Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Bear Feet or Bare Feet?

My son Stephen is 11 but when he was 2, I was getting him ready to go out and play. He was rushing me so I told him we had to put his shoes on because he couldn't go outside with bare(bear)feet. He looked down at his feet and said but I have boy feet.
Lorraine
Mother of One
Sanford, FL

A good reminder that children are so literal.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Out of the Mouth of a 5 Year Old

A couple of days ago I was telling Charlie how smart he was and how proud I was of him. He looked at me and said, " When you get to be an adult, your brain gets smaller." I asked why he said that, his response, "Cause I am always telling you things and you are always forgetting them."
Laura
Mother of 5 Kids from 17 to 2
Orlando, Fl

I remember when my son was in third grade, he told me that third graders knew everything and after that you started to get stupid. I held my tongue until he got out of third grade, and then I asked him how it felt to be getting stupider. Maybe not the best grammer but I definitely made my point.

I wonder if we appear as if we are forgetting things because our minds are so busy in this overly connected society. Food for thought.

RtI...What the Heck is That?

You are the parent of a child who is struggling in school and you want and need help, what do you do? The schools response is that it is going to take time. You might be asking yourself why, and there is a very good explaination that the school is not explaining in a clear way. Here is the info that you are looking for.

RtI is the new buzz phrase when it comes to children who are struggling in school. What is RtI? It is short for Response to Intervention and it actually is not a bad thing. It means that the school is required to put intervetions into place right away for your child in the areas that they are struggling in. Hopefully these intervention will assist your child and they will not need to be placed into special education. The way it used to work is that your child would be tested and if they were eligible they would get the help that they needed. Many children who did not meet the eligibility criteria for Special Education were left to struggle without additional support. Now those children will begin getting the help they need imediately without the need for a label.

Although, this is better for the student, it puts the burden of providing this individual or small group intervention back onto an already overworked, underpaid teacher. In a time when there are massive cuts in an already bare to the bones teaching staff, they are being called upon to do more. I am sending out a plea to you as a taxpayer to write your congressional representative and express your concerns. In addition, contact your local school board and express your outrage that although the school districts are making major cuts in teachers and those who provide direct service to children, they are keeping the fat. There is no big surprise as to the why the cuts are being made the way that they are. Just like in congress, the ones making the decisions about cuts (the administrators) are not going to cut their own jobs. In a time when the economy is so tight, maybe we need to take a hard look about the way we are currently doing things, and change them to a more efficient way.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Maggie Goes on a Diet...A Few More Thoughts

As someone who has been teaching children about bully prevention, I am concerned over the fact that the book, Maggie Goes on a Diet, sends the message to children that people who are skinny don't get bullied and that they make friends easier than their heavier counterparts. I think that it is important to let your children know that this is not true. Heavy or skinny, some children just make friends easily. It's part of their make-up and has nothing to do with their weight. All children fall victim to being bullied at some time in their life. It is important to teach your child some techniques to better deal with bullying behavior, and losing weight isn't one of them. Check out the series that I did on bully prevention to obtain some ideas on helping your child with this problem.

If this book does make it to the bookstores or e-reader list, I hope you will think twice about getting it for your child.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

$30,000+ For a Pre-School Graduation Party...What Message are We Sending our Children

A new reality TV show that presents parents spending in excess of thirty thousand dollars to throw their children a party, when will the madness stop? That is the premise of the latest in a string of bizarre reality shows that are teaching our children unrealistic and detrimental values. It is called "Outrageous Kid Party". Some of the parties that will be highlighted on this show include a $31,000 Pre-School Graduation Party and a $32,000 birthday party. What are these parents and producers thinking? In a time when our economy is in big trouble, the last thing that we need to be encouraging in our youth is frivolous spending. I think this may be what got our nation and the world into such economic difficulty in the first place.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Is Hot Sauce Mom Disciplining Her Son or Torturing Him?

The mother who appeared on Dr. Phil, having sent him a video of how she disciplined her son for lying, is now being charged with abuse. She punished her son for lying by placing hot sauce in his mouth and making him hold it there. She also corrected him by placing him in a freezing cold shower. Is Hot Sauce Mom disciplining her son or torturing him? I guess that will be up to the courts to decide. She claims that she had tried all kinds of discipline but none of them worked. She states that he is suffering from a behavior disorder. If this is true, why isn't she seeking professional help? Some may say that that was what she was doing by contacting the Dr. Phil show, but I think it was more about her notoriety rather than any help she was seeking for her son. Shame on her, and shame on the Dr. Phil show, for being more concerned about ratings then the health and well-being of a young boy.

I guess the verdict is in and she is guilty of misdemeanor child abuse, just a slap on the wrist for torturing your child. Kinda sad to think that we treat parents more fairly then they treat their children.

Maggie Goes on a Diet...Cute Picture Book or Does It Promote Eating Disorders

"Maggie Goes on a Diet" is a soon to be released picture book that is drawing lots of controversy. Is it sending the author's intended message of promoting healthy eating habits, exercise and positive self concept, or does it suggest the need for our young children to diet if they are over weight? The content of the book is innocent enough in some ways, but I have trouble getting past the title. Having had a child with an eating disorder and looking at the statistic that reports that eating disorders among children under twelve are up 119% in the last ten years, I am concerned that this author is sending a very different message then he intended.

As both a counselor and a mother who has had to face this issue, I am sending out a plea to this author and his publisher to pull this book from the shelves before it even gets there. Please at the very least rename this book to better reflect your intent.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Nails in the Fence...A Story about Anger with a Profound Ending

NAILS IN THE FENCE

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next
few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days
passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ideas for Helping Your Child Get a Great Start for the New School Year

Get a great start in the new school year requires some planning and preparation,both on your part and the part of your child. The most important thing that your child can do to prepare is read, read, and read some more. The only saying "practice makes perfect" is so true when it comes to reading. The more they read, the faster they become at reading whcih will save them time in the long run.

If your child is transitioning to a new school this year, visit the school in advance with them. This will relieve some of the anxiety that they may be feeling about that first day. Atleast they will have an idea where they are going. If possible walk them through their schedule, so they will know how to get from one place to another. If the schedule is not available, pick up a map of the school and map out their route when the schedule is available.

Obtain a list of supplies that your child will need for the school term and purchase them in advance. Your child will then be prepared for those teachers who start into it on the first day.

Attend the open house or meet and greet at your school. Take your child with you if they are allowed to come. Sign up to volunteer for whatever you can make time to do in the school. This will send the message to your child and theiir teachers that your child's schooling is important to you.

If you feel the need to meet with a teacher about your child's special needs, try to wait a few weeks. Let your child's teachers get to know your child, the meeting will be much more informative if you give the teacher this time. The exception to this is if your child has medical needs that the teacher needs to know about. In that case, you may want to call the school over the summer and set up an appointment with the school nurse to discuss your child's needs. The beginning of the week before school starts is a good time to make that call, as the staff is back from summer break.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Quotes for Starting a New School Year

As the school year approaches, here are some words of wisdom regarding starting school.

"Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle." - E.C. McKenzie

"Schoolteachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday." - E. C. McKenzie

I abhor grades - if a child does his best, that's all that should be asked.
Richard Dawson

Starting Kindergarten by unknown
A, B, C, D, E Kindergarten's where I want to be
F, G, H, I, J Learn to read and write each day
K, L, M, N, O Boys and girls we like to know
P, Q, R, S, T Sharing books with you and me
U, V, W, X, Y Now it's time to say goodbye
Z, Z, Z, Z, Z Kindergarten's where I want to be!

The First Day of School by Aileen Fisher
I wonder if my drawing will be as good as theirs
I wonder if they'll like me, or just be full of stares
I wonder if my teacher will look like mom or gram
And I wonder if my puppy will wonder where I am.

My School Promise by unknown
Each day I'll do my best
And I won't do any less.
My work will always please me,
And I won't accept a mess.
I'll color very carefully,
My writing will be neat.
And I will not be happy,
Till my papers are complete.
I'll always do my homework,
And try my best on every test.
I won't forget my promise,
To do my very best!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Saying Yes to All the Wedding Dresses

Having watched a few episodes of "Say Yes To The Dress" before going shopping with my daughter to find her perfect dress, I was a little leery of this wedding task. As it turns out, she bought the first dress she tried on. We hadn't even gone to a bridal store. I insisted that she try some of the dresses on at a local bridal store even though she had already gotten her dress and she ended up buying a second dress. She is a spiller, so having a backup dress may be a good idea. We got both at such a great price, two were doable. Many bridal stores have great sales on dresses in June and since styles of wedding dresses don't change all that much from one year to the next, take advantage of the sale the June before your daughters wedding.

Who would have thought that the problem that we would have with dresses would be with the bridesmaids. Me! My daughter picked three bridesmaids that shop in three different departments: juniors, misses and plus sizes. Three different heights: tall, average and short. Three different shoe sizes: narrow, wide and big. After shopping for many days to find a dress for all of them without any luck, I started looking online for the perfect dress. I should note that the bridal shops did carry all sizes but lacked a style that looked good on the plus size bridesmaid. I did find a website that fit the bill, found several dresses and measured all the girls. Unfortunately, when the dresses arrived they did not fit at all. Back to the drawing board. We did find the dresses in what I think is an unlikely place...Penney's. We were looking for a knee length dress and Penney's had the best selection in all three sizes. I believe that the lesson here is don't be afraid to look in unlikely places for your dresses. In the end, it doesn't matter where you got the dress just how it looks on.

A final note about bridesmaid dresses. When I got married, my bridesmaids wore dresses that had been made for them. If this is what you choose to do, learn from my mistake. I sent all the materials (pattern, material, thread, zipper, hooks, everything needed) to each of them because they lived in four different states and would only be together the night before the wedding. Imagine how upset I was the night before the wedding, when each of the dresses were slightly different. I couldn't do anything about it that late in the game. I think you can prevent my nightmare by having one person make all the dresses from the measurements of each girl and then having them fitted when each bridesmaid is available.

The most important thing to do when having difficulty finding the dresses is to remain calm. Keep in mind that it is going to work out somehow. In addition, if you have someone in the bridal party who is difficult to fit try to continually encourage them. Don't forget that they may begin feeling badly about how the clothes are fitting them. Don't say anything about them losing weight or exercising more. Remember the feeling that you get when trying to find the perfect swimsuit and the words of encouragement that you were wishing that you had heard. Use those words to help them through this trying time that they are having.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Some Other Quotes about Weddings and Marriage

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make -- not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.
-Barbara De Angelis

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
-Ogden Nash

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
-Source Unknown

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife.
-Source Unknown

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage
-Zig Ziglar

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Some Very Profound Words from Zig Ziglar on Planning a Wedding and Marriage

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage
-Zig Ziglar

We can always count on Zig Ziglar to hit the nail on the head. Maybe if we would all work on the marriage as hard as we work to make the perfect wedding, our divorce rate would be much lower. There are definitely times when divorce is the only choice but I don't believe that we can say that about almost 50% of the marriages. There will be times in every marriage when things get tough, that is not the time to choose to get going out the door.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Finding A Place for the Reception

Picking Out a Site for the Reception was easier than I thought it would be once we found a good source for area information. Here is my wedding and party hint of the day: if you are looking for information about an area that you are not familiar with go to their information center. I know a groundbreaking idea or not so much. If they don't have an information center, I recommend that you contact the chamber of commerce or city hall for information.

When we talked to the people at the information center in New Smyrna Beach, they were not only very helpful but they handed us a packet that they had put together that had all the information needed to plan a wedding. Lists of local reception halls, photographers, DJs, caterers, cakes, flowers, etc. It has made planning ssssooooo much easier. If you are planning a wedding, I hope this tip makes your life easier. My only recommendation to you is that you get two copies of the packet, mine has gotten written over and nasty quite quickly.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Picking Out the Location for the Ceremony

Picking out the location for the wedding doesn't seem like it would be too difficult unless your daughter has decided to get married at the beach with 100 guests. I started out by trying to find a beachhouse right on a private, nondriving beach to have the wedding and reception at. After looking for hours on line, going to see about 20 houses and calling eight management companies, no luck. The funny thing is people don't want a 100 people in their rental property. Go figure. Then I moved on to asking friends and family if they knes of anyone who owned a large enough beachhouse, no luck. Next, I came up with the idea of the ceremony taking place at a hotel or resort. This posed a problem because the people staying their would be sharing the beach with us and she is getting married during spring break. Lastly, I came up with the idea of the national seashore. When I called them, I was told that they only allow 20 people at a ceremony but if I wanted to I could apply for a varience. I applied and got it. Location for ceremony found. Phew. Took a lot of man (or woman) hours to find the location for the ceremony. Now I only have the location for the reception, location for the rehearsal dinner, flowers, caterer, cake, DJ, bartender and centerpieces. Thankfully my daughter is not a bridezilla, but she is testing me with some unique requests. If you can afford it, I hear getting a wedding planner makes all of these headaches go away. I want her to have everything she has ever dreamed of in her wedding and then a few personal touches that she hasn't even thought of. I am not sure that someone who doesn't know her very well can do that. I'll let you know if I still feel that same way in a few months, after I have done more of the planning.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Meeting Your Child's Future In-Laws

This weekend we finally met the people most important to the man my daughter is going to marry. It went very well and they were wonderful people, but what do you do if that isn't the case? What do you do if you don't get along with your child's in-laws?

I can only speak to this issue from the standpoint of the children, but maybe hearing my experience will help make your experience go smoother. My parents and my in-laws did not really get along when they first met due to some fundemental differences and beliefs. First of all my father in-law was a union member and my father worked for the management side of union negotiations (fortunately not for the same company). Secondly, we were of different faiths. Catholic and Lutheran. Both were Christian faiths but it was at a time that those two religions were not really seeing eye to eye. I will tell you that it was the cause of some very tense moments and many disagreements between my husband and I over the years. Even after all this time, they seem to compete with each other over things like time with the grandchildren and where we spend the holidays.

Being aware of these types of issues may help me to try to get along better with my daughters in-laws and be more understanding about the time that she spends with his family. Marriage is hard enough, I don't want to add any undo stress to my daughter's marriage by putting myself in competition with his family. I do realize that this will be difficult because I will be fighting against my maturnal instinct of wanting to keep her my little girl. Wish me luck.
















Friday, August 5, 2011

My Daughters Getting Married...Follow My Wedding Planning Experience

My daughter is getting married in March of 2012 and I am busy trying to plan her dream wedding. I thought that it might be fun to have a log of how the planning is going throughout this process. So I will be updating you about how things are progressing. I made the promise to her that it would be her wedding, not the wedding that I want. I am counting on you to keep me on that path. I think that all too often we, as the mother of the bride, plan the wedding that we always wanted and didn't get because our own mothers took over the planning of our wedding. My plan is to break that cycle in my family and give my daughter the wedding she has always dreamed of. This may be a tough promise to keep because she has some pretty unusual ideas. She wants a beach wedding for 100 people, sandcastle centerpieces and three bridesmaids who shop in three different departments to name just three of the challenges that her wedding wishes present. Keep checking in for my updates on how things are going.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Play Dates and Alcohol...Do They Really Mix Well?

A recent trend has moms and stay at home dads adding to the traditional play date by raising an alcohol filled glass. Is there anything wrong with this, I would say no as long as the drinking is done in moderation and that no one is driving with children in the car having had too much to drink.

I would ask all of those individuals speaking out against these types of play dates, are they falling victim to a double standard. Fathers have been taking their children to ballgames and partaking in several beers during the game for generations and there has been no out public out cry about that. Do we hold mothers to a different standard then fathers, or should we be taking a hard look at the possible dangers of engaging in either of these two activities.

When it comes to drinking during activities with your children, I think the important words to consider are: moderation and driving under the influence.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Be Ready for a Discussion about Marijuana

Be prepared to discuss your feelings about marijuana with your children because more than likely they will ask. The debate about legalizing marijuana has been going for as long as I can remember and it is still going strong today. Make sure that you have decided where you stand on this issue and that you feel comfortable telling your children where you stand. Is it a gateway drug or less harmful than cigarette smoking? I don't know, but you should also consider that no matter how you feel it is still illegal to use marijuana.