwritten letter.

If possible, planning a school break trip together is a great way of bonding and providing some much needed supervision for working parents. In addition to going on the trip together, think about the hours of fun you will have planning your adventure together.

Remember that making those times together really count will strengthen the bond between you and your grandchildren. 

Some Suggestion for Grandparents who are Not in their Grandchidren's Lives

Being a grandparent is one of the best experiences in my life. I am sad that their are some grandparents who are not permitted to or chose not to be a part of their grandchildren's lives.

If you are choosing not to be a part of their life due to choices that their parents made, I would like you to consider that the child was not the one to make those choices. In today's society, children need all the positive support that they can get. Most households have two working parents and parents are not able to attend all of those special events at school or daycare. Recently I attended a Halloween parade at my grandson's daycare and  today I am going to my granddaughter's school to share a birthday lunch with her. I see these as a win-win for myself and my grandchildren. I wish this for all grandparents.

If you are not allowed to be a part of your grandchildren's lives because of bad choices you made, consider making amends with their parents. They may not believe you at first but keep trying. What you gain will far exceed any discomfort that you feel doing this. If the things in your past are to bad to make amends for, consider keeping a journal about your feelings with regard to your grandchildren. They may choice to meet you when they become an adult and you can share your journal at that time.

Good luck.

Birthday Gift Thoughts for Grandchildren

Two of the children who call me Mimi were both born in November. So figuring out what to get them for their birthday which is right around the corner from the holiday season poses great stress. My grandchildren, like most children, have way too many toys. If your grandchildren are young, getting something that they need makes sense as they will not remember or care what you got them. They seem to be more interested in the wrapping paper and boxes then they are in the gift itself. Some of the gifts that have been greatly appreciated by my grandchildren's parents are clothes in a size or two larger than they wear, diapers, walkers, and high chairs. Especially diapers. Another idea with so many working parents is paying for a month or week of daycare.

This year, my soon to be two year old grandson is in need of a new bed. He keeps crawling out of his crib and falling out of the youth bed that was created from his crib. So we will be getting him a mattress and his other grandparents are getting him bedding. Our soon to be five year old granddaughter is old enough to appreciate and remember the gifts that she is given. At this age or older, I would recommend providing them with experiences. A trip to the theme parks (as I live in Orlando), music or dance lessons, or perhaps a weekend trip to a destination that would interest your grandchild (consider the age of your grandchild when picking the destination).  This year the grandparents are all chipping in to give our granddaughter ballet and tap lessons. We included her in the decision making process of choosing what kind of lesson she wanted. She chose ballet and tap. We took her to watch a class and she was invited to participate. She loved it.

The things that our granddaughter seems to remember most fondly are the experiences that we have given her, not the toys.

Grandparents Who Are Parenting Their Grandchildren

If you are a grandparent who is raising your grandchildren be careful not to fall into the role of a grandparent. You must take on the role of a parent. For the good of your grandchildren it is important to discipline them when necessary and not spoil them with all kinds of gifts. No matter the reason that you find yourself in this position, it is imperative that you fill the role of parent. Your grandchild's success as an adult depends on it.

Grandparents and the Different Roles They Play in Grandchildren's Lives

With the increase in single parent households and two income households, the role of grandparents becomes more important than ever.

As I begin a series on grandparenting, I realize that grandparents can play a number of different roles in their grandchildren's lives. I will be giving suggestions for each of  five types of roles that grandparents may play.  The five types are: Daycare Grandparents, Close-By Grandparents, Distant Grandparents, Parent-Grandparents and Absent Grandparents.

Daycare Grandparents are being defined as grandparents who care for their grandchildren three or more days a week while parent is working. Close-By Grandparents live near their grandchildren and are able to see them on a regular basis. Distant Grandparents live far away from their grandchildren and are only able to see them a few times a year. Parent-Grandparents are those grandparents who are raising their grandchildren on their own. Absent Grandparents are those grandparents who choose not to have a relationship with their grandchildren or the children's parents refuse to allow them access to their grandchildren.

Each of these relationships requires different types of interactions and I will therefore address them  in separate posts. Each post will give suggestions regarding gifting, and specific interactions that may improve your relationship no matter your circumstances with your granchild.