How to Talk to Our Children about Deadly Weather Events Like the Joplin Tornado

Whether it's a deadly tornado, hurricane or flooding, weather events of the magnitude of the tornados that hit Joplin and the Midwest strike fear in all of us including our children. We are drawn to watching the news stories on these weather events 24/7. Be aware of the effect that watching these stories is having on not only you but your children. It may be difficult to talk to your children about these situations because you may be feeling as if you have no control over whether it could happen to you. Make peace with your emotions before addressing these stories with your children, but don't wait too long. The fear that your chiild is feeling may be growing with each hour that passes.

Focus your discussion on the way that family, friends and strangers are lending a hand to help out. If you are so inclined perhaps you and your child could gather things that will help in the relief effort or pray together for the victims and the survivors.

Include some discussion about what your family would do if a storm was headed your way. Maybe even taking the time to do a practice drill like they do in the schools. Living in Florida has taught me that it is very important to be prepared for a weather event. People tend to become complacent about these storms when we go years without a major hit. Many people were caught by surprise when we were hit by three hurricanes in less than a month in the summer of 2004. My family takes time each year to collect water, batteries, can food, candles and have a filled tank for our grill. Some people believe that preparing causes children to become anxious but I believe that it is just the opposite. Being prepared gives us all a sense that we can have some control over surviving these weather events.

Focus on the coming together of family, friends and stranger lending a hand the generosity of strangers

STDs and Birth Control: Don't Skip Talking about these Important and Uncomfortable Issues with Your Children

STDs and birth control may be two topics that you may not want to talk to your children about because they are "your babies" after all and always will be. When you begin to feel uncomfortable about talking to your children about these topics keep in mind that providing your children with the most up to date information may keep them from acquiring a disease whose ramifications may last their entire life, or dealing with an unwanted pregnancy at too young of an age.

Make sure that you do your research from reputable sites before taking on these topics with your children. New information about STDs and better methods of birth control are popping up in the medical community all the time. You want your children to learn about these things from you rather than from the less than accurate information that they get from their friends.

Mother's Sick Day....Yeah Right

This morning I woke up feeling quite queasy and began thinking about what I did when I was feeling sick and my children were very young. I couldn’t close my bedroom door and leave them to fend for themselves and I didn’t want them to be hovering around while I was getting sick. Mothers don’t seem to be able to take the day off, even when they are spending it hugging the toilet. What do you do with the children when you are sick? Best option would be to swap times with a friend who has children of similar age. This works really well whether it is that you are sick or just in need of a mental health day. If this option is not possible, a little pre-planning will go a long way to speeding up your recovery. I had a box in my closet with some fun activities that the children could do that didn’t require my constant attention. Learn from my mistake, there shouldn’t be any Play dough or paint in this box. Things that I included were: a DVD of a favorite movie (keeping it in the box will ensure that they have not seen it in awhile), a set of washable markers for each child and a stack of paper, etch-a-sketch, and some toys that have been hidden away so they haven’t played with them in a while.
Another idea that I used when I was experiencing “all day” sickness during my second pregnancy, was to have my husband prepare lunch for my son, including pouring the drink, and placing it all on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. Since even looking at a picture of food sent me running for the bathroom, my two and a half year old son would open the refrigerator and pull out his lunch. Make sure that the plate is not breakable. My favorite things to use were those really sturdy plastic plates because then he could clean up to.

When Your Children Make a Sexual Choice Outside Your Comfort Zone

What to do if your child shares with you that they are Homosexual, Transexual, Transgender or any other choice that is considered outside of the social norm when it comes to sexuality? First and foremost this is not a decision that your child has come to lightly. I don't believe that individuals make choices that will cause them difficulty in life unless that is who they are. This is not a post on trying to sway your opinion one way or the other about a sexual choice that your child has made, it is just some thoughts about your reaction to this news. Please consider what you may miss out on if you sever ties with your child if they have made a sexual choice that you believe to be morally or spiritually wrong. You may never have the opportunity to meet and have a relationship with your Grandchildren, you may find yourself completely alone in your golden years and you may find that you regret the loss of the close relationship you and your child once shared. Please take some time to think about the consequences of your reaction to this news, before you react. Your reaction may have long lasting effects to this very important relationship. In closing this post, I feel compelled to address the strong religious views on this topic. God and Jesus (or whomever you choose as your Higher Being)love us unconditionally no matter what we have done. He has entrusted us as parents to care for our children while they are here on Earth and I don't believe that He would want us to throw away this responsibility and stand in judgement over our children just because of a decision that they have made. "He without sin cast the first stone". I don't know about you, but I certainly have no right to cast any stones.

In a video interview that Cher did with The Advocate, she had these words of wisdom for those parents dealing with a child who is undergoing a sex change.
"Take it slowly. There are so many feelings that come up and most of them are difficult. And you go through a lot of changes, just as Chaz was going through whatever her changes were," Cher says. "One time I called, and she obviously had forgotten to change her voicemail, and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's probably the last time I'm going to hear the voice I've known my whole life.' There are small things you take for granted. It took a long time for me to know, this is the same person I've known my whole life."

A Great Idea for Teaching the Value of Money to Very Young Children

I came upon a great idea for teaching your young children about the value of money at a charity garage sale that I was hosting. I noticed that these two little twin boys who could not have been older than three were each holding a small jar with change in it. As they found treasures at the sale, they brought them over to their mother to see if they had enough money to purchase them. I couldn’t help but notice that one of the boys wanted to purchase a DVD, but he was ten cents short. Just as I was about to say that I would knock the price down, the mother shook her head at me and told him that maybe he could save his money this week and buy a DVD next weekend. Kudos to this Mom for not giving in and letting him have it, and shame on me for trying to bend her rules. She told me that throughout the week each of her children had the opportunity to earn money that they could use when they went to Garage Sales over the weekend. What a great lesson she was teaching her children. They were learning all about the value of money even before they knew how to count it. Maybe in this “gimmie” society, we could all learn a thing or two from this lesson.

Planking and Other Thrill Seeking Behavior in Your Teen or Twenty Something Child

The latest thrill seeking activity to hit our teens and young adults is Planking, but the idea of engaging in dangerous life threatning behaviors for that age group is far from new. You may be asking yourself what we, as parents, can we do to stop our children from participating in these activities before they get hurt or die. Understanding the whys may help us to better counteract our child's interest in these activities. I believe that the reason this age group participates in these activities is because they see themselves as invincible, they like the adrenalin rush that they get and they enjoy the attention that they receive from their peers for engaging in these behaviors.

Talk to your children about the fact that children their age have died taking part in these types of activities, and that they can receive the adrenalin rush and peer recognition through sports, academic excellence and using their talents. It can't hurt to try and it just may save your child from a great deal of pain in the future.

Botox and an Eight Year Old Girl...What Kind of Message are We Sending Our Children

What kind of message are we sending our children that they feel a need to get a nose job, lipo or botox in order to feel good about themselves. Use this story as a teachable moment and a time to talk about body image. Make sure that the message that you are sending to your children is that you have self confidence in who you are, the whole package not just the wrappings. I think that seeing that modeled by the adults that they look up to will go a long way to counter act the damage that the media does to their self image. If you don't feel comfortable in the "skin you are in", consider seeing someone to work through the body image issues that you are experiencing. If you don't take a look at it now, you may just see these same issues reflecting in the lives of your child in the future.

I am going to put myself out on a limb here and state that I do believe that the Mother who gave her child botox is guilty of both physical and emotional child abuse. She should be held accountable for her actions.

What to Do If Your Child Catches You in "the Act"

If you child walks in on you having sex, or jumps out from under the bed to surprise you, do not overreact. Stay calm. Send them out of the room stating something like "mommy and daddy need a little alone time now". Once you have gotten yourself together, go and talk to them about what they saw. Try first to find out what what registered in their brain about this event, before going into great detail about the birds and the bees. A simple explaination about that is the way mommys and daddys show that they love each other may be enough of an explaination. This may be a good time to include a discussion about the importance of respecting other people in the house by knocking on a closed door and waiting for a response before entering.

A Crafty Idea for those Mother's Day Treasures

I wish that I had thought of framing those wonderful pictures and cards that my kids made me when they were little. I saved them, but over the years they have gotten damaged, torn or lost. I recommend placing them in frames and displaying them as the beautiful art that they are. Who knows your little one may just be a future Michaelangelo. An added bonus to doing this will be the boost that it gives your child's self esteem.

Some Inspiring Thoughts about Mothers

Happy Mother's Day to Mothers everywhere. Here are some inspirational words for your special day.

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. ~Author Unknown


The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul


God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb


A mother understands what a child does not say. ~Author Unknown

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~Oprah Winfrey


Who fed me from her gentle breast
And hushed me in her arms to rest,
And on my cheek sweet kisses prest?
My Mother.
Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My mother.
~Ann Taylor


Only One Mother
Author: George Cooper

Hundreds of stars in the pretty sky,
Hundreds of shells on the shore together,
Hundreds of birds that go singing by,
Hundreds of lambs in the sunny weather,
Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the world wide over.

Boomers and Boomerang Children...A Quote

"The best gift parents can give their children is to provide a road map to live independently,"

Nicholas Aretakis,
author of No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide

Boomers and Boomerang Children..Books on the Topic

Here are some books on the topic of Boomerang Children that got good reviews.

Boomerang Kids: How to Live With Adult Children Who Return Home by
Jean Davies Okimoto and Phyllis Jackson Stegall

The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home by Christina Newberry

Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents...the Second Time Around by Elina Furman (this is one you might want to get for your adult child to read)

Boomers and Boomerang Children...Successfully Managing this Phenomenon

Many Baby Boomers are finding themselves faced with caring for their aging parents and having their children return to the nest. These can put undo stress on a marriage and greatly affect their financial planning for their golden years.

Children are returning to live with their parents for many reasons. Some have lost their jobs and their homes, and move their entire family into their parent's home. Many find themselves returning home from military duty, discharged with no employment opportunities. Others find themselves returning with a diploma in hand and no job prospects. How can you as the parent of an adult best handle this situation? Below are some dos and don'ts to consider.

Don'ts. 1)Avoid the urge to begin parenting them right where you left off. Your children are adults now and have lived on their own. Holding them to the rules that they lived by as children will only encourage them to rebel. 2)Do not just give them a "free ride". This will just set them up for future failure. Don't just bail them out, help them to restructure their debt and teach them how to avoid new debt. 3)Don't put yourself in a financial bind.

Dos. 1)Have a serious discussion before they move back in. If they are already living with you, have that talk ASAP. Talk about the whys to their moving back in, and about their plans for the future. 2)Set clear expectations for living in the household. Include a discussion about their expenses, chores, what to do about dating/spending the night, and calling if they will be gone all night. Setting ground rules should not be seen as treating them as children because you would set ground rules for a renter as well. 3)Set a time limit for how long that they will be staying with you. It provides your child with a goal date to get their life in order (motivation). This time limit can be revisited if circumstances change. 4) Charge them rent. This suggestion will probably be met with the most resistance but there are some very good reasons to do this. It helps to prepare your child for independent living and it will help you avoid getting yourself into a financial bind. It is important to share with your child the financial strain that you are going through having them there and how they can help easy that strain.

Boomers and Boomerang Children...The Stats

How do you handle your adult children returning home? This was a question e-mailed to me by one of my loyal followers, Susan from Oviedo, Florida

Susan be reassured that you are not alone in this problem. Whether it is due to a lost job, inability to land a job out of college, discharge from the military, or a foreclosure, the results are the same. Adult children are moving back in with their parents at an unprecedented rate. These children are referred to as boomerang kids. A recent survey by Pew Research Center reports that 13% of parents with adult children has one or more of them living in their home. Monster's 2009 Annual Entry Level Job Outlook reported that 40% of the 2008 graduates and 42% of the 2006 graduates live in their parents homes.

Problems occur with these new living arrangements because parents continue to treat these adult children as if they were children and the adult children do not take on any adult responsibilities when it comes to the house but expect to be treated as an adult. My next post will talk about how you can avoid these pitfalls and make this arrangement a win-win situation for all parties.

Thanks for the question Susan. I hope my response helped you. If you have a topic or question you'd like me to address, please e-mail me at parentsharing@aol.com.

Using Those Teachable Moments to Start a Conversation about Sex with Your Children

Sex is all around us. It's not only on billboards, commercials, magazines and T.V. shows but staring us in the face in our own neighborhood everyday. Maybe you happen upon a neighbor who is pregnant, the T.V. show you're watching has a pregnant teenager on it, sex is eluted to on your favorite program, your child is reading a book that has a relationship in it that they tell you about or there is a particularly sexual billboard that you drive by. Consider these to be teachable moments. Use these teachable moments that come up in your everyday life to begin a conversation with your child about sex. I believe that using these as a jumping off place to begin "the talk" will lessen your anxiety about having a sit down, planned out conversation and by making this talk less formal you may just disarm your child enough to have an open and honest conversation.

A Few Words for Parents about the Death of Osama bin Laden

Many emotions were stirred up in the hearts of Americans last night when the death of Osama bin Laden was reported. Most of us remember where we were when the planes hit the twin towers, the pentagon and the field in Pennsylvania. It still brings tears to my eyes when I hear certain songs or see a picture of ground zero. Understand that news of this death may bring us feelings of triumph and joy, but I urge you to curtail any celebration as your children's eyes are watching you. Most of them have only experienced this tragedy as a historical event and can not possible understand the terror that lived, and in many cases still lives, in the hearts of Americans following that fateful day. The media is going to be reliving many of those early moments following this tragedy in the weeks to come and talking about what may happen in response to his death. I recommend that you sit down and watch these stories with your children and talk about your feelings about these events, and then turn off the T.V. Understanding these events and the emotions that they bring up is important, however being bombarded by it 24/7 is not good for you or your children. Sharing with your children that you are somewhat worried that something may happen is okay. Children are pretty intuitive when it comes to their parents and they probably already sense your fear. Trying to hid it from them may cause them more worry than admitting to it. If you are feeling extremely emotional about these events, talking to a trusted adult or a counselor about these feelings before you talk to your children is a good idea.