This may be a disorder that I am the first to discover but that does not mean that it is not real. It is something that I may very well be currently experiencing. After the Wedding Mother of the Bride Blues is not hormonely based like Post-Patum Depression, but it seems real enough to me. My symptoms include nightmares about all the little things that went wrong during the wedding, a sense of loss of my life's purpose and major tiredness.
Although no one seemed to notice all the little things that went wrong but me, that doesn't mean that they didn't happen. The pergola flowers weren't right, Jenna forgot to carry her bouquet during the ceremony. we lost the stuff for the sand ceremony and I had 30 minutes to get ready. I think that these things are laying heavy on my mind because I put so much of myself and my love into the planning that I wanted everything to be perfect for my "little" girl. Don't misunderstand, everything about the wedding was beautiful. Perfect weather for a beach wedding, my daughter was so beautiful and looked so happy, and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time including me, the food was great, decorations looked great. So why am I focusing on the little things? I seriously believe it is a disorder.
I am having a difficulty time getting back into my "normal", pre-wedding planning routine. Maybe it wouldn't be quite so hard if I had a 9 to 5 job, but since my current job consists of writing a parenting book I am finding it very difficult.
Anybody have any advice or cures for what is ailing me? No, I don't have another daughter to marry off, and I have no aspirations to become a wedding/party planner (too much stress associated with that job). Currently my only ideas are to find a part time counseling position and to just dive head first into my writing again. The writing may not be my best work but that is what the editing phase is for, cleaning up what was written in the forst go round.
So ends my series on planning a wedding.
This is Kathy's daughter posting so that everyone knows I think the wedding was perfect. I am so lucky to have such an amazing mom/wedding planner. Thank you for everything mom. I love you.
ReplyDeletenicely done kathy's daughter! i hope that my daughter feels the same way in 48 hours!
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful daughter was married last weekend in a lovely beach wedding. Everything went well and it seems all enjoyed the day.
ReplyDeleteKathy I am suffering the same symptoms you described. I keep dwelling on issues that no one else would even have been aware of. I cannot get back into my normal routine; I have a SERIOUS sense of loss of my life purpose to the point of depression; and I am so tired I cannot even tackle my housework.
I was so excited prior to the wedding, not just about the wedding but about other upcoming events in my life, and the weekend went beautifully so why am I so depressed???
Let me know how you got through this. I am so confused by my reactions here.
My daughter was married on the beach of a club. It was a gorgeous night, great music, fabulous food....everything was perfect! I was flying high until this weekend. Now I am start getting teary eyed out of the blue and cry a little. It is really anti-climactic. Nine months of planning, on and off stress and boom. DONE. It's crazy. I find the best remedy is going to my fitness center early each day. It kickstarts my metabolism and puts me in a good state of mind.
DeleteMy daughter's wedding went perfectly. The weather was gorgeous, she looked lovely, the reception was fun and I can't think of a thing that went wrong. The next day I was so tired I spent most of the day in bed, and what really surprised me was that I couldn't stop crying! My armchair thoughts are that there was a lot of angst planning the wedding, my daughter was often short with me, and I felt unappreciated because both my husband and myself worked really hard to make it the terrific day it was, and she wasn't as gracious to us -as in a toast to us at the reception telling us what spectacular parents we are! I know she had a great time, as did everyone involved. I did too, at the time, but then later all the negative stuff between us made me feel bad. And discouraged at what I consider rather immature. At least I know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was married Saturday. The day and weeks leading up to this time was very stressful for me. I knew she didn't have enough money for the type of wedding she was planning. I paid for her dress and the reception. Then discovered she hadn't planned for any decorations. We didn't have a wedding planner or cooridinator so I felt this responsibility fell on me. Yet every time I tried to discuss things with her, she got angry. I started trying come up with flower arrangements and other things that could be used. Understand I work a fulltime job AND live 70 miles away.
DeleteComing down to 2 days before the wedding my husband and I were loading our vehicles with everything I had to try to set up a decent reception. Durring this time I kept asking about certain things she had said she wanted to do and asked if she had asked her brides maids and maid of honor to help make things. Coming down to the rehesal day, she and her entourage was supposed to decorate the church. It didn't get done. After the rehersal dinner, we had 2 hours to decorate the reception hall(this was to be a morning wedding) I went to my room to pick up items to take to the hall. I met with 2 people that were there to try and decorate tables and the room for 200 guest. There just wasn't enough time. I went back to the room, not knowing where she or her party had gone. Found out they all went for margaritas. I stayed up til 1:30 completina a couple flower arrangements and yes, feeling really left out. This wasn't the first time over the 13 month engagement that I had felt discluded. Jealous? Maybe. All I know is up to now, she and I had always shared moments and laughed about anything. Anyway, day of wedding, I went back to the hall @ 6:00. Tried to do something. By then my nerves were getting the best of. I didn't get to the church until 9:15. Wedding was @ 10:30. We barely had a minute to speak. Her girls were hovering around and none of them had done what THEY SUPOOSED TO. They forgot the boutonieres, they forgot the rose petals.
Thank god the ceremony was special and went well. Afterward when we were supposed to be doing pictures, I asked what I needed to do , so I could finish and get to the reception to greet guest and was told by my daughter we could get pictures later, so I left. Needless to say there are no pictures of me and her or me and any other member of the bridal party. So when I saw on facebook, all the pictures with her and her new sister-in-lwas, father-in-laws and brother-in-laws, it really cut to the core. The reception wasn't much better. Everyone got to give their speech, except me. I wrote my speech a bout a week after the engagement. I was so proud to share my feelings for my daughter. Needless to say, I didn't even get to speak to her he whole day. Not even before they left. Guess who had to stay and clean up and pack up everything? I feel used, I feel like I have lost my greatest possession and as others all I want to do is cry. I signed up to work summer school to help keep me occupied, but everytime someone asked me about the wedding, I want to cry. I'm not a crier, yet I can't seem to stop. They return tomorrow from their honeymoon. Part of me hope she doesn't call, because I don't know what to say.
I realize what you wrote was over two years ago, but I just want to say that my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt. I really do hope that things are better for you and your daughter now.
DeleteMy daughter was married a month ago. My husband and I did many things to help this day go beautifully, and it did:). We helped find the event center, paid for the reception, organized the hotel and shuttles, paid for the shuttles, booked and paid for the stylist for myself and my daughter, found a wonderful florist and paid for the flowers. Ordered and paid for garland for the tables. Organized making candle rings out of the garland and took steps to keep it fresh and beautiful. During the whole process I felt on the sideline, trying to fill in and offer solutions for what might be a problem. My daughter wanted the wedding to be planned by herself and her now husband (a great guy:), so I often felt lost in my role as mother of the bride and on the outside looking in, wanting to feel more important, more included. A couple of times in the planning process, my daughter snapped at me leaving me feeling sad and quiet. We cried, I cried. We talked it through.
DeleteI was joyful but anxious on the day of her wedding. I was also exhausted. I am pretty sure I had the least amount of sleep among everyone involved. My daughter looked stunning, the ceremony was absolutely amazing, the reception was wonderful. When the photos arrived, there were none of my son walking me down the aisle, her father and me walking out of the ceremony, and our head table. I sobbed. The photographer said the one of myself and my son was blurry. Later she found one of my son and myself, said she would look for one of my husband and me. Two weeks later I still haven’t heard if the photographer found one of her father and me. I feel so insignificant. It is like an exclamation point on feeling unimportant.
Thanks for a place to say all of this, I feel guilty having these thoughts and feelings. Sometimes being heard can make all the difference.
We don’t regret any of the money we spent or time we invested. Our daughter thanked us often as did our son in law and his family. I am hoping I will find my way soon to letting go of the sadness and being grateful for what was a perfect day, that her father and I were so fortunate to be able to give them.
Ladies, you're not alone!
ReplyDeleteI'm the mother of the bridegroom. The wedding last Saturday was lovely. We all had a fabulous day, SO enjoyable. But ever since we got home I've felt flat and deflated, even weepy on occasion.
I was warned by others that this would probably happen and advised to have a holiday immediately after but, sadly, we didn't get around to booking anything. I suppose its inevitable, after all the preparation and expectation, that there would have to be a come-down. The best solution for me would be to be able to do it all again tomorrow, but obviously that's not going to happen!
I am relieved to see that others are feeling what I am feeling. We had a large wedding that was quite expensive and I did most of the preparations and planning. I, too, am focusing on what went wrong. Even though the caterers and florists have told me that it was one of the best they have seen, I am still troubled by things that no one else seemed to notice.
ReplyDeleteGender roles at weddings are also problematic and I wasn't prepared for that. I spent a year planning, working on details, making items, making reservations, orchestrating hair and make-up, welcome bags, even buying the bridesmaid gifts, then packing the car for the destination -- making certain everything was in place, but it was my husband who walked her down the aisle, rode in the vintage car to the church, gave the speech, first dance, received compliments and thank yous....And in saying this, I don't want to sound spoiled, however, it is difficult to be treated like a work horse, have 30 minutes to get ready, and then realize there are hardly any photos of bride and mother to mark the occasion. Public recognition is not necessary, but inclusion would have been nice.
My daughter was happy, radiant, beautiful, and that is what counts. I just wasn't expecting to feel the way that I feel now.
Wow. I guess we are all in the same boat! SO glad to know what I'm feeling is normal. My daughter was married 7 days ago and while most things went right, a couple of things that were very important to me went wrong. I can't seem to stop thinking about them. I feel sad that after all that work it wasn't perfect (as if anything ever is), even though I determined that I wouldn't fall into the trap of trying to impress or please everybody. I feel sad that it's all over and we spent so much money (even though this was planned too) and for what? I feel such a sense of loss and exhaustion. Praying really really helps! Thanks so much to all of you for sharing your feelings. I will pray for you too!
DeleteYour words are in my head!! Out of 1000 photographs, there is not one good one of my daughter and me. Even though I was well organized, I had several things to take care of while the girls were doing hair and makeup. By the time I joined them, they were done. I did make the pics for putting on her dress, but you only see my back and fat arms!! The wedding was 5 months ago and people are still commenting about how meaningful it was and the reception was a blast.....but I have such left over feelings and wish we could do it all over again. A dear friends says that weddings are like taking your children to Disneyworld....you just can't do it all. It helps me to stay busy of course and writing thank you notes has been cathartic. Interestingly, my most down time has been several months after the wedding....almost a delayed depression. I had so much energy prior to the wedding....planning, making favors, etc. Now, I don't have much interest in work...and little energy. I need to create new interests and spend time on myself. It sure helps to read similar experiences. Any suggestions?
DeleteI am so glad to hear that I am not alone feeling this way. I am the bride's mother- the wedding was Saturday. My husband was out of town working during the entire planning period, my daughter was finishing school, and I worked full time. I pretty much did it all.
ReplyDeleteI lost count at how many things went wrong at the wedding- the piano player forgot the unity candle music, the groom came in too early, the bride and her father came down the aisle too early and to the wrong song, the veil got snagged on a chair and was yanked off of the brides head, the groomsmen forgot to return to escort the moms... but everyone got a good laugh out of everything and the reception turned out GREAT. We all had a good time.
I did my very best in getting it all done. Since the wedding, all I have heard from the brides father is what I could have done to make it better and prevent the problems from occurring, nothing about what went right. My self esteem is shot. I'm exhausted and I just want to cry.
When will this feeling pass?
My daughter also was married this past saturday. She has been out of our house since she moved away for undergrad and just finished her first year of medical school 11 hours away from home. So why am I so weepy and lethargic? I am an avid exerciser and can never sleep past 5:15 am. I am exhausted and lazy and can hardly motivate myself to do anything!!!! She was the happiest, appreciative bride and other than the monsoon 90 minute rain before her outdoor wedding which was squished into the reception venue the entire day was perfect. SHE IS SO HAPPY! Why am I not? We have 3 more children to see graduate from college and get married........I want to get thru this funk. How long will it last?? Any tips on beatin the bridal blues?
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain.
DeleteI am soooo glad I'm not the only one feeling the let-down after my daughter's wedding this weekend. Everything went really well, she was beautiful, and ecstatically happy! You are right about the Father of the Bride getting to walk her down the aisle, make the toast, and have the dance - even though we Moms did the majority of the work.They are on their honeymoon right now, and I am feeling sad, lonely, and lost - even though she hasn't lived at home for a few years.
ReplyDeleteI can't talk about how I feel to any of my friends for fear of their opinion of me.
I am so thankful for finding this sight. Now I know I'm not alone, and I am not out of my mind for feeling this way.
Thank you so much, Ladies,for helping me to sleep in peace tonight. I hope some energy and a sense of purpose and drive return soon. I've been helping to plan the wedding for so long, and now it feels like there isn't much to look forward to.
I wish someone would have let me know about this before now - it would have helped with the feelings of guilt and confusion over feeling this way. :)
Thank you for sharing. I have many of the same feelings, but with some added twists. It's not that we lack a sense of purpose...our daughter hasn't lived at home for years either and I am very busy with lots of other things. I have two other daughters too. I too feel guilty for feeling this way.
DeleteMy only child, my daughter was married last Saturday, we (bride, groom, me and my husband) traveled back to our home state to have the wedding, and it went off beautifully. I was involved in a good deal of planning and my husband and I gave them a beautiful reception. For the most part, other than some family drama post wedding that I should have expected from my husband's side (big reason we moved away). But now that it is all said and done, I am back home, and feeling so depressed and useless, like I have no purpose in life any longer. I am sad, and feel let down, and feel unimportant. I have been crying nearly every day since. I free lance for work, so I have no assignments as of yet to go back to. My husband has also always been my daughter's hero, and I feel like I am second rate. I am glad I found that I am not the only one who feels this way. How to I shake myself out of this. I haven't felt this bad in years. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore or any purpose in life. My husband is always away and I am usually alone, either working or just around. I am just relieved to know that I am not alone, as I thought I was losing my mind. Thank you for listening. I feel a little better, I just hope these feelings of sadness pass quickly! Any tips or hints on how to feel better would be welcome.
DeleteOh wow.. same same ladies. My youngest daughter got married on 22nd June and is moving interstate (over 2,500 kms away. Despite being winter, it was a beautiful sunshiney day and the day went smoothly in every sense of the word. I'm so happy for her and my amazing new son-in-law - they are a great match and will be very happy. She has lived at home for her 19 years (yes, only 19!) and now is married and moving so far away.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is aching at the separation after we have been so close for so long. Added to that I guess is that our 2 older children have already left home and so she's the last one to leave home. I figured I'd be a little sad, but not quite this much (tears flowing!). A bit relieved to read that many others have the same emotions and I'm sure things will settle down at some stage. Just nice to know we're not alone. :)
I think that's part of my problem, too. My daughter was the last one at home and we were very close, made each other laugh so often. She's only moving about 200 miles away but it's still away. She and her husband are just made for each other, the vows that he wrote and read at the ceremony just made everyone, including his bride, tear up because they were so sincere and tender. I am happy for her, but sad for me. Hoping it passes quickly. :(
DeleteI should've also mentioned that the ceremony/reception made me feel quite included.. I actually drove the bridesmaids to the church so followed by husband & the bride-to-be to the church. My daughter had me do a reading at the ceremony and she organised for a father & mother of the bride speech at the reception so we both spoke.. I felt very much loved and part of the day.. Guess this is another season of life to navigate - remember ladies the day you brought your first baby home and life was turned upside down, thinking you'd never get a full night's sleep again, etc.. Perhaps its time to re-kindle what it was like for each of us when we first got married!!!
ReplyDeleteGlad I found this site when I googled Post-wedding blues for mother of the bride! My only daughter and last child at home was married 2 days ago. She and I did all of the planning and I was heavily involved over the past 9 months. I am so happy for my daughter and new sil and the wedding was gorgeous. A few things went wrong (plates and glasses that we bought didn't make it to the reception, had to send son & dil out to get some, etc.)but few people knew it and all told us how great everything was. But I just keep going over and over what I should have done differently. And then last night and today I just keep crying at the littlest things. I go back to work tomorrow, hoping getting back into my routine will help, but this was just totally unexpected and has thrown me for a loop! Why have I never heard anyone discuss this? Maybe because I feel embarrassed and others do too?
ReplyDeleteKathy's story said it all. Yesterday I cried at every place I worked on the decorations, her room etc. I think it will take awhile to get over. The remains will take awhile to clean up. How long and how did you get over it?
ReplyDeleteIt's been almost a year since my daughter's wedding (10/1/22) and I'm feeling it even more than ever. I have a son but don't know if he'll ever get married, and if he does, it won't be the same as with my daughter. My daughter is not sure if she will have children, so that is sad to think of not being a grandmother. My husband is in nursing home so he's not around. The rest of my life is looking very lonely.
DeleteMy daughter got married last weekend. I have felt depressed since that day. I was very involved in the preparation, with a great deal of help from the groom's mother. We are blessed with an amazing new son-in-law and an amazing new family to add to our own. I deliberately did not drink more than two glasses of champaign, I wanted to be very alert and in the moment. Take everything in. But, I find that I can't remember much of the night. I know the wedding was beautiful and have full memory of the ceremony. However, I have huge blanks on the reception. The night was a blur. I had plans of visiting every table and greeting people, that did not happen. And I feel guilty for that. I realize I could not greet 200 people, but I feel disappointed in myself. I did dance a lot and I know I had a great time. But, I have this odd sense of having missed a lot of the wedding. Sensory overload? I can't seem to shake it. We had a few minor things go wrong, but everything really went perfectly. Everyone said it was the most amazing wedding they'd been to. Why do I feel so sad?
ReplyDeleteI am with you. The 3 hour reception may as well have been 15 minutes. Watching the video and looking at pictures helps, but I wish we could do it all over again. I feel guilty, grieving as if this were a death. It sure helps to read that others at at the same place. Interestingly, my sadness is somewhat delayed. My daughter's wedding was June 1, and I am at my most down period. I need to plan something to look forward to.
DeleteI know I'm posting this 3 years after your post, but thank you for sharing that. I, too, feel like I had missing time at the reception. I remember the ceremony and dinner clearly, but barely any of the reception. It's like I wasn't even there! I never even saw the mini dessert display that I had been so excited about. Or the Memories Table. I didn't even eat a slice of cake or see it being served. It is just the weirdest thing ever, and I can't wait for the professional photos to be finished so that I can see more of the reception. Such a blur, and a disappointment bc I, too, deliberately didn't drink much and I had painstakingly planned almost every aspect of the wedding. It's so comforting to read of your similar experience bc I thought I was going nuts, lol!
DeleteYep, my daughter's wedding was two weeks ago - brilliant ceremony, great reception and everyone had a fantastic time. I too can't remember large tranches of the reception - didn't eat much and hardly drank but I don't know where the time from post speeches to the end went! Was heavily involved in the wedding planning (about 9 months) and am guessing it is a reaction to that absence of focus that I am also unbelievably tired - such a weird and unexpected feeling. I also hardly ever cry but have been weepy on and off since the day.
DeleteMy youngest son was married two days ago, and I was involved in a lot of the planning and preparation, plus preps for out-of-town relatives to stay with me, plus organizing the beach rental for a lot of us to stay in for the wedding weekend, plus rental cars and cooking, and dress-making...there was a lot to it. The wedding was wonderful and the stress over having to spend time with the groom's dad, my ex, and his new wife, etc., was all for nothing -- yet, still there was anxiety and excitement. The ceremony was heart-warming as they told the story of how they met, and then took their vows pledging to each other. Everything was beautiful. Then there was the clean-up, pack-up and moving back home, seeing guests to the airport and such. On the drive home from the airport I wanted to burst into tears, and couldn't figure out why. I think I've put my finger on it -- I MISS HIM. Yes, he's been out of my house for a couple of years living with his fiancée; but now it's final -- he won't be coming back, and how I miss him -- he was a fun and extremely helpful house-mate when he lived with me for a while. Now he's gone for good. I'm thrilled for him that he's so happy, but maybe I feel a little jealous that he's got this exciting future with someone he loves yet I'm alone. Still, I miss him. And I will continue to miss him, I think; but each day should get easier.
DeleteThank you for your post. My only child/son was married this past weekend. I did not cry at the wedding, my ex husband was crying but I was so happy for him and enjoying the day. The next day I started to feel sad, but thought I was just tired. Today, I went for a long walk with my dog and broke down crying. I would never discuss this with my family or friends, but reading your post helps me understand my feelings are ok and it is not just me. Looking forward to going back to work and life goes on.
DeleteMy daughter was married June 30, 2017. I did not drink a drop at the reception so that I could take it all in. I felt like I was in a dream-like state. I too missed many moments of the reception as the responsibility to visit and be a good host was constantly on my mind. My only regret is that were not two of me to visit with our guests! The out-of-town family have all gone home now, my daughter and new son-in-law are on their honeymoon, and my only other child (a son) has returned to dental school in another state. I feel sad, anxious, lonely, tired, and as though I have no purpose. I did not expect to feel this way. I'm sure these feelings are situational, and in time, will pass. Growing older and watching our children move on is both happy and difficult. My mother's wise words while I was raising my family... "these will be the happiest days of your your life." She was right.
DeleteThanks for allowing me to share.
My only child/daughter is getting married in three weeks and is "only" 19. She has a wonderful fiance. She goes to jr. college and works part-time. He is in the military.
ReplyDeleteI am very happy for them, but wish they had met later when both were more mature. They have been together since 9th grade, so the concept of them as a couple is something I am already comfortable with. But with her in school and working in another town, I have handled all the details of the wedding planning. Tonight, as I start the last round of "wedding crafts"--making the programs, I began to wonder if I will feel a let down after the wedding, similar to post-partum depression. Glad to have found this page-may be returning soon!
I feel the same way-only later. My daughter married about 6 weeks ago. It was so wonderful!!! The week after was afterglow, then so tired, a little trip for rest, and then lots of gift exchange/returns. They are happy little lovebirds, which I am so thankful for! I am now just at a loss personally. I have things to do, but I am feeling empty. You spend so many years engaged in your child's care-your world revolves around them, and then they are gone. I am just kind of lost. I am going to pray, work at my Bible study, and give this all to Him-and be patient while He works. His time is not my time, and maybe this is just something I need to go through and not around!
ReplyDeletewow I thought I was the only one feeling this way . I started planning my daughters wedding about a year ago and pretty much has been a daily job of doing it all, I really did enjoy it . She was married last Saturday. The planning was one thing after another and got real intense the last week just making sure everything was in order. Then you have dinner rehearsal then the wedding and then reception then it was done. Did not expect to be so sad and crying about 5 times a day because I forgot to have someone video the wedding and I cant change that but it makes me so sad, I always videoed everything she seems to have done since she was born but not this. That is part of my sadness but she is also my last child and only daughter. The wedding was perfect except for that. I hope I snap out of this soon.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to know I am not crazy or selfish. Thank you to everyone who has posted.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's wedding was lovely and she was a beautiful bride. I too, however, feel deflated and weepy from time to time now though. She was married on a Saturday and I even took Monday off from work to take care of finishing odds and ends with my husband and to recuperate. Yet, I still cannot forget the minor details that no one else noticed (or said they didn't notice). The photographer didn't get a picture of just me and my daughter right before or even after the wedding. I would have really liked that and I don't think my daughter even realizes it yet because she is still on her honeymoon. The florist forgot to put the mother's corsages in the pickup order, but we improvised with extra roses and ribbon so that wasn't a horrible thing. We will be reimbursed for the expense too. More than anything I feel upset that someone made the day about themselves instead of letting the day be about my daughter and her intended's wedding vows. I feel a bit robbed too in a small way, but I feel pretty certain I can get through my feelings in time. I was standing in the foyer with my daughter's future mother-in-law when she asked me what the seating arrangements were. This was something that I had specifically told my daughter she and her fiance' should discuss with his mother before the wedding so that she would be prepared. She was asking now so I explained to the groom's mother exactly how the seating was going to work because she was obviously getting concerned about it. I tried to reassure her that she would not be sitting next to her son's step-mother. She has made it clear that she does not like her at all. I also told her that there would be two people between them. Her daughter and her ex-husband. Well, she was ushered down the isle and her daughter went in first and sat down next to her father. The next thing we see is her telling her daughter to get up and move to the front row. They both sat on the front row for the entire ceremony. Her son was upset, but quickly showed that he was a better man than I was a mother of the bride. Now, this is something I am trying very very hard to move past.
That incident literally took my attention away in such a major way that it took me what seemed like 15 minutes (probably more like 5, but it is all a blur to me now) to get my head back in to the wedding ~ my daughter's special day. I just feel that it was an incredibly selfish thing for her to do. I don't know what it is like to have my husband cheat on me with another woman so I am really trying to understand, but it was over 13 years ago and I would like to think that had that same thing happened to me I would be able to somehow move onward and upward. To add insult to injury...I found out after the wedding that she lied to her son and told him that she did not know what the seating arrangements were suppose to be. I abhor people who deliberately lie. I wish I would have never heard that she told this lie.
My head tells me that the incident says more about her than anyone else, but my heart is still so upset about it.
Then, I think...she is still holding on to her hurt feelings about her ex and living in a self made prison. I don't want to do the same thing over this issue at all. It feels wonderful just to type it all out actually. We live in a small tight nit community and I really don't have anyone I feel "safe" to talk to about it. Thank you for letting me share and for all of you sharing your similar experiences. I am hoping to snap out of this before my precious daughter returns from her honeymoon.
My daughters wedding was this past weekend, and I have felt sad ever since the wedding! I was very involved with the wedding planning and feel a complete sense of loss, now that it is over. I totally resent the fact that I did not seek my daughter out at the wedding for a picture of the two of us together! This has bothered me immensely, and I feel helpless as nothing can ever change this. (I'm hoping the one picture the photographer took turns out!) I never thought that I would feel so sad. I know my daughter is happy and I'm truly happy for her. I know the wedding is not about me, however, I feel like I have been completely forgotten and this is hurtful to me. I question whether I was ever a very good mother. I hope these feelings go away soon, so I may begin a new chapter in my book of life. I know I'm blessed to have two beautiful daughters that are very happily married and I know in my heart that I did raise my daughters with lots of love and affection. It is very comforting to know that there are other mothers out there feeling the same way, thank you for allowing us mothers of the bride an outlet to vent our feelings without be judged. Stilling feeling blue.
ReplyDeleteYour post gave me an idea! I also did not get a picture with my daughter. I worked on planning the wedding for her that she had this past weekend for almost a year with all the smallest details, and the photographer took hundreds of pictures, but it never occurred to us to have that special pic taken at the wedding. I was already feeling very sad and then found this site to see others were feeling bad also. I first felt worse when I realized I had missed out on the picture too, but then had a revelation: I am going to ask my daughter to put on her wedding dress again, and I will put on the dress I wore, and we can take a picture with the remote on her camera. Our hair may not be the same, so maybe it will resemble more of a getting ready for the wedding shot. It will be yet another special mother-daughter secret in which we can recreate a moment in time from that wonderful day. After all, she tried on the gown many times before as I did my dress, so it will be a continuous flow of before, during, and after with no guilt. Maybe you can do this also? Amid all the people and goings-on and new husband, it can feel like we have been so terribly neglected. I also began to question if I was the mother I should I have been. But I know I was. Since your daughter was happy and you raised your girls with love and affection, I believe you surely were and still are an amazing mom!
DeleteThank you for the idea..... I have grieved over not having a pic of just us!!! Over 1000 pics and not one of the two of us.
DeleteHi... I'm just wondering if you ever had another picture with your daughter in your dress, and her in her bridal gown? My daughter was married two weeks ago, and I also didn't get a picture with my daughter on her wedding day. I am having such a hard time with this. I'm so upset. I don't feel like an after picture would help me, but I'm just wondering if it helped you? My daughters day was beautiful as well, but I have really bad feelings about the way a lot of things went, a lot of small details, that no one noticed, and a few big deals that more people probably noticed. I'm just wondering how long these 'blues' lasted, and was there anything that helped get over it? I'm so upset with my daughters bridesmaids, who didn't help make her day special at all... when they were supposed to be getting ready they went to the bar... and when asked to participate in a photo they yelled at me. I didn't say anything at the time, because I didn't want the day to get uncomfortable, but it really has me upset. In the bridal suite right before the wedding, one of the bridesmaids started yelling at my daughter because my daughter was frustrated that, since they'd been in the bar, there weren't any pictures taken of the complete wedding party... after all the time we spent preparing, and she had asked that they please not drink until at the reception. Two of the bridesmaids even slipped away at the church and ran to the store to buy beer. Guests were arriving and saw them outside guzzling beer and hiding the bottles in the bushes at the church. :( It wasn't at all that type of wedding... My daughter also really snapped at me, and I'm still feeling really bad about this. Now, she seems to really be distancing herself from me, and we've always been so close. I didn't talk to her (obviously) while she was on her honeymoon, but since she's been back, only once. We used to talk every day. I'm just so sad... I'm hoping someone has some good tips for what helps? I just, more than anything, want to be close with my daughter and continue to have a wonderful relationship with her...
DeleteMy daughter was married five days ago and I have been crying a couple of times a day ever since. The wedding was beautiful, even though a number of things did not go as planned. Her husband is a great guy so I have no fears on that score. But she seems to have spent the three days after the wedding relating warmly to her in-laws and being kind of cool towards her father and me. Our relationship has always been fabulous and we had no disagreements over her wedding plans but I feel left behind. I also have only one picture with her and was disappointed that during and after the ceremony she was not more expressly grateful for the expense and effort and attention we gave her. She hasn't been like this with us before, so I can't deal with the distance between us. And I don't want to tell anyone for fear of seeming less than the perfect mother of the happy bride.
DeleteI too felt like my daughter did not seek me out for a picture and cannot for the life of me figure out why I didn't get her for a picture, but knowing this has happened for others makes me feel better. Some how I feel I enjoyed the planning better than the actual event, yet everyone tells me how much they enjoyed it.
DeleteAlready feeling better in knowing I am not alone in my post wedding blues. My husband and I returned from the location of our oldest daughter's wedding yesterday. She was married this past weekend. Only two hours away fortunately but I am feeling depressed and disappointed also. My daughter has not lived at home for awhile so thankfully we do not have that part of it to deal with.Nonetheless all I can do is think about a small number of things that did not go well instead of the big picture-lovely day, our daughter was beautiful and we love our son- in-law.Our daughter was engaged a year ago at this time so thankfully had time to plan and did an awesome job. She did involve me in the process but did not have to spend the kind of time that many of you did. They are not going on their honeymoon until a later date and so just taking some time off before getting back to work and "real life". I think she is also experiencing a little let down. Would recommend that the couple maybe go away for a day or two rather than do this, as there is the feeling that it was a two day event (including rehearsal dinner ) and then it is over after so much work. We received lots of compliments about the ceremony and reception so the feedback is good to hear.I am trying to think in terms of what is next for them which will be exciting: they can relax ,reflect on good memories enjoy life now,may be a house in the near future etc. These feelings of sadness are foreign to my husband. He is only happy, which I am too but... Going to stay busy, get some much needed rest and probably jump into a project which is usually helpful. Also holidays ahead! Will let you know if this helps.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found this site. My daughter got married this past weekend, and I too did much of the planning, and as many have said, I too am feeling very depressed. The wedding went beautifully and i was so happy to see my husband walking her down the isle, make the toast etc. But as many have posted above, i too found myself feeling unimportant during the day (and i feel bad saying that because i know it was not about me). Also, I had to ASK the photographer to take a picture of just me and my daughter. If i hadn't thought of it after the ceremony there would not be one picture of just she and I. I saw that many others have had this same experience of no mother-daughter pictures---what is with that??????? Thank you to all who have shared. I feel better knowing that I am not alone in being depressed at this time.
ReplyDeleteLOL... I'll have to remember this, though I'll be the groom's mother planning for extra family (I have sons).
ReplyDeleteI know hurricanes, so I'll be prepared. ;)
Wedding outfits | Mother
of the bride
I think it is just a part of the whole process of letting go. We have spent quite a number of years focused on the details of child raising and then hyper focused on the details of the wedding. Our brains can't transition in a flash to letting go of the details. So we harp on the small things that did not go right.
ReplyDeleteI insisted that I give a speech. I mean in 2014 a woman should have voice.... right? I am glad I did. My daughter realized that I was feeling a bit jealous of the role my husband had, so she requested that the DJ play a song, which she sang to me (not with a mike), but before we knew it everyone on the dance floor was singing it to me. It was one of the best moments of my life.
I still spent the first two days focusing on what went wrong.
My recommendation... speak up. It is never too late.
Our daughter was married Saturday (May 24th, 2014). That evening I summed up the wedding ceremony and reception this way: "It was not perfect... but it was PERFECT". (It truly was better than we could ever have imagined!) Everyone enjoyed themselves, and we were in the after-glow on Sunday as we visited with family who had come to the wedding from out-of-town. Yet today, as I reviewed my many pre-wedding lists - and realized what went not-exactly-as-planned, I began to go on and on (and on) about those details. Well, my husband finally said, "Enough. You're taking away from all that was right about the day" (which was almost everything). I guess I just needed to verbalize what I wished had happened (i.e. "planned", so therefore expected), but at his comment, I realized he was right. Then I thought how those little "disappointments" (read: "not as planned") should only be shared with other women since guys don't seem to appreciate the importance of all the details. But now, after reading these posts, I'm realizing that I should just "Let it go" and instead (as my husband suggested) focus on all that went right. So Ladies, don't expect perfection. (Set the bar too high and you'll be disappointed.) So, I will say again what I first said Saturday night, "Our daughter's wedding day was not perfect..., but it was PERFECT!" Absolutely perfect!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad also to have found this site and to be able to relate to some of these mother of the brides. It is not so much thinking about the rights/wrongs of the wedding and reception, but just a general feeling of loss. My daughter has been away from home for 2 years in college and I had some separation depression for a short time; however, this feels very different...like someone said, a true loss. I thought it was horrible to feel sad on a lovely day, but I'm seeing that so many of you mothers have felt the same way. I absolutely LOVE my new son-in-law. I think it's mainly that life will ever be the same again. She doesn't need me like that anymore. I guess that's good and bad.
ReplyDeleteI know this is so late in this conversation, but I need to say this stuff anyway.
DeleteI'm so glad you all shared your feelings here.
Our daughter hasn't lived at home since undergrad, and she's 33 now! And the closest she has lived in all that time is an eight hour drive away.
We returned from the wedding weekend late last night and all of a sudden I can't stop crying.
I was less involved in planning than most of you, since she lives so far away, so I don't feel like it's a loss of activity. And the wedding was just wonderful. Everything went right.
I think I have more of a feeling of loss.
She is our only child, and she's always been our "little girl," but now I feel like she's not our little girl anymore, she's somebody's wife instead. And her new in laws live four hours closer to her than we do, so i feel jealous that they see her more often than we do.
And I feel guilty about all these feelings, because this is the way life is supposed to work! You raise your child with roots and wings, and her roots are strong, but I wish she didn't have to fly so far away!
Thank you all for sharing your stories all these years ago so I don't feel so alone with my weeping.
I too am thankful for this site, I have been all feeling all of the above and have had no want or energy to even motivate myself, I have gone over and over my reactions, my manners, my dress, how did I appear to others, but most of all I am very upset about the Mother/Daughter picture looking back everyone has a picture with my daughter and I did not actively seek a picture with her, I do know I was thinking she is socializing and I do not want to seem klingy and now I notice I really do not have any pictures with her and I am devastated. but also I am so teary and weepy these past 2 weeks that I can hardly get up in the morning. My husband is saying it was a Great day! focus on how wonderful it was instead of the negative.Our daughter lives in London and we live in Canada and I am having a terrible time with this, I would like to hit the replay button and do it all again I would smile until my face hurt and Dance till my feet hurt..but I cannot hit replay and I am not doing very well with the depression. I do not know what to do, my husband keeps saying what a great time he had and I keep thinking "did" it really go that well?, I see all the little things I could have done. I also got into a disagreement with my daughter the day after and I have dwelled on this for 2 weeks..I wrote her an apology e-mail as soon as our plane landed and still all the things I felt went wrong with the wedding outshadow the happy things and how happy she was. I am feeling so alone and no sense of purpose. I am glad their are others that are feeling this way. I was beginning to think this feeling will never end.
ReplyDeleteMy son got married last Saturday. I had no idea how hard it would be to let go. He married a wonderful girl, the wedding was fantastic, but the past week I've felt such a sense of loss and have spent most of this morning in tears. I have no daughters and felt very close to this son. I'm glad to know that I'm not crazy and that others are going through the same thing.
ReplyDeleteSlighty different scenario but the same feeling of come down. My daughter, my only child, got married this weekend. Unfortunatly we live 100,s of miles apart so I was not as involved with the planning as a lot of you. I also have feeling that I was unimportant on the day, yes I know it was not MY day. Because of distance I don't know her friends very well & they don't know me , my daughters new in laws & her father ,my ex, live near my daughter, so added to my feelings of unimportance. My daughter & her husband already have 2 small children & I spent most of my time looking after them. One incident happened that I am crying over as I write, one of my daughters friends was holding one of my grand children & chatting to me, suddenly thrust her back into my arms because it was time for cake cutting & first dance, that hurt so much. It was a lovely day & my daughter is so happy, just wish I felt the same way. NB The official photographer took no photos of just me & the bride, I just asked anyone I saw to take one so at least I have that. Rereading this I sound miserable & almost jelous I think what a lot of you have posted about wishing to have day again is very true & I do feel better reading everyone's stories so thankyou
ReplyDeleteIt was comforting to read these messages, I thought I was going mad, my daughter got married a few days ago and before the wedding I was stressed, couldn't sleep etc etc. Now when I feel I should no longer be stressed I am haunted by feelings of regret that I wasn't involved enough on the day, didn't mingle as much as I should have, didn't look good enough etc. I know these feelings are irrational as the day was perfect, and yes I did get my mother and daughter photo, although it was a last minute thing at my request, but this morning I have been sobbing my heart out, it's crazy! My husband had to go away to work 2 days after the wedding which makes it worse as I also miss him and feel very lonely. I'm sure these feelings will pass. I also wish I could have the day over again so I could get it right, although I'm sure other people would say I did nothing wrong! Thanks for this site, it has helped a bit.
ReplyDeleteIt seems we all feel the same way, It's a universal thing which gives me hope Good luck to
Deleteus all x
My daughter got married June 20 and I am glad I am not the only person feeling like this. She was in school full time, working and moved almost an hour away three months before the wedding. I worked for a year to be able to give her the day she wanted. His parents offered no help and I happily did it because I love her. I did not feel appreciated at all. I did a lot of the work and behind the scenes stuff and had little appreciation for it. Its like I have been dumped on and feeling depressed and let down even though I was such a memorable day. I want to say I tld you so for so many things and I know its wrond but she is off enjoying life and I am feeling so bad and no one understands except mothers of the bride. I made it too much of my life and now its done and I feel left out of her new life. Its like everyone is happy and moving on and I am still waiting for the sky to open up to recognize all that I did for her. Im sure it will fade and time heals a broken heart that sits and waits for the phone call that she is too busy to make. Just breaks my heart and I hope that this let down doesn't ruin my other kids weddings. Seeing this is not just how I was feeling helps out so much. We often feel like we are alone in the world with our problems and now I know I am not
ReplyDeleteWhat a relief to know that other mothers have been focusing on the little things that went "wrong", an unkind word, something undone or forgotten about. I keep on saying to myself that none of it actually spoiled anything for her and her husband. After two weeks the mist is starting to clear a bit I think. I still feel a bit flat but the physical symptoms of depression are starting to go. Take heart!
ReplyDeleteThis is me again (July 12). Still a bit up and down and finding it a bit of a strain to plan and be enthusiastic. Quite difficult when people ask how the wedding went.But I know it did go WONDERFULLY despite the one thing I forgot, and this is just a temporary "madness".
ReplyDeleteOn my daughter's wedding day, her fiance was supposed to pack his clothes in their one large suitcase and take it to the hotel. She told me to tell him to take her back pack as the carry on for their flight as well. When he arrived, we spoke briefly and then I went back to where she was getting her hair done. He went upstairs and then left before I came out of the getting ready room. When she was finished with hair, she went upstairs and then came to the balcony and asked if he had come because he didn't take the suitcase or her back pack; she was very frustrated. I was frustrated because they were leaving for the hotel after the reception in a vintage car and the instructions I was given was that there was limited luggage space. I thought it was great that he was checking in to the hotel with luggage ahead of time. So of course, I was upset because she was upset and starting saying things like...well do I need to have people check with me before they leave when they were asked to do something...I told one of the bridesmaids she and her husband might have to take their luggage to the hotel following them if it didn't fit. My daughter then called her fiance and "yelled" at him. (I didn't know she did that til later). On the ride to the church, (I was driving with bride and one bridesmaid), my daughter told me she hated me and didn't want to see me the rest of the evening. It broke my heart. She probably never said that to me more than once or twice her entire 26 years. We had always been close. She then admitted that she yelled at her fiance on the phone and the next time she will see him will be at the altar and she was mad. She blamed me for getting her upset. She was the one that was upset in the first place and got me started. She apologized before the wedding but I don't think I will ever forget it. It's the thing I will always remember on her wedding day. So now my sadness has to do with what she said that day. I told my husband about it after the wedding. He was sympathetic but nothing will ever take it away. It's coming up on 2 weeks and tonight I started feeling sad about it again. I can't wait to finish all the post wedding clean up so I can forget it. I think it ruined my relationship with my daughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm sooo..... glad I found this site and now realise I am not alone with my feelings. My daughter was married a week ago and I haven't stopped crying and I don't understand why. I am a widow and retired and the feeling of loss is awful. I don't want to tell anyone how I feel because I don't want it to be a downer for everyone. Living on my own and no-one to talk to is hard. My life just feels like it has absolutely no purpose. Throughout my daughters life there were many strings that tied us and as each milestone is reached another string has been cut. Her first day at school - snip. Her first day as a senior - snip. Her first day at university - snip. Her first day at work - snip. There was one last string linking us and that string was cut at her wedding. Her life is now with someone else and she won't need me as she did before. I can't stop crying. Can someone please take this pain away? I feel so lonely and alone. The wedding was an absolute blast and my son-in-law is fabulous. I should be pleased that my daughter has now entered into a wonderful new life. They are so in love. But I feel so sad and blue.
ReplyDeleteThis will pass and you will feel better, but it will take time. My daughter who got married this year is now pregnant, so exciting! Be happy for your daughter and you will be happy again soon
DeleteMy gorgeous daughter married a couple of weeks back, and the day was perfect. However, the run-up to the wedding was difficult for a variety of reasons, and most of the blame for that seems to have been put onto me, as I struggled with depression and emotional problems when dealing with the involvement of her dad and his new family. He has a habit of being involved in the highlights of her life, but for the rest of the time 'only calls when he wants something' (her words, not mine). I have gone from being the 2nd closest person in her life (after her new husband, of course!) to being the one she has taken all her anger out on when the arrangements got tricky.
ReplyDeleteMy son tells me that me and her dad both made things difficult for her; me by getting emotional and her dad by being unreasonable. Yet I got all the battering!! My relationship with her has been strained beyond words, and all because of difficulties with what should have been a happy time for us all. My son also tells me that now the wedding is over, their dad will revert to his previous level of involvement. Not sure where this all leaves me though - I'm on the verge of selling up and moving away.
I am amazed at how alike we mothers and our feelings are! I'm thankful to find this post and know that I am not alone. My daughter got married three weeks ago. I spent the last year and a half planning the wedding, making sure it was her dream come true. It consumed my life, but that was okay, I was already deeply mired in the empty-nest doldrums, it gave me a "project".
ReplyDeleteThe wedding was in Florida, my daugther lives in Las Vegas. Six months ago, right in the middle of the planning, my husband's job sent us to California for six months. It complicated things, but I flew home a LOT to handle things, work on craft projects for the wedding, etc. There were tons of details. I had been told, but still was not prepared for how left out I would feel when the big day finally came. I felt so unappreciated, while my husband basked in the glow of walking her down the aisle, the father/daughter dance, the toast, and even a "thank you Daddy" photo of just him and our daughter on facebook and instagram the next day. (twist the knife)... I felt I had no special "moment" with her on the wedding day. I made it all happen, but Dad got the appreciation. I got all of her pre-wedding bridezilla moments for the entire week (and year) before the wedding.
As far as the wedding itself, it went pretty perfectly, we had a couple transportation issues, but nothing major. We had a fog machine for the introduction of the bridal party and parents that set off a silent fire alarm and three fire trucks came, but we didn't even know it until later! The wedding was beautiful, the weather was perfect, it was on the water with a beautiful sunset. My daughter described it in her "thank you Daddy" facebook post as "a fairy tale dream come true"...
The second biggest issue (second to how left out I felt) was that we figured out later that we had some wedding cards stolen. Hard to believe, I know. I even feel pretty sure I know who did it, but what can I do? Let God handle it. But, still, I wake up thinking about it every day. I'm so angry. Then, when we compiled a list of guests/gifts so thank you cards could be sent, I was again, angered, shocked and amazed by how many family members (only our side of the family, not the groom's) that did not bother to give a wedding gift at all. I was angry and embarrassed by this. I know that technically, guests have one year to send a wedding gift, but I also know that is not what happened here. It was all about the party to them, not the "wedding". They could afford hotel rooms so that they could drink and party, but they couldn't afford a wedding gift, or they were "running late and didn't have time to stop for a card".. .Please.
I really feel like crap for being so angry about this, and even worse, I can't say for sure how I'm going to feel when these same relatives' daughters get married (there's 3 engaged right now).
You really just don't get it until you actually go through this process. The guest list is a nightmare, rspv's, +1s, and the per person pricing, making it impossible to invite everyone you'd like to. It makes my crazy when I think about some of the total strangers I paid for be at the wedding, when I had much, much closer friends I couldn't invite! Add to that, cards being stolen, I'm just beside myself with feelings of anger, sadness, loss. What's worse is being stuck in California still, just waiting to get back home to Florida to re-start my life. Thankfully, we are in our last month, and we're Florida bound soon.
I have cried every day, several times a day since my daughter's wedding a few weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I start?
Yes, Dad gets more than his fair share of attention on the day when he has been a little prick in more ways than one throughout her life.
His speech was good, I'll give him that. Shame it was written by someone else.
His family complained about the cost of the hen do, and about contributing to pay for the hen. Some couldn't even make the effort to come along even for a few hours. It wasn't expensive, well at least not compared to a 20 cigs a day habit, or lashings of make-up.
Guess who grabbed the best seats at the church? Yes, his family and his 2nd wife-in-waiting. (Still waiting, and it could be a while yet!). I wasn't even close enough to see my own daughter walk up the aisle.
Her chief bridesmaid seemed far too busy with her life with her obnoxious boyfriend and couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, so the hen-do was problematic. Guess who got an earful about that one?
I'm hardly in any photos - isn't it supposed to be the mother of the bride's day too? Ha ha ha to that one!
Unselfishly, I am really pleased that for her and her new husband the day went perfectly. I am just avoiding answering the phone to her, so that she doesn't know how upset I am.
I'm so glad I found this site, and that I'm not alone. My daughter's wedding was a few weeks ago.It was truly beautiful and many guests commented as such. The lack of one-on-one picture must be very common. The pictures I'm in I don't like at all, very critical of myself! I dwell on details that I should have done different...Real life problems-health issues,and a upcoming job lay-off, were easy to push aside and enjoy the moment-I'll deal with it after the wedding-well that's now! So that adds to my sadness,and feeling depressed.I am exhausted! So glad to know I'm not alone!! Bless all of you!
ReplyDeleteWow. So surprised and gratified that others are feeling this way. My daughter was married last weekend and it was beautiful. I am very happy with my son-in-law and everyone had a good time. I too am focusing on the little things that went wrong - many people did not pick up programs, many people did not sign the guest book...silly things. Mostly I am feeling blue...just blue. Hopefully this will lift soon.
ReplyDeleteI am the mother of the groom and the wedding was only five days ago, but I am experiencing the same nightmares, extreme fatigue, anxiety over little things that I recall. Yet the wedding was perfect and both my son and daughter in law looked extremely happy. I am extremely disappointed though in how I looked as I can see in the few photos from a few guests. extremely critical of myself and terrifed that the pro photos will be awful too, although in my opinion everyone else looks perfect. I'm having trouble sleeping and even eating since the rehearsal dinner! I found this site and think maybe this is normal?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was married this past weekend to her best friend. The wedding was beautiful, but it had its share of blunders (known to the brides parents). Maybe the imperfectness makes it perfect in a strange kind of way. There are things I wish were different, but I know I did the best I could with the time and energy I had. I do find myself obsessing over the blunders and wish I could move past it quickly. At the end of the day they were married and they are happy, that is all that matters. Currently, I find myself fighting to stay upbeat and not beat up by the process of letting go. As a stay at home Mom for over 20 years my life was focused on raising my children, now I find myself looking forward to recreating my life in some other meaningful way.
ReplyDeleteYes, my daughter was married 3 days ago and I can't stop crying and feel really resentful of my husband for his total inclusion in the wedding. Although I did 90% of the running around before the wedding,and took 100% of the flack, I felt totally left out on the day. The day was perfect for everyone else.Every time I see all the photographs of him in the car, the speech and the father of the bride dance, I sort of think "it should have been me". There are very few pictures, mostly taken by other guests and they are terrible of me. I didn't have time to get ready properly and feel I look a mess. I also feel guilty because I feel this way. We now have a coaster of her and her dad which says "my first love, father of the bride" and I feel like smashing it. Am I bitter and twisted? I haven't said anything to anyone else but feel so unloved. Anyway got to go now and take everything back and clear it all up. lol.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. You are not bitter and twisted, just very hurt. Although mums are invariably the ones involved in all the planning and running around before the wedding, tradition dictates that dads are usually the ones who are centre stage on the day. Its just even more gutting when the dads don't deserve that honour.
DeleteThat apart, maybe your daughter feels that she has replaced the main man in her life with her new husband, hence the wording on the coaster? Whereas you will always be the main woman in her life (unless she married a woman, in which case that argument fails!).
Be thankful that it wasn't an ex-husband in all the photos!
So thankful to find this… I now know I am not alone. My daughter got married this past Saturday. It was a destination wedding so I didn’t leave to drive home until yesterday. I have not stopped crying since! It was her birthday yesterday also and her and friends went off to continue the celebrations. I moved back from Maui 5 months ago (was there for 3+ years) to be able to participate in this wedding, as I have always been close to my daughters. That in itself has been a huge adjustment period for us all (I have a younger daughter and her and her sister are very close). I have spent many months trying to ingratiate my way back into my daughters lives (with success, but much effort) and also get to know his family (didn’t happen, no effort made on their part) so needless to say I felt a bit like an outsider before the wedding day. None of my few remaining side of the family was invited. My daughter wanted an intimate wedding with people who had been involved in their lives the past 8 years. My side of the family has some “issues” so when it was mentioned not to invite them, I agreed. Now this is part of my sadness and tears. I had no one there I was close to (other than daughters) and in addition faced what everyone is stating about the special treatments the Dad’s (my-ex) gets. Walking down aisle, First dance, toast, bridal party festivities) I felt invisible and isolated. “Odd man out”. Although I did all the flowers (I use to be a florist), my daughter didn’t gush over her bouquet and/or give any special thank you. My youngest daughter was the maid of honor and was relishing in her role (as she should) and considered any of my requests for her attention an annoyance. I too missed out on photos. I was so busy helping my daughter to get ready (and/or being in her way) that by the time family photos came I wasn’t ready. I had rushed back to my cabin to find her missing wedding vows and someone had to come get me to tell me I was missing out on photos. Side note: After spending a ridiculous amount of time to pick out just the right lipstick I couldn’t even find it. I didn’t have ANY lipstick on for the photos. The one photo I saw on FB that a friend of my daughters took … I look awful! Now as I write this I feel silly to go on and on, but isn’t this why we are here posting… to get out some of these feelings. My daughter hasn’t left for her honeymoon yet and I feel like calling her, because honestly she hasn’t given me any indication as to whether she even appreciated me being there. I know her sister and Dad are still basking in the glory of the weekend. (signed , sad mom who just wants to stop crying)
ReplyDeleteCan admin of this blog please remove this comment that I made? I can't find out how to do so on my own. I emailed ParentSharing@aol.com and the email bounced back. Thank you
DeleteI tried to get a post removed a while back, but failed too, Don't worry. the chances of it being read are probably slim. I doubt what you have said will come as a surprise to anyone anyway. The 'I didn't have ANY lipstick' comment amused me. I had to endure having to wear make-up on the day!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete3, 2017 at 12:09 PM
DeleteThank you for your lipstick comment. I am sitting here reading all the posts that could have easily come from me and crying my eyes out because I thought I was being selfish and selfcentered and that it is all my fault for feeling leftout and invisible as well as completly unappreciated for all my hard work and money spent,and then I got a little giggle over finding someone else who can accept the big things going unexpectadly but a simple task of finding your lipstick can be the lasst straw.
I missed my daughter's entire wedding even though I was there. No one asked me for a picture except one bridesmaid,and that wasn't even my other daughter.
I felt like the invisable wedding planner instead of any part of the family,and certainly not a friend.
I am so relieveb there are so many other mothers who feel the same way. Helps me to realize I am not the bad mom,or the selfish MOB we've all heard o,and that these feelings are normal,and ok
I AM SO RELIEVED that I found this thread! It is so amazing hearing SO MANY other MOBS feeling exactly the same way. Whew... you all articulated so much of what I've been feeling- and you're all correct in saying we can't share our true feelings with friends or family who want to reassure us in how amazing the day truly was. That's not the point though I never dreamed of feeling SO INVISIBLE on the day- something i couldn't have prepared for and I DIDN'T GET A PHOTO with my daughter either :(
DeleteI thought I was losing it. My daughter got married this past Saturday and it was a very nice wedding in so many ways. Why do I keep focusing on the negative when I'm generally not a negative person??
ReplyDeleteThe weather was horrible (rainy). Her reception was at a golf course country club and we planned to have pictures taken outside which would have been beautiful. Didn't happen :(
I feel like I was under water all day with my eyes open. I had photographers, videographers, bridesmaids and makeup guy here all day. By the time I finally rushed to get ready it was time for my daughter to leave for the church and I didn't get one picture of her with me at home. I am a picture fanatic and this breaks my heart. Wasn't in the video with her either. I kind of fluffed it off thinking that the photographer would surely take one of us at the reception. Didn't happen. She did get a family shot at church, but, that's just not the same. I wish I would have thought to ask her at reception, but, I didn't remember. I keep thinking she should have come to me. I will never get a redo of this day and it breaks my heart. I actually feel like I was present, but, not present if that makes any sense. I kept saying I was going to relax and enjoy the whole day and I just felt anxious and not present. :(
Thankfully, I've been getting a lot of positive feedback about the day from others. Now, I just need to let it go! Ugh!
I feel much the same as you. Was so busy with what was going on I forgot to make sure a photo was taken of just me and my daughter. Looking through all the photos on facebook there is no sign of me. Upsetting.
DeleteVERY UPSETTING! I started feeling angry with how much focus is on the BRIDESMAIDS only and not the parents or grandparents. I am sick of reading blog posts telling mothers to basically let your daughter have HER DAY.. well this is what happens.. we get 10000 photos with the bridesmaids and NONE of the mothers because we should just shut up and be invisible... I would love to hear what BRIDES think about having NO PHOTOS WITH THEIR MOTHERS.. especially ones who are 'SO CLOSE' TO THEM :( fEELING SO UPSET and discarded today after KILLING myself to give my daughter her dream wedding it's like I didn't exist.
DeleteI hope you are feeling a little better now.
DeleteMy daughter just got married a few days ago, and I feel like hell.
God bless you, and God bless me, and God bless all of us poor, angry, depressed mothers on this thread. 💖
It's so great to know that I am not alone. Everyone said the wedding was wonderful and 'I think' it was, but I was in the same realm as the previous MOB said (I actually feel like I was present, but, not present if that makes any sense. I kept saying I was going to relax and enjoy the whole day and I just felt anxious and not present.) My exact feelings. I kept wanting to relax, but felt guilty and thought I had to talk to everyone or they would be mad. I had no time to get ready myself (sounds selfish?), but I kept looking at my sisters and others and saw how beautiful their hair and makeup looked and mine looked terrible and I had no sleep. My daughter was very appreciative, and I'm sure she didn't notice the bags under my eyes. I'm focusing on that this was not my day even though you put your heart and soul into it and truly are a work horse it was not done for you, it was done for my daughter. My daughter was the happiest I have ever seen in my life. When I start feeling depressed, that thought pulls me through. Thank you all for your postings. It really helped.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's wedding was last weekend. It was a flight away and so the prospective in-laws did some of the arrangements together with my daughter and her fiance. They live and hour and a half from me together with their lovely little daughter. She had asked me if I would like to be with hr and her sister and 2 granddaughters to help them all dress. Great. When I got there though welcomed, I felt that I was only there to babysit. The bride apologised that she was not to wear the veil that I had made - the only contribution I was able to make through distance which made other things unworkable. Because of looking after the baby during the service, I didn't take my camera and depended on my 2nd husband taking them. I have just found that he took none of me at the wedding. We have one photo together. I have none in my total finery. He took many of his family (who are lovely and I get on sooo well with them) which I don;t begrudge but it comes after realizing that I have only one official picture wth my daughter, new husband and my husband. I have none with my children (son and other daughter) none with my bride daughter, none with the bridesmaids (other daughter and 2 granddaughters) and I feel soooo weepy about it. She asks me if I had a good time and I want to say that I wanted to cry through much of it because I felt so upset about so many things but I have to smile and say it was great. Like previous comments, I hope this dissatisfied feeling won't last. I'm up and down by the day. Crazy for there being a syndrome. I do hope the other mothers have got over it all. Prospective brides should actually read the comments on the site before their weddings!
ReplyDeleteCan anyone tell me if everyone videos thier wedding or am I the only mother of the bride that did not have this done ? I still feel so bad about this.
ReplyDeleteWe did not video either. I regret this too since I don't remember anything but the ceremony.
DeleteOh Dear, so this is normal and we wait for it to pass. Our daughter got married on Halloween this year. A week and a half later, I am still weepy and depressed. Honestly, she was the perfect bridezilla, living at home leading up to the wedding. It was her choice to make all the arrangements, the 23 year old, Modern Bride who "knows everything about planning a wedding". All her father and I did was write the checks upon request. Not being involved with the details, and get your head snapped off if you asked or tried to offer advice. Living nightmare that keeps haunting me since on the day of the wedding, it was My Job to make sure the venue was set, meet the caterers, etc. I too had 20 minutes to get ready. I dread seeing the pictures, just looked like a normal day. No, it's not about me, but it would have been nice to receive back "thank you mom and dad" for making her dream wedding possible with our hard earned money. I think those two things; no thank you and the $$$$ is what is bothering me most. It's over, can't redo or get it back, so I need to let it go. That new roof we need may have to wait another year. At least the house cries with me when it rains, laugh!
ReplyDeleteIt was a beautiful wedding, happened so fast, and would like to rewind and do again since I don't hardly remember the reception. MOB's, you are not alone. Let's chin up and do something nice for ourselves with our besties. Hugs to all and thanks for helping me understand I am not alone.
My youngest daughter (I have three) got married just this last Saturday. The wedding was a beautiful outdoor ceremony. The weather cooperated perfectly and the storm that was coming waited until Sunday to hit. I am so down and depressed and I can't seem to shake it. I don't remember feeling this way after my first daughter's wedding eleven years ago. I can't help but wonder why this is happening and if I will ever feel better.
ReplyDeleteVery appreciative of these expressed feelings. Our son got married a few days ago. He and his bride are both exceptional people and their wedding was beautiful, so sincere and completely genuine. As mother of the groom I was very involved in the preparations and in the actual wedding day. I worked hard to build a close relationship with my new daughter and it was going well. In the few days prior to the wedding I became very stressed over some family issues and responsibilities that became mine and shouldn't have. I really felt dumped on and taken for granted. Our son, neglected to mention his father and I in his speech and for some reason it hurt me so badly. He has withheld affection and any type of verbal affirmation from us and on this day, for some reason it just really hurt. He was openly adoring of his bride, and that made me happy, but as his mother I just wanted to hear him appreciate me a wee bit. Is that selfish? I was so busy at the reception that I didn't get time to eat. I wanted to have pictures with all those precious pictures and there are none. I wanted to look nice for him and have him be proud of me. The day after the wedding I crashed emotionally. I cried a lot. Just felt like I had lost him. I basically told him that, which was an emotional blunder. Now he, his bride and my husband are all angry with me. I cant take it back. I am not a selfish person at all but everyone thinks now that I am. It is because I give so much that I get drained, overloaded, feel hurt and do emotional things that I later regret. Please someone honestly tell me, am I a crazy selfish person?
ReplyDeleteI don't think there are many people who can handle emotional hurt without behaving just a little bit crazy. Legally, we do lose a part of our children when they get married, and that has an emotional impact, especially for mothers. I wonder what is so bad about us mothers being slightly crazy, and slightly selfish at this very emotional time. It's understandable. xx
DeleteHi to everyone who has made me realise I am normal! Since the wedding of our son two weeks ago, I have felt so empty. I adore our new daughter, have not got empty nest syndrome so its hard for my family to understand. The wedding was amazing and I was fortunate to be involved but nothing prepared me for the massive low when it was over. I guess I felt really needed with all the prep and that has gone. Can anyone tell me how long this feeling lasts.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, to everyone for sharing! My only daughter was married last Saturday, 5-14-16 and ever since I've been depressed.
ReplyDeleteI raised my two kids on my own, never married and I have no family to speak of. My daughter married into this huge family. 90% of the guests were from her fiancée's side of the family so I felt like an outsider at my own daughter's wedding.
I, too, was waiting to feel special. I did walk her down the aisle but I expected her to do something special for me to recognize all those years I put her needs before mine, worked two jobs to pay the bills, supported her through her college years, etc... something to recognize me, honor me, but at the end of the day, not only wasn't I recognized but at times I felt disrespected and ignored. Add to those feelings, I was sick throughout the festivities. I have a head cold or allergies and felt terrible but not once did she or anyone bother to check on me and my wellbeing.
I'm glad its over but have feelings of depression and loss of purpose. I do have a son who is younger but for his wedding I'll be in a different role. I want to talk to her about it but I realize that talking really isn't going to change what happened and I don't want to dampen her memories of her special day. I know she was happy with the day's events and thinks everything was perfect so I think it's best I don't say anything so it was nice to add my thoughts here and know that I'm not alone having these feelings. Thank you.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteOddly, I am thrilled and happy to find this site with so many other mopey MOBs! My daughter was married on Sunday, May 29. We are Eastern Orthodox and the ceremony in our church is ancient and lovely; my daughter was wearing the dress that I had sewn for her and she was lovely; the venue decorations, food, dancing and fellowship were all lovely. So, I've been wondering why I am feeling so blue. Reading the other posts, I think it must be precisely because it's all so very lovely and also so very exhausting--both emotionally and physically. I've had to smile reading what everyone has shared. So much of it seems to be universal. I've been dreading seeing the photos because not only had I lost ten lbs I did not need to in the stress of it all, but I also had only a few minutes to get myself ready:) I'm encouraged and inspired thanks to all of you. This too shall pass!
Hello all you Mothers of the Bride and Groom! Like all of you, we had a wonderful, beautiful wedding and our daughter was stunning. We had two ceremonies, one Catholic, one Hindu and both went relatively well, despite a few hiccups here and there. All in all, I expected that things would go wrong, or change and I was prepared for that. We even had 4 extra days after the wedding to recover, visit with family and sight see around beautiful Santa Barbara. We came home, got unpacked and enjoyed a beautiful Memorial Day Weekend in our beach town where we live. I felt tired, my legs weak, bloated, a little anxious yet happy, fulfilled and regaling all the wonderful details to anyone I could. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized that I must be suffering from some sort of PWSD (Post Wedding Stress Disorder). I literally feel deflated, have no energy, I'm depressed, have joint and muscle pain and using a lot of negative self talk about photos of myself. I did a lot of planning with my daughter from across the country and constantly had a to do list. I arranged for my parents who are 82 & 86 to travel with us, so that alone was a monumental effort to get them to/from LAX and in wheelchairs. I also arranged for a "Compound" of rentals that my family and my husband's family could rent, so that we could all be together and visit through out the wedding week. The places were beautiful, but the owner was a pain in the ass and showed up nearly every day to talk about one thing or another. I felt like everyone was hassled, and ultimately it was on me because I arranged it. Not one of my in laws thanked me for making those arrangements, yet everyone wants to complain about the experience. Not one time did someone treat me and my husband to a drink, a meal or give us any props for making it happen. (My parents and other family members did.) It is really good to know that I am not alone and admitting it is the first step to moving forward. Also, I am scheduling myself to get back to the gym when I leave work, so I feel like I am returning to doing something for myself. Thank you to everyone for your stories as they truly did help.
ReplyDeleteWanted to say that this can also impact the FOB too. Its the 'my little girl' thing I suppose. Best advice is to focus on your spouse, be patient with yourself and realize (like me) that your daughter is really happy and you got a great son. Move forward, and maybe limit the dwelling on the past. Take dance lessons with your spouse, have dinner with friends, reconnect with those who you may have neglected during wedding planning. I'm at two weeks and am finally feeling better. It will get better.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness I'm not crazy! My beautiful & only daughter got married this last weekend. I feel like a failure although the day went very well. The personal *hit* came, when people left early! We had shuttle buses and the wedding started at 5:00 p.m. The first shuttle left at 9:30..and the last one at 11:30 p.m. I was shocked to see my father & sister getting on the 9:30 p.m. bus! It really hurt! Our families live 600 miles apart and I not only thought they would be staying the whole night..but also to help me clean up. We had to have all our stuff gone that night. Even my daughter had to help pick up since nobody stayed to help. Not even the grooms family. I feel like a failed cause I didn't hire somebody to help us. I just thought "if everybody picked up something..we will be done in 10 minutes". Turns out that I was there till 1:30 a.m. with my husband and sons. The wedding party stayed as long as possible to help but they had to get on the bus too and leave. It was not good. I've been crying for the last 4 days. My reaction to feeling hurt and telling my sister and my dad how abandoned I felt, has caused a huge family fight. They are all mad at me, cause I'm reacting so hurt. They never said goodbye to me or nothing....I saw them getting on the bus...like they were sneaking away. I was shocked and hurt. How do I get over this?
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks after my daughter's wedding, I am sharing so many of the parental feelings all of you have shared. Thank you so much for making me feel less alone--I just hope I can come out of this soon. My daughter's wedding was at a winery, relatively small, but I worried about how families and friends would mix (she married someone from a foreign country) and my husband's and my families are from opposite worlds, as are many of our friends. I worried how people would get along All went well, with the major exception that it was very windy, and once the sun went down, it was very cold--we were in a geographical location in which people had actually worried it would be too hot--opposite problem occurred! The wind messed up people's hair for photos, and as the MOB, I look awful. My husband and I took a trip right after, which was a great thing to do--but now I can't get out of the blues. Thank you, everyone, for sharing---it really does help to understand that it's not just me!!! (my husband isn't feeling the same way at all and can't understand my depression).
ReplyDeleteMy only child got married last Saturday. The first day after my daughter's wedding, I was just exhausted and numb. The bottom dropped out the next day and I've been depressed, weepy, angry, fuzzy-headed, and talking out loud to myself while my husband's gone to work and I'm alone in the house. I am glad that the wedding is over. I would never go through this again. My daughter is 30 years old, never married, and was an unofficial wedding planner for some other bride in the past year. So,...of course she just knew she could plan, organize and execute her wedding with no problem. And for the most part, by golly, she did. She even had a spread-sheet for every (she thought) detail. She knew what she wanted - and I got to do "little jobs" - most at the very last minute, because she was also packing up and moving out of her apt. the week of the wedding, and working full=time, so the last minute stuff got crazy. But in all honesty, the wedding was great fun, she and he were so happy and the reception was awesome. So why am I so sad? Well, like almost every other MOB here, I have NO photo alone with my daughter. None. And I had really worked hard to look my very best for the wedding. And yes, I know it was her day, their day. There's a group/family shot, so I should be thankful for that. Hope I didn't blink. She had no time to speak privately with me in the Bridal room, where all the Bridesmaids were hanging out 4 hours before the wedding started, in and out with professional photos shoots. There was time. She just didn't want me in there. My presence was irritating to her, while she was all smiles with EVERYONE else. I felt like crap under her shoe. Is this a common theme, or just me? She's happily gone on their 2-week honeymoon, so it's all water under the bridge for her, if she even thinks of it. I am crushed, and feel I was there to play a role expected to be filled. But not truly wanted. I love my daughter and I love the dear man she married. I pray that they have a great marriage. But I'm tired of having a relationship with my daughter only on her terms. Now she is a wife and my role as Mom is gone. I wish there was a culturally accepted Name for me now that reflects this Mom-less state. I guess that sounds crazy, but I don't know where I can fit into her life. 'Useless' is how I feel. I recognize that this is grief. My husband, her step-father whom she despises, is now facing open-heart surgery in a few weeks, and we kept it from her, not wanting to put any
ReplyDeletedamper on the happy day. But I am tired. And I pray that God will see us through. By faith, He will. I just needed to vent. Thank you for this outlet. I sound like a selfish whiner, and who wants to hear it? Not my daughter, that's for sure. So, it's like writing in a diary - and Dear Diary can take it all and not condemn.
Aug. 10 Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYour role as mom will never be gone... and sometimes kids will take for granted, treat poorly on the surface those closest to them because they deep down know those same people will always be there for them. Seen it with my daughter and wife. I think you are underestimating how important it was for your daughter to be there with her. Talk to her and get it all out- it will be fine.
Hello, all!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kathy for sharing! I believe that you are indeed on to something. I truly believe that there is a special kind of situational depression that affects mothers of brides (and of grooms, too!) that can leave us feeling sick and either emotionally raw or emotionally numb.
Perhaps the depression that occurs in the aftermath of an adult child's wedding should merit inclusion in a future edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. This is not to say that what we are abnormal, and certainly not that we are in any way crazy, but that there needs to be a medically credible source of documentation on the reality of this special kind of pain many of us parents are suffering.
I will personally label the after wedding depression experienced by parents as "morning-after mourning mom (MAMM) syndrome." What I have read on symptoms of the syndrome is that the sadness is attributable to some unrealistic expectation on the mother's part, such as from loss and grief related to vain perfectionism (such as demonstrated over ceremonial details) or the folly of wanting your son or daughter to remain a dependent child forever.
Maybe for some parents, those rationales are true.
However, I suspect that for some, if not many mothers, post-wedding sadness could be the direct result of emotional wounds unintentionally inflicted upon us by our children. Perhaps the pain we feel is the pain of rejection and unrequited parental love and generosity. Perhaps our desire and efforts to give our children the very best of our family bounty and the very best of who we ourselves are has been misinterpreted by our children as interference or even manipulation. Perhaps our demonstrations of love and care are not fully understood, and will not be fully understood until our children become parents themselves.
I don't believe that the experience of "morning-after mourning mom (MAMM) syndrome" is always caused by a weakness or character flaw of the mother. Some children behave in woefully callous (albeit unintentionally hurtful) ways.
Perhaps the more we love our children the easier it is to feel deeply hurt when it appears that demonstrations of love have not been returned.
Very instructive in many ways...I'm a wedding photographer for close to 40 years who's son got married less than a week ago. It was a wonderful day(s) and I hope it bruoght happuness to all but I do feel all those emorions talked about here.
ReplyDeleteMy hope is to turn the negatives into learning experiences and to help others deal with the pain that such an intense family event can produce. I know there can never be a perfect event and if there was, would it be fun? The retouching is my sometimes cure, altering a sad face into a smile or taking a few pounds or years off. But of course, I know it's often beyond me.
Blessings to all and try to find and cherish the joy.
Very instructive in many ways...I'm a wedding photographer for close to 40 years who's son got married less than a week ago. It was a wonderful day(s) and I hope it brought happiness to all but I do feel all those emotions talked about here.
ReplyDeleteMy hope is to turn the negatives into learning experiences and to help others deal with the pain that such an intense family event can produce. I know there can never be a perfect event and if there was, would it be fun? The retouching is my sometimes cure, altering a sad face into a smile or taking a few pounds or years off. But of course, I know it's often beyond me.
Blessings to all and try to find and cherish the joy.
I am so thankful I found this site. I have not been comfortable sharing my feelings with anyone for fear of their comments. Our daughter was married this past Saturday. I have had no desire to unpack and put things away. I have been on the couch since we came home 4 days ago. I have taken a couple of naps each day and still been able to sleep most of the night. It's not like me. I am truly exhausted and a little sad. Reading others stories has helped me to know I'm not alone and that if any of my friends go through this I can tell them they are not crazy. Our daughter lives a 3 hour drive away. She had her wedding planned for the most part before he even proposed. She wanted me to be her maid of honor but I talked her in to having her cousin/best friend do it. Worked out great. Her father and I walked her down the isle. She honored both grooms parents and us. Very special! We talked almost every day during the 5 months of planning. She asked her dad to do a father daughter dance. WAY out of his comfort zone. But he did it. Everything went well. Had a wonderful time and was told so by many guests. The issue I can't get past is that I was left out of a change of plans. After they were announced Mr and Mrs and walked down the isle, they were supposed to get on a 4 wheeler and ride straight over to the reception area for pictures and greeting guests. Instead they disappeared for an hour. As it turns out everyone in the wedding party knew but my husband and I. When I asked why they were not back yet I was rudely informed they were having a moment and to chill, and they would be back soon. When I found out later what really happened and shared it with my daughter,she apologized for not letting me know but also informed me it was her day after all. Not sure how I'm feeling about that. Her dad got upset when I told him about it days later. I know I have to work through it and move on. Just not sure how. Forgot to say they went with the grooms sister to take pictures. She is a photographer. She never had the wedding party get together for pictures or have my husband and I do pictures with them. Bummed about that too. Missed opportunites. I was the go to person for most everything so I was very distracted. There are so many positive things to dwell on but here I am, stuck. Thanks again to all of you for your stories. This has been helpful.
ReplyDeleteFeeling some regret from my post. I doubt anyone from the wedding will read this, but incase you do, please know I'm not a mean person. I would never want to hurt any person's feelings over this. I have since found out that the picture situation happened on a whim. Not planned. I'm understanding of that and over it. Looking forward to seeing the pictures. The guests were understanding. Everyone is happy. I truly think that exhaustion caused a lot of my upset feelings. I'm back to my old self. Happy!
ReplyDeleteI have never blogged anything before. I guess I just needed to vent. Wish I would have thought it through. Again, I'm sorry if anyone from the wedding reads this and is offended. I hope you can understand where I was coming from.
Did anyone feel sadness leading up to the wedding? My daughter will be getting married early next year, and I am finding myself feeling all of the things everyone is describing. I was very blindsided by these feelings. I am happy for my daughter and like the guy she is marrying, but I find myself feeling rejected and even a bit jealous at times when she gushes about how wonderful her future mother in law is. Really, someone should write a book about the emotions one goes through when your child is getting married. Thank you for the posts here, as they have helped me to understand that what I am feeling is probably normal (although I'm feeling it before the wedding!).
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ReplyDeleteMy daughter's wedding was just a few days ago. It was a fantastic day but I like many others feel very tearful about it. I am sad because I never had a photo with just me and my daughter, nor did I have one with just me and my husband. I am also sad that most of my morning was spent making sure grandmothers were happy (although my mother in law is never happy) and I had just a few minutes to get ready. My husband had some beautiful photos with my daughter. I feel really left out.
ReplyDeleteAgain like all before since 2013. Im very depressed. No photos except the worst fat photo with all the family, no mother daughter photo, my ex husband who contributed nothing had heaps of pic, my current husband and myself paid for over half, grooms family just showed up, i took on all the stress and planning (and she took all her ungraciousness out on me). The next day she went to her new grandparent in laws and gave the a lovely bunch of reception flowers; yet lrft my wood board that i had made the cake on. I feel so unappreciated by the whole event. She kept grabbing friends and her father for photo booth again didnt even approach me all night. I feel like i want to withdraw that some sort of mother daughter code is broken. How do you recover. Thanks for this site and other mothers who have had thier hearts broken too.
ReplyDeletesoooooooo..... what did you all do to recover?
ReplyDeleteTime helps. Hindsight is 20/20 of course. I would have done so much differently! I just got busy doing other things and then it seemed to ease off. But...I was fortunate cause I had a wonderful photographer and had wonderful pictures etc. But...I don't want to fall into the same trap this year with my sons wedding...that I did with my family last year. I ate my feelings and now have gained 20 lbs. NOW...my son is getting married in June. I need to learn from my daughters wedding and not set myself up for family disappointments. But MOB has no organization skills and they already have 950 people on the guest list. I need to pull my shit together or I will be super depressed about being so heavy. I will not rely on family this time!
ReplyDeleteI never expected to feel like this after the wedding. When my daughter became engaged then I felt the same way. The main issue then was that she was getting married and settling down so far away from us. She is an only daughter and I had always hope that someday she would come and live nearer to us. There is absolutely no chance that he would ever live elsewhere. He has been born and brought up in that area, his family are all there and there is no way he would leave that area far less his family. I thought I had come to terms with it but clearly I haven't. We would have liked the wedding to be held in our village church but no. It had to be the grooms choice of church but as far as I can see they have very little church connections. Thankfully we managed to get a family friend who is a minister to officiates at the ceremony. My daughter just could not understand the importance of the Mother of the Bride. Very early on in the preparation stages we were looking for a photographer and we met with one chap who emphasised the importance of photographing the MoB when arriving at the church and I was really pleased with that. My daughter seemed quite keen on this photographer before we met him because he had been recommended by a friend but immediately after the meeting she just said she wasn't having him. We found another one and I left the finer details for my daughter to sort out. The end result is that there is no photo of me either on my own arriving at the church, with the bride or with my husband. We both did our best to look good on the day and now there isn't even a photograph. We are in group photographs but nothing special. My Husband was 'given his place' with walking our daughter down the aisle and a dance but I was treated like any other guest. I suppose I should be grateful to have had a seat at the top table. The grooms parents paid for about 1% and we paid the remainder. But you wouldn't think so. They were not backward at making demands. Wanting this and that.Then at the end of the wedding the grooms family went and thanked the grooms mother for the wedding. I was sitting at the same table at the time. They never even looked at me far less thank me and the grooms mother never even pointed out that I should be getting thanked too. The groom's mother has just written to thank us for the 'time, effort and love' that we put in to making the wedding! Who does she think paid the money that they obviously don't have? I had always looked forward to giving our daughter the wedding that she always wanted now I really wish that we hadn't bothered. Just ended up feeling like a cash cow. We were made to feel so much more special at our son's wedding and we didn't have to pay a penny towards it
ReplyDeleteNEVER gave a thought to the possibility that I would experience depression after my daughters wedding. It hit me like a ton of bricks the afternoon after the wedding. I guess I was too tired to feel anything the evening after the wedding what with the clean up and all. I was really sad to see the back drop come down that we had worked so hard on. I had experienced PPD after the birth of our third child and this began to feel very similar. Sunday I was exausted and bored and just wanted to cry. Monday I did cry almost all day. Tuesday I thought a trip to town with my son would help and it did for a while but I had a major melt down when I got home. By Wednesday I was on the verge of a panic attack all day. TIME TO CALL THE DR. I have taken meds for the past 10 years for depression so it was really scaring me that I was feeling so awful and I was already medicated! He reassured me that this was common and that he didn't expect it to be a major set back. After a few days of xanax to keep the panic at bay I am feeling better. Took me totally by surprise. I had been so busy planning and marking time by the wedding that after it was over I felt like, "OK, what do I do now?" I felt like I was losing my sense of purpose even though I still have a 12 yr old at home. Staying busy and planning for new projects has helped a lot.
ReplyDeleteNEVER gave a thought to the possibility that I would experience depression after my daughters wedding. It hit me like a ton of bricks the afternoon after the wedding. I guess I was too tired to feel anything the evening after the wedding what with the clean up and all. I was really sad to see the back drop come down that we had worked so hard on. I had experienced PPD after the birth of our third child and this began to feel very similar. Sunday I was exausted and bored and just wanted to cry. Monday I did cry almost all day. Tuesday I thought a trip to town with my son would help and it did for a while but I had a major melt down when I got home. By Wednesday I was on the verge of a panic attack all day. TIME TO CALL THE DR. I have taken meds for the past 10 years for depression so it was really scaring me that I was feeling so awful and I was already medicated! He reassured me that this was common and that he didn't expect it to be a major set back. After a few days of xanax to keep the panic at bay I am feeling better. Took me totally by surprise. I had been so busy planning and marking time by the wedding that after it was over I felt like, "OK, what do I do now?" I felt like I was losing my sense of purpose even though I still have a 12 yr old at home. Staying busy and planning for new projects has helped a lot.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful I found this page. Yes my daughter married weeks ago and I too am lost? I too only see what went wrong on that beautiful day. My husband and son say to move on, but as you all experienced - this was a year of daily of planning. And - can you believe, the parents of the groom never EVER called or sent a note to say what a lovely day we had - not even "your daughter looked beautiful" or "my friends had a lovely time". And yes, we too paid for the affair of 200+. I still can't get over this - don't you always call to say what a lovely time you had - I call after I go to a friends house for a casual dinner! What's up with this? So what now? I've been cleaning and packing up her room ..very overwhelming. Still thinking of what to do next.
ReplyDeleteand why can't i remember the party????? just bits and pieces???
DeleteI'm so thankful I found this site before my daughter's wedding, which was 2 days ago! I made sure we had mother-daughter pictures taken! Unfortunately, my husband didn't have a picture with her, although there a a couple beautiful snapshots during the father-daughter dance. I, too, am feeling weepy. I feel such a sense of loss when I walk into her room, knowing she'll never live with us again. I felt the same when she first left for college, but at least then it wasn't forever. I know this is what is supposed to happen with our children. (We really don't want them living in the basement.) But it's so hard! Add to that the fact that in a few months, she and her wonderful husband will move to the other side of the world, and I'm already feeling the loss. He's a wonderful man, she's very happy, and I'm happy for her, but feeling a little sorry for me.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter married her best friend on 9/2. i became momzilla in my quest for everything to be perfect and it mostly was, however, as a planner it was irritating to see small things that didnt go as planned but in some cases things worked out for the better.
ReplyDeleteAnd what I am finding is I am crying looking at the videos and photos. I have had a difficult marriage and I think my disappointments in my marriage have been illuminated by how wonderful my daughter and her husband are with each other. So that sadness coupled with feeling like driftwood has me realizing that I am depressed. I dont really know how to get out of this funk.
I have been a hands on mother for so many years, its a struggle to let go, step back and find a direction for this phase of my life.
in my mind I have great plans for going back to school for art that i abandoned years ago, to starting a new business, since i did all the flowers for the entire wedding party and centerpieces, to rave reviews I might add. I just cant seem to get it together. I am my regular self on the outside, but inside and when i am alone, the tears are frequent.... I need to get it together!!!
My daughter was married in September. My husband and I live 550 miles from the wedding site; my daughter’s in-laws live just 5 miles away. My daughter and her mother-in-law did most of the planning. I, for the most part, was kept informed about what was going on, but I didn’t have a say in any of the major decisions. I now realize that no mother/daughter pictures were taken, and I am devastated. There is no fix to this predicament, so I don’t know how to get over it. My husband walked my daughter down the aisle and he had his father/daughter dance with her, so there will at least be those pictures of the two of them. The mother of the groom got her mother/son dance, and there are also other pictures of the groom with his parents. I feel like I was just an invited guest, with no special role in the wedding.
ReplyDeleteWow - nice to know one isn't alone. I was feeling a bit guilty because I am so sad. I have been holding it in but feel like I can cry at the drop of a dime. I can't even remember the last time I cried. My tale is like most above - my daughter was just married. Nothing special about MOB except for a lot of work. My husband and I paid for the wedding with the exception of a few items. No picture of her and I - it was all so rushed even with planning - we didn't spend much time together at the event. Oh well - lessons learned I think once I get a good cry out I may feel better. Holidays are coming.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful I found this post. My son was married a few days ago. I'm a born-again Christian, believer and pastor. I cannot believe how emotionally drained I am. At first my mom and sister were not invited. That just tore me apart. They were later invited, but declined. I was never told the details of the wedding so I, also, felt not part of things. My son didn't answer my questions or openly share things with me so I feel so depressed. I am praying and trusting God to heal this brokeness, as it is so painful for me. I feel guilty of feeling so horrible. I have a beautiful new daughter-in-love and I love her family. This is so hard on me. Just remember to put your trust in the Lord.
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful, sweet, only daughter got married on Saturday. Everything went well and my girl was so good to me, including me with bridal party activities, having photos taken of us together and giving me a heart bracelet on her wedding day. I was off yesterday and cried most of the day, made it through work today but havent stopped crying since I got home. Iam so glad I found that others are feeling the same way. I feel selfish because my daughter has never been happier and her new husband is wonderful. I feel like the last months have been so busy and spending this time together with my daughter was something I dont want to end as it feels good as a mom to be needed. Since she hasnt lived with us for about a year I had no idea that I would feel like this. It helps to know that we're not alone and that this is just a part of being mom's who adore our kids. Hopefully this sadness passes quickly and we can get on with enjoying life.
ReplyDeleteSo glad I found this site. Wedding was Saturday (4 days ago) and I am just so weepy. It was a wonderfully fun wedding. My daughter was especially appreciative and thoughtful. But I can't shake off what went wrong -- one taco cart when we paid for 2 so the guests waited up to 30 minutes standing in line, disastrous next day brunch where they kept running out of food and the 'outdoor patio for 60' was more of a side yard for 30. I was at Pilates tonight and it took everything I had not to burst out crying when the music turned sad for the ending stretches. I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow but I really don't want to even though I know it may help me snap out of this although I think I'm supposed to go through this sadness. It's made me realize that weddings are more significant than I thought. It does mark an ending to a particular point in motherhood and the beginning of a slightly different chapter. She's still my daughter but she's also someone else's wife. And I think it's okay to grieve that change. Because I think that's at the core of what I'm feeling. In retrospect I realize that the level of intensity we had planning the wedding may be an integral part to transform her from daughter to wife ... even though she will always be my daughter, it's a significant milestone in both of our lives and has created a sadness that I was not expecting.
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ReplyDeleteMy daughter was married yesterday,4/12/2019. I've cried for weeks. She's 28, and this is her 2nd marriage, first big wedding. She has 1 daughter from her previous marriage, and a 2nd daughter with her current husband who is 43. We've always been a close family. My oldest granddaughter spent many weekends with me. It's been over 6 months since the babies have been to spend time here. She lives 20 minutes away. My heart just keeps breaking. My mom and my daughter are extremely close as well. Or were. My daughter picked out a wedding dress several years ago, we all went together. My mom purchased the dress for her and has kept it put up. Her now husband, didnt want her to wear the dress she had already, because it was bought before they were together. When she and her bridesmaid and maid of honor went to pick out their dresses, she told me and grandmother afterwards. Of course we were both upset. She told me I could go with her to pick out her dress, this was in January. In February I asked her about her wedding dress again and got no response, to only find out through my mother at the beginning of April - she already had her dress. She picked it out in December and picked it up in February. I didn't even SEE a picture of the dress until 3 days before the wedding. She asked me about catering, I gave her several names but she decided to go with the ones her now husband picked. I understand they are together and make decisions together etc. Shes grown and I want her to be happy. She is 28 and he is 43. Since their child was born, all of a sudden according to him we are not "good enough" our houses aren't nice enough. She owned her own mobile home, but it was trashy in his eyes. So he got his parents to purchase a house in their names, though he does pay for it. I could go on. Basically besides the catering aspect, I was left out of everything. I went with my mom to purchase my dress. My mom was to make the wedding cake, she was allowed to use the topper and decorations that we've gathered over the years. Just not the dress. The maid of honor, did NOTHING. All the arrangements had to be made at the last minute by my mom. (Shes much more creative than me) Her dad and his wife flew in from out of state, and he walked her down the aisle. I got to help with a few things at the wedding, but some stuff was just staged by the photographer to make it LOOK like I was more involved. My youngest daughter did everyone's makeup. And everyone did each other's hair. Except mine. We didnt have TIME to do anything with mine. My only real part in the wedding was to go live on Facebook, so her out of state family could see and help watch the babies. The father of the groom did the ceremony, after which they only time he spoke to me, he was rude. I was SHOCKED, but didnt say anything. Even now she doesn't know. She told me the day before the wedding she had asked the DJ to play a special song for me, that didnt happen. She did her first dance with her new husband, then her father. Then the DJ played songs for her husband to dance with his mother and both his grown daughters. I'm so Hurt. My mom is hurt.The wedding and reception was beautiful for my daughter, as once again we filled In where we were allowed and needed at the last minute.
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm shocked but somewhat relieved to find that post wedding blues is actually a thing. For those that have had hurt feelings, it is completely understandable, but as a mother who has had a good relationship with her daughter, this has caught me completely off guard. Sure, we had some stressful moments during the 10 planning months, but the day of the wedding there wasn't one drop of drama. The only thing I wish I could change would be to add more hours to the day. It all went by in a flash. Especially the getting ready part. I wish it had been more relaxed and time to just enjoy one another, but we had a timeline to stick to. How I wish we could do the day all over again. Like many of you have mentioned, I too find myself nit picking the small stuff that didn't go right that no one else would know. The bride and groom were supposed to be announced at the reception as they stood on a balcony over looking the reception hall. It was going to be so beautiful and fairytale like, but they had to alter the plan at the last minute because the videographer was standing there instead. The photographer didn't use the shot list we spent so much time typing up, and therefore a lot of the special shots we wanted didn't happen. Because we were running behind schedule getting ready, my daughter's veil was quickly put on by someone besides me, which was a huge disappointment. All in all, it was such a beautiful day. The weather and the venue and the ceremony couldn't have been more beautiful. Why can't I just let these little things go? I find myself dwelling on them to the point of not being able to move on with my life. I will add too that towards the last few weeks leading up to the wedding, I was becoming worn out of all the wedding chores/errands, that I started to say to myself "I can't wait for this all to be over". Now I feel a tremendous guilt over feeling that way and I wish it was not over. Planning this wedding had become my full time job. We recently moved in to a new home, so there is plenty for me to do and plenty I had planned to do once the wedding was over, trouble is, I no longer feel motivated to do anything.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a blessing to have found this blog post. My daughter with Cerebral Palsy whom is 29 got married three weeks ago. My SIL also has Cerebral Palsy. They were gone for a week for a honeymoon and in spite of returning to work, I scrambled to get things done but now am just too exhausted to finish it. I am 59, out of shape, struggle with depression and other pain causing health ailments. It was sheer prayer and adrenaline that helped me with months of planning and a beautiful event but now I just want to cry. The new couple will live with us for what hopefully isn’t more than a couple years because as bad as that makes me feel, I am tired to the bone. My oldest of 5 daughters is 40 and I have been parenting forever. Right after the wedding my husband had Achilles repair surgery so I am trying to make sure 3 adults, besides myself are fed and okay. My husband is up on his crutches doing more than he should but I just want to run away. These posts make me realize that I am more than justified and “normal” in my whining. I hope someone sees this as I really need encouragement.
ReplyDeleteWell, ladies....someone mentioned post wedding depression to me last night. I'd never heard of it but it's obviously a real issue. We're coming up on 4 wks since the wedding. I gave myself 2 weeks afterward to rest because I tend to get a migraine 2 wks after a stressful time. But I have been obsessing over the things that went wrong, feeling like a failure because I got so stressed out during set up that both my son and daughter were "talking me in off the ledge". Quite a role reversal since I've been the one talking my daughter back in her whole life. I wanted to get a lot of candid shots of the attendees for the couple because I know how fast the reception goes and you feel like you didn't see a lot of the people. I got a few but got involved with trying to enjoy the evening and deescalate as much as possible. I've been beating myself up that I didn't do a speech or toast. I had asked my daughter for permission to share something and she didnt give it and I couldnt think of anything else to say. I, too, only had a half hr to get ready and was afraid I'd look bedraggled and tired. I didnt have a dress until 6 days before the wedding - long story. Only got the shoes 2 days before. I hadnt even had time to make sure about the hem length and that I'd be able to walk in the dress. So much unnecessary stress that I had very much hoped to avoid. I had tried to organize everything well so set up would go quickly and smoothly but it took forever with multiple changes to the planned layout required. But, the wedding and reception ended up going well; the cold front moved out right on time so the weather was wonderful and both the bride and groom were very happy with everything. My daughter has been extremely appreciative of all my efforts during the planning and execution of the event so that is very nice. My heart goes out to those who haven't been shown that!! So painful!! So I couldn't understand my depression in the weeks that have followed. My daughter has always needed me a lot and I have been very happy that her husband was going to take over the job. But while they've been on their 3 week honeymoon in Eastern Europe, I've been feeling directionless, alone, unloved and unable to restart what there is of my life. Its terrible to say, but I'm jealous of both of my kids. I'm so very, very happy for them that they have found love with wonderful, very compatible people, but I have wanted that above all else in my life and failed to find it. Their happiness highlights the emptiness of my life. I wish someone had warned me about the downward spiral of emotions connected to your daughter's wedding so I could have had a chance to try to prepare for it. Does it happen when your son gets married, too? If so, I have that to look forward to next year. "Ages and stages" doesn't just apply to our children. My prayers for comfort for us all, that we will be able to forgive our daughters for pain inflicted, intentional or not, forgive ourselves our perceived or actual shortcomings, blessings on the new marriages and healing and unity in our families moving forward.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I found this site. My daughter was married this past Saturday. I had been planning this for over a year. While everyone told me the ceremony was beautiful, I, like most here, focused on the things that I know went wrong. The groom's mother went out of her way to make things difficult. I planned out a song to have the grandparents walk into. I wanted to give them a place of honor in the ceremony. The groom's mother and I spoke about all of this at the rehearsal and she knew how things were supposed to go. Day of, she seats her mother way before the ceremony and tells me "she's fine where she is". I shrugged it off and told the usher (my son) not to worry about it. My son was supposed to usher the groom's mother down the aisle and up to the unity candle. When he went over to escort her, she was rude and said I'll just walk myself! She then proceeds to stop, grab her ex husband and take him up to the unity candle with her. That would not have bothered me except they light the WRONG candle and as I am being ushered in to a very special song to me and my daughter, the grooms father runs up to the candle, blows out the middle one, and bounds down the steps past me. I know this probably sounds petty but the only thing that I wanted for me was to have that moment and that song. Ruined.... The lady that I had in the back to coordinate the wedding party walking in sent everyone in too fast so that song got cut off also. The rest of the ceremony was beautiful and my daughter was radiant. The groom's family were really critical of everything about the reception from the food served, to when things were done. The mother of the groom complained that she had not been included in the planning to anyone who would listen (I tried numerous times to include her only to be ignored) and then left without even a word to either myself or my husband. All the complainers never offered to help with anything, were not there to help set everything up and left long before the work of tearing everything down began. The bride and groom were oblivious to this and I'm glad. My daughter's new husband is a gem and we love him very much. Now that it's over, I find that I am weepy, tired and have a complete loss of purpose. I hope that this goes away soon!
DeleteI keep obsessing on the small things that went wrong. I did not get a photo of me and my husband, the tiny mistakes in my toast, where was I when it was time to help my daughter get changed and someone else got to help her. I lost 15 lbs for the wedding to look slender in my dress. Then the morning of the wedding day, I decided to get an IV drip of vitamins and hydration and as the day progresses, I start to bloat and my dress barely even fit. That morning, I tried it on and I looked amazing and then I messed it all up and look like a COW.I am embarrassed I was walking around like a stuffed sausage and I look horrible in the pics. I can't stop hating myself for what I did. And I feel underappreciated. After all I contributed, I did not have a corsage or a thank you note or a gift although I wasn't expecting anything. I am just disappointed and confused on how I am feeling. Sad, exhausted, can't sleep and I want (wanted) some extra attention, I guess. I asked the photographer if she could photoshop me in the pics and I feel selfish now. No one cares what the MOTB looks like but I am sick at how horrible I looked and felt that day.
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing site. Thank you for all of the wonderful insights. My daughter was married 2 days ago. I tried so hard to enjoy the moment but could not find the joy. This site has helped me really understand why. I was complimented by everyone but my daughter who was annoyed by all of my attempts to help. Of the 4 parents all had a small part except me. No requests for a special photo with me. She only spoke to me when she needed something. So many guests said how sweet she was, in my mind I thought yes to all but me. I knew after all was finished her and her new husband who we adore would thank us for our efforts privately and they did. The words under appreciated and not publicly honored does hurt. This obviously contributes to the depressed joyless feeling. Hope it goes away soon. Does this also happen with the baby shower after the first grandchild is born? She lives very close to the in-laws and I fear I will always be the outsider. I hate having to pretend to be happy when I feel so sad with a heavy heart.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. It sounds like we are experiencing similar situations. My daughter seemed angry at me throughout the wedding. I also helped her alot...feeling like I did too much for her. I am trying to back off and hopefully things resolve.
DeleteGreat topic. My daughter was just married on Saturday and the next day I dropped her a text saying that I was just sad and feeling like we wouldnt see them as much now. I jokingly said that I thought it was the last name change and was just feeling emotional. My daughter became angry at my text and said that I was not respecting her boundaries. She is no longer speaking to my husband and I. We were a huge support for the wedding, both financially and otherwise. We are so heartbroken and confused. Any one else experience this? Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your daughter had this reaction. I hope that it is because she is feeling lots of different emotions since the wedding herself. I hope it blows over. My daughter got married in September and I am still trying to recover from the blues and feeling invisible and left out. I feel no sense of purpose as so many have said before in this blog. I never expected to have this reaction. I hope all these feelings fade and that you can resume a happy relationship with your daughter.
DeleteThis is all so helpful. My daughter was married on February 3, 2023. It was a long time coming, as they had dated all through high school and college and then she moved home for the ten months before the wedding. It wasn't always pleasant and we thought we couldn't wait for it to be over. Now it is and I don't know what to do. She bought a house 15 minutes away but I don't know how much to text or visit. Her husband is not keen on us, even though we've been helpful, supportive and generous.
ReplyDeleteI too feel weepy, bored and listless. I don't know if I need meds, a new job or what. I am anxious yet tired...not interested in anything. I am going to see a counselor next week. I don't know if I should try to talk things through with my son-in-law or if that would be worse. Many say just be yourself and it takes time.
Meanwhile it feels like the life has been sucked out of our house and nothing is going on and there's nothing to do. We figured out how to pay for everything and the purchases of the wedding day are now on this months credit cards yet they have never asked how much it all really cost in the end. It feels like they have moved on yet we have a huge void.
Where are some of you now?
Also, what do you do with their empty room? And my refrigerator seems so empty without her food (smoothies). I can hardly shop.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found this group. My daughter was married 2 days ago. I planned with her for over a year. We had a wedding planner. There are very few candid shots of me period. Lots with her and her dad. No pictures of me and my husband together. I didn't get to dance with my husband. My daughter had a wonderful day with one hiccup of a replacement dj as ours got sick who didn't know us or what we liked. Never played a slow song. Did not work the crowd like the one we had hired. Sunday I was exhausted. Today I have been depressed and cried. I hope this ends soon.
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